ZAC
(Part One)
Zac lay awake for what felt like hours. It was already late when he'd come home and he longed for sleep, but his mind was going a mile a minute. He lay wide awake in his bed, half covered by a blanket, his arm behind his head, staring up at the blackness of the night as the crickets sounded outside the trailer. Isaac and Taylor were sound asleep and he was glad for it. He needed the peace and quiet to sort out his thoughts.
Oddly enough, his mind wasn't as consumed with his love-making with Bessie as he thought it would be. Though it was good, and he'd felt it completely in his heart, which was something that had never happened before, his mind was more consumed with the results of their love-making, rather than the act itself--with the judge and with his own short-comings. Her father was completely right about him. He had no future. No job, no money, no real means of taking care of himself, much less Bessie.
Up until a few weeks ago, Zac loved life. Sure, he and his brothers didn't have much, but he loved his freedom, he loved still being able to perform the act with this brothers when he could, and he was virtually carefree. He liked not being under someone's thumb, taking orders and abiding by a schedule set for him by crooked authority figures. He didn't want to be somebody's flunkie. He wanted to live life by his own rules and he was doing it just fine.
And then Bessie came along and everything changed. He stopped living in his dream world and was forced to look at his life for what it really was--which was nothing. And nothing wasn't going to cut it anymore. Not if he was ever going to have any future with Bessie Harlow. And at this point, life without her wasn't even an option.
And so he had to change. He had to do it. He had to be somebody, he had to do it for her. He wanted her and he needed her and there was no way he was going to let her go off to school while he sat around and twiddled his thumbs, waiting on some stupid carnival to come along. He was a grown man. Vaudeville was long since gone. It was finally time to start joining the real world and become an active member of society.
Boy, what a change that was going to be.
He rolled over and fluffed his pillow underneath his head. He willed himself to sleep. Prayed for it. For, tomorrow was a new day. On several different levels. Tomorrow, he would be a new man.
********************
"You're up early," Taylor remarked as Zac tied his hair up into a ponytail and tightened the tie around his neck.
Zac looked at himself in the mirror as he smoothed out his vest, his eyes exhausted from lack of sleep. "Yep. Got plans today," he muttered.
Taylor leaned in the bathroom doorway, crunching an apple loudly in Zac's ear, the sound instantly aggravating him. "So what happened last night? Get everything worked out with Bessie?"
"Yep."
"And?"
"And everything is okay."
"You were gone for awhile..."
"It's three miles to her house."
"Why are you so dressed up this early in the morning?"
Zac sighed and turned to look his brother in the eye. "Because I'm--I'm going to find work."
Taylor's eyes widened and he lowered the apple from his mouth mid-bite. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah," Zac nodded. "Yeah, I, um...yeah."
"Jesus, what the hell did you talk about last night?"
"What we talked about isn't the issue."
"Is it because of what she said when she was here?"
"Tay! Stop--stop interrogating me, okay?"
"I'm sorry, I just--why the sudden change? Not too long ago, you were dead set against working a daily job. You never wanted to work for anybody else. Now all of a sudden--"
"I gotta be better," Zac blurted, finally admitting it. "Okay? I have to. I have to be better for her. I can't--I can't do this anymore, not if I want...her. She deserves some kind of future and if I want her to have one with me, I gotta make one for myself. You know?"
Taylor's face softened and he nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, I get it. That's--that's good, I'm real proud of you. But--but, Zac, where are you gonna find work?"
"I don't know. Anywhere. I don't really care. I know a guy that owes me a favor, I'm gonna see what he has going on."
Taylor glanced out the door then peeked his head back in the bathroom and lowered his voice. "You know, I bet Ike could find something for you to do at the speakeasy. Money seems to be coming pretty easy for him lately."
Zac glared at his brother for such a suggestion. "I'm looking for honest work, Tay. Only honest work. Whatever Ike's going on, that's his...business. I don't want no part in it."
*********************
Walking to the feed store just outside the city limits half an hour later, Zac knew he was taking a chance. He knew finding any work anywhere was a slim-to-none chance, but if he didn't at least try, then he had no one to blame but himself.
Burt Anderson ran Anderson's Feed and Seed. It was the only feed store in Tulsa and just recently, Burt had turned it into a part general store, as well. Last summer, while Burt was transforming his store, Zac watched a truck full of feed turn over on its way to a delivery. Zac had been walking along the road and stopped to help clean up. Since then, Zac had spoken to the old man now and then, usually in passing, stopping to talk about the weather or how slow business was, and then they would be on their way. Today, Zac visited him at his store.
When Zac trotted up the steps and walked into the store, adjusting his cap on his head, he could have heard a pin drop. The store was empty of customers and Burt stood at the counter in a pair of bifocals, poring over whatever he was writing on his notepad. Looking up at Zac, Burt smiled and removed his bifocals. "Why, Zac. What brings you here? Last I heard, you didn't have any livestock."
"Ah. That's where you're wrong," Zac smiled, leaning his elbow on the counter. "I have a dog. And he's large as a bull."
Burt chuckled and lay his pencil down. "A dog, huh? Well, I have dog food, if that's what you're in the market for."
"I'll, uh, I'll keep that in mind," Zac replied, glancing at the counter. Then he looked up at the old man. "Listen, Burt, uh...remember last year when I helped with that overturned truck and you said you owed me a favor and I never took you up on that because I said I didn't believe in owing favors?"
"Yeah," Burt nodded. "Yeah, I think I remember that."
"Well. It turns out, I need a favor."
"Sure," Burt replied, studying Zac's face. "What can I do you for?"
Suddenly, Zac became nervous. He hated asking for anything. Absolutely loathed it. He was a firm believer in if he couldn't get it on his own, he didn't need it. He fought with his pride something fierce. "I was, uh, wondering if maybe you had anything around here that I could do?"
The old man, with his white hair and his blue eyes, studied Zac for a moment, looking him over. "Do, huh? Well, you see I don't have a whole lot of business around here."
"Yes, sir. I realize that, I just...thought I'd ask..."
Burt studied him some more, each pause for silence disheartening Zac more and more. "You got some arms on you, there, don't you, boy?"
"Uh, yeah," Zac smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess they'll do..."
"Today's your lucky day, son. Turns out, my loader back there took his back out a couple of days ago and I'm out a man to load up the hauls for the farmers. I'd do it myself, but, well, look at me. I'd break a hip just looking at a sack of feed." The two men paused to chuckle before he continued. "But I could use you. It's not steady work, maybe one day a week at best. And the pay ain't much, but it's something. And sometimes the farmers tip, too. And with the way you look, some of the ladies might tip you if you're here when they come in. Like I said, business is slow lately, but that's all I got to offer you."
Zac was beyond thrilled. He would take what he could get. "I'll take it," he blurted. "Thank you so much."
"You can start today. I got a farmer coming today to pick up twenty sacks of feed. And then that stock room needs some work, it's looking pathetic back there."
"Yes, sir," Zac said excitedly. "I'll get on it right now."
Zac couldn't believe his luck as he headed toward the back room and rolled up his sleeves. He couldn't wait to tell Bessie. As a matter of fact, tonight was going to be just swell. Tonight, he would take Bessie on a real date. He would do it all, he would bring her flowers, he would pay for her, he would do everything just like the way a real date was supposed to be.
Right down to picking her up at her front door.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
When Bessie awoke the next morning, she felt the soreness between her legs. She lay in bed and she stared at the ceiling, shamelessly letting the visuals from last night run through her head. She had done it. She had gone all the way. Lost her virginity. In less than twelve hours after first admitting she wanted to.
What did that say about her?
She figured that once it finally happened, she wouldn't be able to get to Millie to tell her fast enough. But, curiously, she wasn't in a rush to tell her. It wasn't because it had been bad. As a matter of fact, it had been quite enjoyable. Admittedly, she wasn't sure what she'd been so nervous about. Sure, it had been uncomfortable at first, but it wasn't like she was in excruciating pain like she expected to be.
And, Zac. She smiled at the ceiling at the thought. Zac was so unbelievably...sexy. She didn't realize just how much she'd wanted him until she was in that position with him last night. She was obsessed with his hair. And his arms and his chest and his shoulders. His voice as he breathed in her ear and his smile when he'd seemed satisfied by her. Chills raced through her body at the memories and she knew she had to get out of bed before she craved him again.
The reality of the situation hit her once she'd bathed and dressed and gone downstairs to greet her mother. Her mother was unusually silent and Bessie immediately feared the worst. She almost felt like she had it scrawled across her forehead or that her mother had some kind of psychic ability and had seen it all without actually being in the barn. Bessie just knew she'd been caught. Just knew it.
"Where are you off to today?" Her mother asked her as they sat in the living room together.
"Nowhere soon. Not until later."
"You're not meeting Zac?"
After the conversation with her father last night, Bessie wasn't sure how her mother felt about things. Surely he put his foot down with her after putting it down with Bessie.
"Later," she replied meekly. "We have a date tonight."
"How do you expect to get out of this house without your father knowing about it? The same way you did it last night?"
Bessie's eyes widened and she began to panic. "What are you--what do you mean?"
"Bessie, I'm not an idiot. Scout was scratching to get out of your bedroom last night and when I opened the door to let him out, you weren't in there."
"Mama, I had to talk to him," Bessie finally admitted. "After all those things Daddy said to me last night, I just had to talk to Zac."
"You're just lucky it was me who woke up last night and not your father."
"Mama, I'm so sorry you're in the middle of all this--"
"He told me what he said to you last night. I figured maybe you might have run away after all."
"I tried to," she said quietly. "But Zac wouldn't let me."
"Well, good for him, he's a smart man."
"Mama, do you--do you feel the same way that Daddy does now? Do you not want me to see Zac anymore, either?"
Her mother sighed and lay the knitting she'd been working on in her lap. "You know I'm in a very peculiar position, here. Your father is my husband, you know. And I do have to support him in some ways as both a wife and a mother. I don't have to agree with him, but I have to be willing to see his side of the fence, as well."
"Mama, he wants me to stop seeing him--for good."
"I'm very much aware of that--"
"But I just can't agree with it because there's nothing wrong with Zac. I could understand it if he was mean or rude or...or just a bad person, but he's not. Mama, he's good. He's good and he's kind and he's gentle and he cares about me. He doesn't treat me like a child, he looks at me and he speaks to me like I'm an adult. He respects me. Daddy should be glad for that."
"I do agree, Bessie. I mean, I can't say that I know Zac or can vouch for any of the things that you said, but I know you. And I know you have a good head on your shoulders and that you're smart enough to see the forest for the trees. I don't object to your seeing Zac. I trust your judgment."
"But...?"
"But I need you to find some way to humor your father, at least a little bit."
"You want me to find a way to lie to him."
"I want you to find a way to live the life you want to live and keep the peace."
"I'm going out with Zac tonight," Bessie said quietly. "And I'm not sure if I care whether Daddy knows or not."
Her mother sighed again and picked her knitting back up, turning her attention back to it. "You're just bound and determined to start World War II in this house, aren't you?"
"I didn't start the war. But I'll be darned if I'm going to lose it."
And with that, Bessie retreated back upstairs.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Zac was ashamed to admit that his muscles ached a little bit by the time he'd left the feed store. He was certainly no stranger to hard labor, but he was a little rusty when it came to the strenuous, repetitive aspect of it. It almost didn't help that his severe lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with him. The truth was, he could go home and lay down and sleep for days. But he didn't have time. He had to be awake and refreshed for Bessie. After all, this was about her.
He'd worked hard for Burt, though. He didn't feel like he could show his appreciation enough and he felt terribly guilty when he'd asked Burt if he could leave, even though he'd already excused him two hours earlier.
Back at the trailer, Isaac and Taylor wouldn't leave him alone, asking him question after question, and all Zac wanted to do was get ready for his date in peace.
"You're awful dressed up for a free picture being shown on a brick wall," Isaac remarked.
And then Zac finally admitted that he intended on coming face-to-face with the judge tonight in order to take Bessie out and that opened an entirely new line of questioning. Finally, Zac said to them, "I'm done with all this secret shit. I'm her man and her father's gonna know it. She doesn't deserve sneaking to sit under a tree or making love in a barn or anything like that. She's a proper lady and I'm gonna court her proper, too."
"Whoa! Back up!" Taylor said, getting excited. "Making love in a barn? Is that--is that where you ended up last night? Did you make a woman out of her? Is that what this is all about all of a sudden?"
"Mind your business," Zac muttered.
"Man. One time and you're already whipped. She must be some kinda woman."
"I'm warning you, Tay. Shut your trap."
"What? This is kind of a big deal for you--"
"Tay," Isaac shot at him. "Just leave him alone already."
"I'm only asking--"
"I gotta go," Zac said, looking at himself one last time in the mirror, barely satisfied with himself. He didn't look any different than normal, with his hair pulled back into his wool cap and his trousers and matching vest. This time he wore a tie under his vest and he rolled up his shirt sleeves as opposed to a jacket. "Should I wear a jacket?" He turned around and asked Isaac.
"Like I said, it's a free picture on a brick wall. You're probably overdressed--"
"For her father, I don't give a shit about the picture."
"Oh," Isaac smiled, amused. "Are you asking her father to go out with you?"
Zac glared at him. "In a sense, yes."
Isaac sighed. "Just be yourself."
Satisfied with the response, and not much more time to worry about it, Zac was out the trailer door.
**********************
Zac had never been more nervous in his entire life.
Bessie was supposed to meet him at six o'clock by the edge of the woods. She had no idea he'd chosen to show up at her doorstep at five-thirty. He hoped she wouldn't be upset. He sincerely hoped that his actions wouldn't be detrimental to their already-delicate situation.
Before he knocked, he made sure his tie was straight for the thousandth time and he pulled his great-grandfather's pocket watch out of his pocket and checked the time. Only a minute later than the last time he checked it. Zac was going to have to get over these nervous ticks he was having, and fast.
He gripped the bouquet of flowers in his hand as he swallowed and knocked on the door. He wasn't sure what he was afraid of the most: the judge being angered by his presence or Bessie being angered by his presence.
The wooden door opened, followed by the screen door, and Zac thought he might faint on impact. He was greeted by a genuine, but confused, smile on Catherine Harlow's face as she held the door open. "Well, isn't this quite the surprise?" She commented as she looked him up and down and the smile on her face grew into a grin. "Zac Hanson. What brings you here?"
"Um," he sputtered. His throat closed up and his tongue felt like sandpaper. "Hello, Mrs. Harlow. I came--um, I'm here to, uh..."
"You came for Bessie," she finished.
"Yes," he said, a relieved smile taking over his face. "Yes, ma'am, I did."
"Well, come on in, let's not have those beautiful flowers wilt before Bessie sees them."
Zac liked Mrs. Harlow. He'd decided he liked her when he first saw her talking to Bessie at the fair, but now he was sure. She was beautiful, just like her daughter, and her smile was instantly warm and comforting.
As he stepped into the house, he got a look around. For a farmhouse, it was elegantly decorated, similar to some of the fancy hotels he'd stayed in across the country. He was no stranger to the finer things in life and the inside of Bessie's house made him feel like he'd gone back in time, back when he was in vaudeville where he was making it big and everyone knew his name. It also reminded him of how quickly he had crashed and how it felt like he was having to start life from scratch all over again.
He didn't step too far into the doorway. He stood at the edge of the living room, looking down the narrow hallway which opened up into the kitchen. The large, wooden staircase next to him was obviously the pathway to Bessie's bedroom, but Zac dared not to even glance upward. He knew that one wrong move could be the possible demise of their relationship. And so he took off his cap and stood there patiently as Mrs. Harlow opened a door to a room underneath the staircase and told the judge to put on some shoes because they had company.
Zac's throat dried up again as the judge came from the room and walked down the hallway. He was tall and slender, his height every bit as intimidating as his reputation was. Zac remembered that he'd hated him once upon a time for putting him in jail and he hated him even up until recently. But now he could only have the utmost respect for him, solely because he was Bessie's father. Tonight, he wasn't Judge Harlow. He was just Bessie's father.
"Well. I'll be," Judge Harlow said as he entered the room and looked Zac over. "Zac Hanson. Gotta admit, I'm surprised to see you."
And then, all of a sudden, Zac went on the defensive. He didn't know where it came from, he didn't know if it was a testosterone thing or not, but he felt the need to stand a little straighter and puff his chest out a little more as he held his chin a little higher. He wouldn't dare give the judge the satisfaction of watching him cower as his palms poured with sweat. "Good evening, Judge Harlow," he greeted. "I presume you know why I'm here."
The judge tapped his chin as he looked him over again, in thought. "Yes...I presume I do."
"Bessie and I--well, we made plans for the evening. And she doesn't know that I'm here and I thought that since we made a date, that I should make it a date and that I should ask you if it would be okay if I escorted your daughter out tonight."
"Plans, huh? I had no idea..."
"I assumed you might not."
"Interesting choice of words."
Zac was beginning to get aggravated by the judge's vagueness. "Judge Harlow. I know what you think of me. And I didn't need Bessie to tell me. I know that I'm not the ideal choice for your daughter. But I think the world of her and I feel very strongly about her and I have nothing but the utmost respect for her. I'm sure not going to take her out, drink illegal liquor, and then insult her."
This garnered a knowing smirk out of the judge as he glanced at the floor and then back up at Zac. "You did a number on that kid, you know that?"
"Yeah, well. He deserved it."
"What would you have done if some other man had come and run off with your date?"
"No other man would have the opportunity, your honor."
Judge Harlow's smirk spread into an amused grin. "Good answer, son. And under my roof, I'm not 'your honor'. So, Zac. You've come to ask my permission to take my daughter out."
"Uh, if you want to put it that way, sure."
"You're a little older than her, aren't you?"
"A...a little..."
"I guess I just assumed that a man with your experience might want a woman who's...you know, been around a little more."
"The heart wants what the heart wants, sir. And I've found myself quite taken with Bessie. Never saw it coming till the day I saw her."
The judge nodded in thought as he stepped closer and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Zac, what are your intentions with my Bessie?"
"My intentions?"
The judge nodded, unamused with Zac's need to clarify.
"Um...well, sir, I intend to follow that little lady wherever she wants to take me."
At this, the judge chuckled loudly, startling Zac as he struggled to keep his cool. "Well, that's, um...that's...I wasn't expecting that one."
Zac sighed as he shifted his weight from one foot to the next. "Look. The truth is, I don't know what the future has in store for Bessie and me. I know she's going off to school. I know I'll be here. Right now, I'm leaving it all in her hands. Every bit of it. I'll do whatever she wants, if she wants a future with me, I'll make a future for us--"
"I'm glad you brought that up. That's what concerns me, Zac. Bessie and I had a conversation last night and she told me how she feels about you. I know what's going on here, I'm not blind to it. And I have to admit, the idea of her having any kind of future with you makes me nervous. It's not that I dislike you as a person, it's just that I can't see you taking care of my daughter the way she deserves to be taken care of. It's bad enough that I can't believe I'm even having this conversation about her at eighteen--"
"I already said that I'm going to make something of myself while she's in school. I--I even went out and found some work today just so I could take her out tonight. It's not much, but it's not nothing."
Judge Harlow's eyes widened with surprise and Zac wasn't sure how he felt about that. "Work? You managed to find work?"
"Like I said, it's not much. Burt Anderson found me something to do at his store and he says he's gonna keep me for as long as he can."
"Well, where did you plan on taking Bessie tonight?"
"There's a picture that's showing downtown that she wants to go see."
"So...you went out and found work today...just so you can take my daughter to a free movie?"
"Yes, sir. That's exactly what I did. I know you think I'm no good for her--and in a lot of ways I'm not. But I'm going to do right by her, Judge Harlow. I'm gonna make her proud of me and--and well, I want to make you proud of me, too. But mostly her. You know it's about her."
"Yes, yes. Of course. I just--well, Zac, I--I mean it's no secret that I haven't exactly approved of Bessie's relationship with you. She's my only daughter, you see, and I tend to feel rather protective over her. Some might say I've been a little too protective of her over the years. But, as her father, seeing her first boyfriend come in the form of a twenty-six-year-old...bachelor, who has the run of Tulsa, with no career and living with gypsies as opposed to a boy closer to her age that's tucked away safely in college with his future intact, well--you have to understand my concerns."
'Oh, man,' Zac thought to himself helplessly as he shifted his weight again. He had just taken Judge Harlow's daughter's innocence last night. His concerns were pretty much a moot point now.
"I'm not going to get on my knees and beg you," Zac finally replied. "I care deeply for your daughter and I'll do anything for her, but I won't degrade myself, either. The truth is, Bessie thinks she's meeting me at the edge of the woods in roughly ten minutes and we're going out regardless of the outcome here in this living room. I just wanted a chance to do right by her and take her out proper, the way it's supposed to be done. This is me. This is who I am. I am Zachary Hanson, former vaudeville star, who lives in a trailer with his brothers. I'm only a man, who is helplessly smitten with your daughter. That's it."
Judge Harlow looked at Zac in silence. Stepping a few steps over, he let himself sit mindlessly on the arm of a chair as he shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to look him over. "I didn't hear a car outside when you pulled up."
Zac was caught completely off guard by the change in subject. "Well, uh, our car is waiting to be fixed at the moment."
"So you walked."
"I walk everywhere."
"And you were going to walk my daughter seven miles into town on her feet one way?"
"Um...well, she likes to go for walks--"
"Unacceptable."
"With all due respect, sir, I'm not understanding..."
"Well, dammit, boy, I like you. I don't want to like you. I want to rip your head off just because you're a man who's helplessly smitten with my daughter. It could be you or the President of the United States, it wouldn't matter. You don't have much going for you right now and I still believe you're a terribly bad influence on her, but by god, you beat up the D. A.'s son in her honor, you had the balls enough to step into my household and tell me how things were going to be, and you went out and defied odds by finding some work just so you could take her out tonight. And, well, I gotta respect that. I think that a man who works that hard and makes an effort to impress me just to buy her a bag of popcorn at a free picture deserves to get what he came for. So...yes. Yes, you may take my daughter out tonight."
Zac couldn't control the smile that now crept over his face as he felt compelled to reach out to the judge and shake his hand. "Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. Oh, she'll be so thrilled. And I promise, she will be completely safe with me and I'll have her home whenever you say so--"
"But you're not taking her without transportation."
And then Zac was beaten down once more.
"Cathy, dear," the judge called behind him toward the kitchen. "How would you like to go see the picture they're showing downtown tonight?"
Mrs. Harlow came down the hallway and into the living room. "Picture downtown? Well--I'm sure it's one we've already seen, isn't it?"
"I'm sure it is, but it's no matter. We could use the fresh air, anyway. What do you say?"
She looked completely bewildered as she answered, "Well, alright. Sure. Let me just go change my dress--"
"Why don't you see if Bessie is ready to go while you're up there," he said, winking at Zac.
A new kind of fear washed over Zac all of a sudden. Suddenly, he knew exactly where this was going.
"Bessie?" She asked, confused. "Why would I ask--?"
"Well, because I want to take my best gal to a picture and young Zac, here, needs some wheels to take his best gal to a picture and--well, why not just carpool there?"
"Jim!" Catherine hissed at her husband. "You can not intrude on our daughter's date like that!"
Thinking quick on his feet, knowing the consequences could possibly be dire for it, he decided to get it while the getting was good. "Oh, there's no intrusion, Mrs. Harlow. I much appreciate the offer. Judge Harlow is right, seven miles one way is much too far to expect someone to walk."
"There," the judge grinned in triumph. "Then it's settled. If you'll run up and see if our daughter is ready, we'll be on our way."
Zac's head spun as he stood in the living room, taking in everything that had just happened and everything that would happen. The whole thing was so surreal. He had no idea what the judge's angle was and, at this point, he almost didn't care. At this point, he was absolutely desperate to do anything it took to make everything for Bessie completely right. If that meant outing their relationship to her father and allowing him to chaperone their date, well, then, so be it. But in the end, Zac's conscience would be clear that he had at least tried, the right way.
A new fear washed over him now. Bessie would come down those stairs any moment now. Would she be glad to see him or would she be furious at his proactivity?
(Part One)
Zac lay awake for what felt like hours. It was already late when he'd come home and he longed for sleep, but his mind was going a mile a minute. He lay wide awake in his bed, half covered by a blanket, his arm behind his head, staring up at the blackness of the night as the crickets sounded outside the trailer. Isaac and Taylor were sound asleep and he was glad for it. He needed the peace and quiet to sort out his thoughts.
Oddly enough, his mind wasn't as consumed with his love-making with Bessie as he thought it would be. Though it was good, and he'd felt it completely in his heart, which was something that had never happened before, his mind was more consumed with the results of their love-making, rather than the act itself--with the judge and with his own short-comings. Her father was completely right about him. He had no future. No job, no money, no real means of taking care of himself, much less Bessie.
Up until a few weeks ago, Zac loved life. Sure, he and his brothers didn't have much, but he loved his freedom, he loved still being able to perform the act with this brothers when he could, and he was virtually carefree. He liked not being under someone's thumb, taking orders and abiding by a schedule set for him by crooked authority figures. He didn't want to be somebody's flunkie. He wanted to live life by his own rules and he was doing it just fine.
And then Bessie came along and everything changed. He stopped living in his dream world and was forced to look at his life for what it really was--which was nothing. And nothing wasn't going to cut it anymore. Not if he was ever going to have any future with Bessie Harlow. And at this point, life without her wasn't even an option.
And so he had to change. He had to do it. He had to be somebody, he had to do it for her. He wanted her and he needed her and there was no way he was going to let her go off to school while he sat around and twiddled his thumbs, waiting on some stupid carnival to come along. He was a grown man. Vaudeville was long since gone. It was finally time to start joining the real world and become an active member of society.
Boy, what a change that was going to be.
He rolled over and fluffed his pillow underneath his head. He willed himself to sleep. Prayed for it. For, tomorrow was a new day. On several different levels. Tomorrow, he would be a new man.
********************
"You're up early," Taylor remarked as Zac tied his hair up into a ponytail and tightened the tie around his neck.
Zac looked at himself in the mirror as he smoothed out his vest, his eyes exhausted from lack of sleep. "Yep. Got plans today," he muttered.
Taylor leaned in the bathroom doorway, crunching an apple loudly in Zac's ear, the sound instantly aggravating him. "So what happened last night? Get everything worked out with Bessie?"
"Yep."
"And?"
"And everything is okay."
"You were gone for awhile..."
"It's three miles to her house."
"Why are you so dressed up this early in the morning?"
Zac sighed and turned to look his brother in the eye. "Because I'm--I'm going to find work."
Taylor's eyes widened and he lowered the apple from his mouth mid-bite. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah," Zac nodded. "Yeah, I, um...yeah."
"Jesus, what the hell did you talk about last night?"
"What we talked about isn't the issue."
"Is it because of what she said when she was here?"
"Tay! Stop--stop interrogating me, okay?"
"I'm sorry, I just--why the sudden change? Not too long ago, you were dead set against working a daily job. You never wanted to work for anybody else. Now all of a sudden--"
"I gotta be better," Zac blurted, finally admitting it. "Okay? I have to. I have to be better for her. I can't--I can't do this anymore, not if I want...her. She deserves some kind of future and if I want her to have one with me, I gotta make one for myself. You know?"
Taylor's face softened and he nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, I get it. That's--that's good, I'm real proud of you. But--but, Zac, where are you gonna find work?"
"I don't know. Anywhere. I don't really care. I know a guy that owes me a favor, I'm gonna see what he has going on."
Taylor glanced out the door then peeked his head back in the bathroom and lowered his voice. "You know, I bet Ike could find something for you to do at the speakeasy. Money seems to be coming pretty easy for him lately."
Zac glared at his brother for such a suggestion. "I'm looking for honest work, Tay. Only honest work. Whatever Ike's going on, that's his...business. I don't want no part in it."
*********************
Walking to the feed store just outside the city limits half an hour later, Zac knew he was taking a chance. He knew finding any work anywhere was a slim-to-none chance, but if he didn't at least try, then he had no one to blame but himself.
Burt Anderson ran Anderson's Feed and Seed. It was the only feed store in Tulsa and just recently, Burt had turned it into a part general store, as well. Last summer, while Burt was transforming his store, Zac watched a truck full of feed turn over on its way to a delivery. Zac had been walking along the road and stopped to help clean up. Since then, Zac had spoken to the old man now and then, usually in passing, stopping to talk about the weather or how slow business was, and then they would be on their way. Today, Zac visited him at his store.
When Zac trotted up the steps and walked into the store, adjusting his cap on his head, he could have heard a pin drop. The store was empty of customers and Burt stood at the counter in a pair of bifocals, poring over whatever he was writing on his notepad. Looking up at Zac, Burt smiled and removed his bifocals. "Why, Zac. What brings you here? Last I heard, you didn't have any livestock."
"Ah. That's where you're wrong," Zac smiled, leaning his elbow on the counter. "I have a dog. And he's large as a bull."
Burt chuckled and lay his pencil down. "A dog, huh? Well, I have dog food, if that's what you're in the market for."
"I'll, uh, I'll keep that in mind," Zac replied, glancing at the counter. Then he looked up at the old man. "Listen, Burt, uh...remember last year when I helped with that overturned truck and you said you owed me a favor and I never took you up on that because I said I didn't believe in owing favors?"
"Yeah," Burt nodded. "Yeah, I think I remember that."
"Well. It turns out, I need a favor."
"Sure," Burt replied, studying Zac's face. "What can I do you for?"
Suddenly, Zac became nervous. He hated asking for anything. Absolutely loathed it. He was a firm believer in if he couldn't get it on his own, he didn't need it. He fought with his pride something fierce. "I was, uh, wondering if maybe you had anything around here that I could do?"
The old man, with his white hair and his blue eyes, studied Zac for a moment, looking him over. "Do, huh? Well, you see I don't have a whole lot of business around here."
"Yes, sir. I realize that, I just...thought I'd ask..."
Burt studied him some more, each pause for silence disheartening Zac more and more. "You got some arms on you, there, don't you, boy?"
"Uh, yeah," Zac smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess they'll do..."
"Today's your lucky day, son. Turns out, my loader back there took his back out a couple of days ago and I'm out a man to load up the hauls for the farmers. I'd do it myself, but, well, look at me. I'd break a hip just looking at a sack of feed." The two men paused to chuckle before he continued. "But I could use you. It's not steady work, maybe one day a week at best. And the pay ain't much, but it's something. And sometimes the farmers tip, too. And with the way you look, some of the ladies might tip you if you're here when they come in. Like I said, business is slow lately, but that's all I got to offer you."
Zac was beyond thrilled. He would take what he could get. "I'll take it," he blurted. "Thank you so much."
"You can start today. I got a farmer coming today to pick up twenty sacks of feed. And then that stock room needs some work, it's looking pathetic back there."
"Yes, sir," Zac said excitedly. "I'll get on it right now."
Zac couldn't believe his luck as he headed toward the back room and rolled up his sleeves. He couldn't wait to tell Bessie. As a matter of fact, tonight was going to be just swell. Tonight, he would take Bessie on a real date. He would do it all, he would bring her flowers, he would pay for her, he would do everything just like the way a real date was supposed to be.
Right down to picking her up at her front door.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
When Bessie awoke the next morning, she felt the soreness between her legs. She lay in bed and she stared at the ceiling, shamelessly letting the visuals from last night run through her head. She had done it. She had gone all the way. Lost her virginity. In less than twelve hours after first admitting she wanted to.
What did that say about her?
She figured that once it finally happened, she wouldn't be able to get to Millie to tell her fast enough. But, curiously, she wasn't in a rush to tell her. It wasn't because it had been bad. As a matter of fact, it had been quite enjoyable. Admittedly, she wasn't sure what she'd been so nervous about. Sure, it had been uncomfortable at first, but it wasn't like she was in excruciating pain like she expected to be.
And, Zac. She smiled at the ceiling at the thought. Zac was so unbelievably...sexy. She didn't realize just how much she'd wanted him until she was in that position with him last night. She was obsessed with his hair. And his arms and his chest and his shoulders. His voice as he breathed in her ear and his smile when he'd seemed satisfied by her. Chills raced through her body at the memories and she knew she had to get out of bed before she craved him again.
The reality of the situation hit her once she'd bathed and dressed and gone downstairs to greet her mother. Her mother was unusually silent and Bessie immediately feared the worst. She almost felt like she had it scrawled across her forehead or that her mother had some kind of psychic ability and had seen it all without actually being in the barn. Bessie just knew she'd been caught. Just knew it.
"Where are you off to today?" Her mother asked her as they sat in the living room together.
"Nowhere soon. Not until later."
"You're not meeting Zac?"
After the conversation with her father last night, Bessie wasn't sure how her mother felt about things. Surely he put his foot down with her after putting it down with Bessie.
"Later," she replied meekly. "We have a date tonight."
"How do you expect to get out of this house without your father knowing about it? The same way you did it last night?"
Bessie's eyes widened and she began to panic. "What are you--what do you mean?"
"Bessie, I'm not an idiot. Scout was scratching to get out of your bedroom last night and when I opened the door to let him out, you weren't in there."
"Mama, I had to talk to him," Bessie finally admitted. "After all those things Daddy said to me last night, I just had to talk to Zac."
"You're just lucky it was me who woke up last night and not your father."
"Mama, I'm so sorry you're in the middle of all this--"
"He told me what he said to you last night. I figured maybe you might have run away after all."
"I tried to," she said quietly. "But Zac wouldn't let me."
"Well, good for him, he's a smart man."
"Mama, do you--do you feel the same way that Daddy does now? Do you not want me to see Zac anymore, either?"
Her mother sighed and lay the knitting she'd been working on in her lap. "You know I'm in a very peculiar position, here. Your father is my husband, you know. And I do have to support him in some ways as both a wife and a mother. I don't have to agree with him, but I have to be willing to see his side of the fence, as well."
"Mama, he wants me to stop seeing him--for good."
"I'm very much aware of that--"
"But I just can't agree with it because there's nothing wrong with Zac. I could understand it if he was mean or rude or...or just a bad person, but he's not. Mama, he's good. He's good and he's kind and he's gentle and he cares about me. He doesn't treat me like a child, he looks at me and he speaks to me like I'm an adult. He respects me. Daddy should be glad for that."
"I do agree, Bessie. I mean, I can't say that I know Zac or can vouch for any of the things that you said, but I know you. And I know you have a good head on your shoulders and that you're smart enough to see the forest for the trees. I don't object to your seeing Zac. I trust your judgment."
"But...?"
"But I need you to find some way to humor your father, at least a little bit."
"You want me to find a way to lie to him."
"I want you to find a way to live the life you want to live and keep the peace."
"I'm going out with Zac tonight," Bessie said quietly. "And I'm not sure if I care whether Daddy knows or not."
Her mother sighed again and picked her knitting back up, turning her attention back to it. "You're just bound and determined to start World War II in this house, aren't you?"
"I didn't start the war. But I'll be darned if I'm going to lose it."
And with that, Bessie retreated back upstairs.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Zac was ashamed to admit that his muscles ached a little bit by the time he'd left the feed store. He was certainly no stranger to hard labor, but he was a little rusty when it came to the strenuous, repetitive aspect of it. It almost didn't help that his severe lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with him. The truth was, he could go home and lay down and sleep for days. But he didn't have time. He had to be awake and refreshed for Bessie. After all, this was about her.
He'd worked hard for Burt, though. He didn't feel like he could show his appreciation enough and he felt terribly guilty when he'd asked Burt if he could leave, even though he'd already excused him two hours earlier.
Back at the trailer, Isaac and Taylor wouldn't leave him alone, asking him question after question, and all Zac wanted to do was get ready for his date in peace.
"You're awful dressed up for a free picture being shown on a brick wall," Isaac remarked.
And then Zac finally admitted that he intended on coming face-to-face with the judge tonight in order to take Bessie out and that opened an entirely new line of questioning. Finally, Zac said to them, "I'm done with all this secret shit. I'm her man and her father's gonna know it. She doesn't deserve sneaking to sit under a tree or making love in a barn or anything like that. She's a proper lady and I'm gonna court her proper, too."
"Whoa! Back up!" Taylor said, getting excited. "Making love in a barn? Is that--is that where you ended up last night? Did you make a woman out of her? Is that what this is all about all of a sudden?"
"Mind your business," Zac muttered.
"Man. One time and you're already whipped. She must be some kinda woman."
"I'm warning you, Tay. Shut your trap."
"What? This is kind of a big deal for you--"
"Tay," Isaac shot at him. "Just leave him alone already."
"I'm only asking--"
"I gotta go," Zac said, looking at himself one last time in the mirror, barely satisfied with himself. He didn't look any different than normal, with his hair pulled back into his wool cap and his trousers and matching vest. This time he wore a tie under his vest and he rolled up his shirt sleeves as opposed to a jacket. "Should I wear a jacket?" He turned around and asked Isaac.
"Like I said, it's a free picture on a brick wall. You're probably overdressed--"
"For her father, I don't give a shit about the picture."
"Oh," Isaac smiled, amused. "Are you asking her father to go out with you?"
Zac glared at him. "In a sense, yes."
Isaac sighed. "Just be yourself."
Satisfied with the response, and not much more time to worry about it, Zac was out the trailer door.
**********************
Zac had never been more nervous in his entire life.
Bessie was supposed to meet him at six o'clock by the edge of the woods. She had no idea he'd chosen to show up at her doorstep at five-thirty. He hoped she wouldn't be upset. He sincerely hoped that his actions wouldn't be detrimental to their already-delicate situation.
Before he knocked, he made sure his tie was straight for the thousandth time and he pulled his great-grandfather's pocket watch out of his pocket and checked the time. Only a minute later than the last time he checked it. Zac was going to have to get over these nervous ticks he was having, and fast.
He gripped the bouquet of flowers in his hand as he swallowed and knocked on the door. He wasn't sure what he was afraid of the most: the judge being angered by his presence or Bessie being angered by his presence.
The wooden door opened, followed by the screen door, and Zac thought he might faint on impact. He was greeted by a genuine, but confused, smile on Catherine Harlow's face as she held the door open. "Well, isn't this quite the surprise?" She commented as she looked him up and down and the smile on her face grew into a grin. "Zac Hanson. What brings you here?"
"Um," he sputtered. His throat closed up and his tongue felt like sandpaper. "Hello, Mrs. Harlow. I came--um, I'm here to, uh..."
"You came for Bessie," she finished.
"Yes," he said, a relieved smile taking over his face. "Yes, ma'am, I did."
"Well, come on in, let's not have those beautiful flowers wilt before Bessie sees them."
Zac liked Mrs. Harlow. He'd decided he liked her when he first saw her talking to Bessie at the fair, but now he was sure. She was beautiful, just like her daughter, and her smile was instantly warm and comforting.
As he stepped into the house, he got a look around. For a farmhouse, it was elegantly decorated, similar to some of the fancy hotels he'd stayed in across the country. He was no stranger to the finer things in life and the inside of Bessie's house made him feel like he'd gone back in time, back when he was in vaudeville where he was making it big and everyone knew his name. It also reminded him of how quickly he had crashed and how it felt like he was having to start life from scratch all over again.
He didn't step too far into the doorway. He stood at the edge of the living room, looking down the narrow hallway which opened up into the kitchen. The large, wooden staircase next to him was obviously the pathway to Bessie's bedroom, but Zac dared not to even glance upward. He knew that one wrong move could be the possible demise of their relationship. And so he took off his cap and stood there patiently as Mrs. Harlow opened a door to a room underneath the staircase and told the judge to put on some shoes because they had company.
Zac's throat dried up again as the judge came from the room and walked down the hallway. He was tall and slender, his height every bit as intimidating as his reputation was. Zac remembered that he'd hated him once upon a time for putting him in jail and he hated him even up until recently. But now he could only have the utmost respect for him, solely because he was Bessie's father. Tonight, he wasn't Judge Harlow. He was just Bessie's father.
"Well. I'll be," Judge Harlow said as he entered the room and looked Zac over. "Zac Hanson. Gotta admit, I'm surprised to see you."
And then, all of a sudden, Zac went on the defensive. He didn't know where it came from, he didn't know if it was a testosterone thing or not, but he felt the need to stand a little straighter and puff his chest out a little more as he held his chin a little higher. He wouldn't dare give the judge the satisfaction of watching him cower as his palms poured with sweat. "Good evening, Judge Harlow," he greeted. "I presume you know why I'm here."
The judge tapped his chin as he looked him over again, in thought. "Yes...I presume I do."
"Bessie and I--well, we made plans for the evening. And she doesn't know that I'm here and I thought that since we made a date, that I should make it a date and that I should ask you if it would be okay if I escorted your daughter out tonight."
"Plans, huh? I had no idea..."
"I assumed you might not."
"Interesting choice of words."
Zac was beginning to get aggravated by the judge's vagueness. "Judge Harlow. I know what you think of me. And I didn't need Bessie to tell me. I know that I'm not the ideal choice for your daughter. But I think the world of her and I feel very strongly about her and I have nothing but the utmost respect for her. I'm sure not going to take her out, drink illegal liquor, and then insult her."
This garnered a knowing smirk out of the judge as he glanced at the floor and then back up at Zac. "You did a number on that kid, you know that?"
"Yeah, well. He deserved it."
"What would you have done if some other man had come and run off with your date?"
"No other man would have the opportunity, your honor."
Judge Harlow's smirk spread into an amused grin. "Good answer, son. And under my roof, I'm not 'your honor'. So, Zac. You've come to ask my permission to take my daughter out."
"Uh, if you want to put it that way, sure."
"You're a little older than her, aren't you?"
"A...a little..."
"I guess I just assumed that a man with your experience might want a woman who's...you know, been around a little more."
"The heart wants what the heart wants, sir. And I've found myself quite taken with Bessie. Never saw it coming till the day I saw her."
The judge nodded in thought as he stepped closer and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Zac, what are your intentions with my Bessie?"
"My intentions?"
The judge nodded, unamused with Zac's need to clarify.
"Um...well, sir, I intend to follow that little lady wherever she wants to take me."
At this, the judge chuckled loudly, startling Zac as he struggled to keep his cool. "Well, that's, um...that's...I wasn't expecting that one."
Zac sighed as he shifted his weight from one foot to the next. "Look. The truth is, I don't know what the future has in store for Bessie and me. I know she's going off to school. I know I'll be here. Right now, I'm leaving it all in her hands. Every bit of it. I'll do whatever she wants, if she wants a future with me, I'll make a future for us--"
"I'm glad you brought that up. That's what concerns me, Zac. Bessie and I had a conversation last night and she told me how she feels about you. I know what's going on here, I'm not blind to it. And I have to admit, the idea of her having any kind of future with you makes me nervous. It's not that I dislike you as a person, it's just that I can't see you taking care of my daughter the way she deserves to be taken care of. It's bad enough that I can't believe I'm even having this conversation about her at eighteen--"
"I already said that I'm going to make something of myself while she's in school. I--I even went out and found some work today just so I could take her out tonight. It's not much, but it's not nothing."
Judge Harlow's eyes widened with surprise and Zac wasn't sure how he felt about that. "Work? You managed to find work?"
"Like I said, it's not much. Burt Anderson found me something to do at his store and he says he's gonna keep me for as long as he can."
"Well, where did you plan on taking Bessie tonight?"
"There's a picture that's showing downtown that she wants to go see."
"So...you went out and found work today...just so you can take my daughter to a free movie?"
"Yes, sir. That's exactly what I did. I know you think I'm no good for her--and in a lot of ways I'm not. But I'm going to do right by her, Judge Harlow. I'm gonna make her proud of me and--and well, I want to make you proud of me, too. But mostly her. You know it's about her."
"Yes, yes. Of course. I just--well, Zac, I--I mean it's no secret that I haven't exactly approved of Bessie's relationship with you. She's my only daughter, you see, and I tend to feel rather protective over her. Some might say I've been a little too protective of her over the years. But, as her father, seeing her first boyfriend come in the form of a twenty-six-year-old...bachelor, who has the run of Tulsa, with no career and living with gypsies as opposed to a boy closer to her age that's tucked away safely in college with his future intact, well--you have to understand my concerns."
'Oh, man,' Zac thought to himself helplessly as he shifted his weight again. He had just taken Judge Harlow's daughter's innocence last night. His concerns were pretty much a moot point now.
"I'm not going to get on my knees and beg you," Zac finally replied. "I care deeply for your daughter and I'll do anything for her, but I won't degrade myself, either. The truth is, Bessie thinks she's meeting me at the edge of the woods in roughly ten minutes and we're going out regardless of the outcome here in this living room. I just wanted a chance to do right by her and take her out proper, the way it's supposed to be done. This is me. This is who I am. I am Zachary Hanson, former vaudeville star, who lives in a trailer with his brothers. I'm only a man, who is helplessly smitten with your daughter. That's it."
Judge Harlow looked at Zac in silence. Stepping a few steps over, he let himself sit mindlessly on the arm of a chair as he shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to look him over. "I didn't hear a car outside when you pulled up."
Zac was caught completely off guard by the change in subject. "Well, uh, our car is waiting to be fixed at the moment."
"So you walked."
"I walk everywhere."
"And you were going to walk my daughter seven miles into town on her feet one way?"
"Um...well, she likes to go for walks--"
"Unacceptable."
"With all due respect, sir, I'm not understanding..."
"Well, dammit, boy, I like you. I don't want to like you. I want to rip your head off just because you're a man who's helplessly smitten with my daughter. It could be you or the President of the United States, it wouldn't matter. You don't have much going for you right now and I still believe you're a terribly bad influence on her, but by god, you beat up the D. A.'s son in her honor, you had the balls enough to step into my household and tell me how things were going to be, and you went out and defied odds by finding some work just so you could take her out tonight. And, well, I gotta respect that. I think that a man who works that hard and makes an effort to impress me just to buy her a bag of popcorn at a free picture deserves to get what he came for. So...yes. Yes, you may take my daughter out tonight."
Zac couldn't control the smile that now crept over his face as he felt compelled to reach out to the judge and shake his hand. "Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. Oh, she'll be so thrilled. And I promise, she will be completely safe with me and I'll have her home whenever you say so--"
"But you're not taking her without transportation."
And then Zac was beaten down once more.
"Cathy, dear," the judge called behind him toward the kitchen. "How would you like to go see the picture they're showing downtown tonight?"
Mrs. Harlow came down the hallway and into the living room. "Picture downtown? Well--I'm sure it's one we've already seen, isn't it?"
"I'm sure it is, but it's no matter. We could use the fresh air, anyway. What do you say?"
She looked completely bewildered as she answered, "Well, alright. Sure. Let me just go change my dress--"
"Why don't you see if Bessie is ready to go while you're up there," he said, winking at Zac.
A new kind of fear washed over Zac all of a sudden. Suddenly, he knew exactly where this was going.
"Bessie?" She asked, confused. "Why would I ask--?"
"Well, because I want to take my best gal to a picture and young Zac, here, needs some wheels to take his best gal to a picture and--well, why not just carpool there?"
"Jim!" Catherine hissed at her husband. "You can not intrude on our daughter's date like that!"
Thinking quick on his feet, knowing the consequences could possibly be dire for it, he decided to get it while the getting was good. "Oh, there's no intrusion, Mrs. Harlow. I much appreciate the offer. Judge Harlow is right, seven miles one way is much too far to expect someone to walk."
"There," the judge grinned in triumph. "Then it's settled. If you'll run up and see if our daughter is ready, we'll be on our way."
Zac's head spun as he stood in the living room, taking in everything that had just happened and everything that would happen. The whole thing was so surreal. He had no idea what the judge's angle was and, at this point, he almost didn't care. At this point, he was absolutely desperate to do anything it took to make everything for Bessie completely right. If that meant outing their relationship to her father and allowing him to chaperone their date, well, then, so be it. But in the end, Zac's conscience would be clear that he had at least tried, the right way.
A new fear washed over him now. Bessie would come down those stairs any moment now. Would she be glad to see him or would she be furious at his proactivity?