THE BARN
Zac nearly collapsed when he stopped at the edge of the woods on the Harlows' property. Three miles. He'd run as fast and hard as he could, finally having to slow to a jog, but still managed to run. Catching his breath, he leaned up against a tree and stared at the house, up at the only light that shone on the whole house--and when he saw her beautiful, graceful frame walked past it, he knew it was Bessie's bedroom.
She was still awake. That was a good sign. He knew she'd probably had well over half an hour on him, considering she'd flown home on her bicycle and it had taken him at least twenty minutes to get there. But she was still awake. And that, alone, bred hope.
As he continued to catch his breath, he watched her silhouette come to the window. She couldn't see him and he knew that. But it apparently didn't stop her from raising her window a crack. Her movements suggested that this was a nightly routine and he made a mental note of that for future reference.
After a couple of minutes, after he felt sufficiently cooled down, he crossed the property in a steady walk, hoping that Scout wouldn't hear any strange sounds from wherever he was and blow his cover with his bark. The last thing Zac needed was to wake the judge.
She had just turned off her light when he got to the house and now he stood in complete darkness. There was a ladder that he'd seen attached to the house that led straight to her room, but he was afraid to startle her if he climbed up. Letting his eyes search the darkness for a moment, he followed the moonlight to the dirt road in front of the house, trotted up to it, and returned with a hand full of small rocks.
It only took one light toss to hit the glass on her window before he heard Scout's growling from above him. He was in her bedroom. Great. That dog would be the death of him, yet, he just knew it. But he had to try. He had to take the chance.
He tossed the second one and the growling returned. This time, however, he saw movement above him and he hissed up at the window, "Bessie! It's me!"
"Zac?" She whispered loudly. "Are you crazy?"
"Meet me in the barn," he hissed back up. And then, embarking on a new journey, he started across the large property to the empty barn near the edge of the woods.
********************
Zac heard Bessie's bicycle hit the ground before he saw her appear in the doorway of the barn. He had already pulled the chain on the dim, overhead light bulb and he heard her breathless voice greet him as her silhouette showed up in the doorway. Bringing her bicycle inside, she closed the heavy barn door behind her and turned around and looked at him. He was immediately drawn to the quilt that was draped over her arm.
"What's that for?" He asked, pointing at it.
"It's to lay over the hay pile so we don't get stuck by all the prickles."
He was amused by how she'd said it. 'Stuck by all the prickles.' It was cute. Wildly adorable. Just like she was, all the time.
He watched wordlessly as she carefully spread the quilt over the hay pile, fluffing and pulling and making sure it lay perfectly. He had to admit, despite how adorable he thought she was, he was beginning to feel a little differently lately and seeing her in her night clothes didn't help matters. He longed to see what she wore underneath the short-sleeved robe that was tied tightly around her waist and nearly reached her ankles that was white with little pink roses and made entirely of satin. On her feet were little white slippers with pompoms on top and a low heel in the back. These, she slipped off of her feet as she tucked her legs neatly underneath her and made herself comfortable on the quilt.
He sat beside her, his movements slow, as he began to break a sweat. He was beginning to feel things, things he knew he shouldn't be feeling. Maybe he should leave. He obviously couldn't handle being so close to her, dressed the way she was. He cleared his throat, alarmed at how nervous he suddenly was. "Bessie, I--I don't want us to be over. I'm not...well, I'm not entirely sure what happened back there, but that's what it felt like. And I don't want that."
"Neither do I," she replied, her face falling. He thought he detected guilt in her expression, but he dared not call her out on it.
"So, don't let us be over. I thought we were just beginning?"
"I didn't come there to break up with you. I came there to be with you."
"I know," he whispered. "But you gotta understand, I wasn't--I wasn't trying to send you away. I'm not sure where you got all those ideas you were talking about back there, but you got them all wrong. I do want you, I do want to be with you, I never want us to be apart. But I care about you too much to let you live my life. That's what I was trying to get you to understand. It has nothing to do with whether I want you or not. It has to do with the way I live. Hell, Bess, I don't even like the way I live sometimes. And I'm certainly not going to let you live day to day, wondering about your next meal, or whether you'll be warm for the winter, or even whether our babies will have shoes on their feet. Okay? Not when you have options. And, you know, when you go off to school, it won't be over for us. Not by a long shot. Because while you're off at school, I'll be here making something of myself. Bettering myself for you. So that you can come home to me and we can live our lives together. Okay? That is what I was trying to get you to understand, but you wouldn't listen."
"I'm so ashamed of myself," she whispered back, unable to look at him. "I can't believe you're even here after all the horrible stuff I just said to you."
"You were upset. I get it, it's okay."
"But it's not okay. It's not. I was upset at my father, not at you. And I shouldn't have come there and--and embarrassed you like that in front of your family and your friends and I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that. It's just--Zac, I miss you all the time. And I don't know if it's natural to miss you the way I do, but just judging by the way I miss you now, just imagine what it's going to be like when I go to school. I won't survive it, Zac, I just won't. I know you probably think I'm crazy and it's okay if you do--"
He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. "It's okay," he said gently. "I don't think you're crazy. I feel the same way. I miss you, too. All the time. Even in the short amount of time it took me to get here tonight."
"Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Every day and every night."
Her eyes fell as she fidgeted with her hands that lay in her lap. "I'm sorry it has to be this way. Daddy just doesn't--he doesn't understand. I told him it wasn't fair, but--but he just won't listen--"
"It's okay. I understand. I mean, I'm no...you know, doctor or lawyer or anything like that. Your father just wants what's best for you--"
"He doesn't know what's best for me," she shot.
Zac was a little taken aback by her tone. "Well, for eighteen years, he did--"
"That's just it. For eighteen years, he did. Except that I'm a grown woman now and what's best for me has changed and--and what if what's best for me is you?"
He looked at her for a moment, swallowing the lump in his throat, and then he took her hand and brought it to his lips, gently kissing the back of it. "I like you, Bessie. I like you a lot and I want to be with you all the time. But I understand your father's apprehensions about me. And, for the moment, he's right about all of them. At the moment, I'm broke and I have no future--"
"I don't care about any of that. I don't. All I care about is you."
"Bessie--"
Her voice cracked and he watched the tears well up in her eyes. "I don't want us to be over. Please don't let us be over, Zac."
He couldn't help the small smile that formed across his lips. "Funny, I just said that to you." Then his expression was serious once more. "We're not over. I'm not trying to end things. I just think we should try to be more careful. Before your father tries to keep us apart for good."
"He can't keep us apart."
Zac nodded, regretfully. "Yes, he can."
She sniffed and she pulled her hand from his and turned her head, her eyes darting off into the near distance. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Neither did Zac. But he didn't know what else to say in the moment and, in order to fill the silence, he did the only thing else he knew how to do: he pulled her into his arms and he kissed her.
To his delight, Bessie responded instantly and she wrapped her arms around his neck. To further his delight, her hands dropped to his collar and she unbuttoned the top just enough to open it up and let her lips gently caress his neck. He closed his eyes and he released a slow breath, her touch and her kiss just as sweet and tender as she was.
Before he knew it, he was lowering her onto her back onto the quilt and she didn't seem to mind. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed laying down, after all, but it was the first time that he found that he was struggling to resist his urges. He wanted to do right by Bessie. He wanted to respect her. But it was finally getting to the point now where his body didn't want to cooperate anymore.
Realizing that she was feeling promiscuous as she started to unbutton his vest, he began to have a very serious moral battle with himself. The way the satin of her robe felt under his hand didn't help matters. If anything, it only made things worse.
He shouldn't have allowed her to peel his vest back off of his shoulders, but he did. He shouldn't have tucked his arm under her knees and draped her legs over the back of his thigh, but he did it anyway. He shouldn't have been turned on by her sighs as he kissed her neck and he shouldn't have allowed her to pull the tie out of his hair and run her hands through it, but he allowed it anyway. He couldn't help himself. He wasn't in control anymore.
In spite of himself, he took a chance and he untied the front of her robe. He looked in her face as he opened it, one side at a time, making sure he was doing the right thing. She looked back at him, expressionless, but she wasn't stopping him. He looked down at her after he'd opened her robe and he took in a breath. He'd seen her in less, in her swimsuit at the river, but there was something about her beauty in her nightgown that made him need her more now than he thought he did at the river. There was an elegance and a grace about her as she wore the satin gown with the tiny roses that matched the robe he already couldn't get enough of.
He lowered his head to kiss her again before he stopped, his breath quickening and his hair in his face as he looked into her eyes. "Bessie," he whispered. "I think--I want to go all the way with you."
Bessie's eyes widened in alarm. "All--all the way?"
"Yeah," he said, breathlessly. "I mean, I know--I know we're not married or anything. And I know this is--this is very forward of me--and you can say no if you want--but I just can't help myself."
She continued to blink at him. He wasn't sure if she was thinking about it or if she was appalled by him. Probably the latter. Finally, she said, "If we go all the way, you won't want to be my beau anymore."
Zac furrowed his brow in confusion. "What? Yes, I will. I always will."
"Millie says that boys who want to go all the way before marriage are only after one thing and after they get what they want, they leave and you never see them again."
"Millie?" He smirked. "Isn't she the one who was going all the way with my brother for the past two summers?"
"Are you saying you want to go all the way because your brother got to go all the way?"
This was going in completely the wrong direction. Zac wasn't sure if he knew how to recover. "No," he shook his head. "No, it's not like that for me. Look, we don't have to do anything if you're not ready. I'm not that kind of guy. If you're not ready, I'll wait for you."
Her face fell and her eyes darted around his chest as she thought. "But--if I don't go all the way with you...and...and you still want to...you'll just--you'll just find another girl who will..."
"What?" He asked incredulously. "Bessie, baby, no. That's not true at all. I would never do that to you."
"But that's what all the boys do," she objected meekly.
Zac was growing very frustrated with her ignorance very fast. "How would you even know? Who's been filling your head with this stuff over the years? Millie? Your father?"
"Everybody knows that when a boy wants--"
"I'm not a boy, Bessie. I'm not a high school boy, I'm not a college boy--I'm a man in my late twenties. I know how my body operates and I know how to deal with it. And if you're not ready, that's okay. Trust me, I don't have to go find other women to--to deal with my issues. I only want you. Nobody else."
She was silent for a moment as her eyes stared into his. "Really?"
"Yes," he nodded. "Really."
"Do you promise?"
"I promise. I promise one hundred percent, cross my heart and hope to die. I promise. Okay? Nobody else."
"What if--what if it takes me a year or two to be ready?"
"Then that's how long I'll wait."
"Zac--"
"I promise."
"I think I'm ready," she whispered.
Immediately, Zac's heart pounded and his palms became sweaty. "Already?"
Bessie nodded. "Yes. I just--I needed you to promise that you wouldn't leave me."
"Bessie, baby. I could never leave you. You're my girl. My sweetheart."
Finally, she smiled at him, a smile that never failed to melt his heart. "You're my sweetheart, too," she whispered.
He lowered his head and he kissed her lips gently. "Are you sure you're ready?" He whispered. "Because it's okay if you're not."
She nodded. "I am. I'm ready. Will it--do you think it might hurt?"
He smiled down at her. "It might for a second. But after that you should start to like it. Well, I hope you will, anyway."
"I've never done this before."
"I know."
"Be patient with me."
"Absolutely." He leaned back a little and put his weight on his elbow in the hay. From there, he slowly began to unbutton his shirt. "I'm gonna take off my shirt. If that's okay."
She nodded as she watched his fingers nimbly at work, button by button. "Okay."
And then he watched her start to blush and he smiled. "You've seen me without my shirt before. Why are you being shy?"
Her cheeks only became more red as he peeled his shirt off of his back and discarded it in the hay on the other side of her. "I don't know," she said, meekly. "I just--um..."
"Do you like seeing me without a shirt?" He smiled. "It's okay if you do. You don't have to be afraid to tell me."
She nodded her answer shyly as he took her hand and laid her palm out on his bare chest. "Do you feel that?" He whispered. "My heart beats like that every time I'm with you. It beats so fast, sometimes I think it'll beat right out of my chest. My heart's never beaten like that for anyone else."
He felt her fingers softly curl against his chest underneath his hand. She never took her eyes off of his chest and she bit her lip as if she were thinking. Finally, she looked into his eyes and he could feel her body tremble just slightly underneath him. "Zac," she whispered. "Make love to me."
She didn't have to say anything else. Lowering his body close to hers again, he kissed her lips and let his hand slowly drift down her satin-covered body. She allowed him to gently position her body underneath him the way he needed it--pushing her gown up over her thighs and spreading her legs underneath him. Her face read complete bewilderment and he held himself together as the smoothness of her legs made his senses run wild.
"If you want to take off your nightgown, you can," he whispered to her. "But you don't have to if you don't want to. I only want you to be comfortable."
She nodded and then she slowly took her arms out of the sleeves of her robe, revealing a sleeveless nightgown with a string that tied the small collar together at the neck. He had to admit surprise when she reached for her neck and pulled one of the strings, loosening the tie and opening the collar. The neckline plunged loosely between her breasts and the material lay open just enough so that he could almost see her breasts in their entirety. He knew that what lie beneath her gown was more beautiful than anything he could ever imagine. However, he promised he would be patient and if she wasn't willing to reveal herself tonight, that was okay. The best things in life were worth the wait.
For now, he looked into her eyes as he slid his hand inside the top of her gown and took one of her breasts in his hand. Her breasts were small, just enough to fill his hand, and they were soft and pert and absolutely perfect, just as he knew they would be. He couldn't deny that he'd daydreamed about the way she must look under her clothing more times than he could count. But nothing in his dreams compared to the beauty of his reality.
Massaging her breast gently in his hand, he kissed her lips again and she responded with more fervor now than before. Sliding her hands up his arms and around his neck in such a way that sent chills running violently down his spine, she parted his lips with her tongue and kissed him with want and need. He groaned into her mouth as he began to tease her small nipple between his fingers and she broke their kiss long enough to gasp and let out a satisfied sigh.
After a moment, he pulled his hand from her gown and lowered it to the top of his pants, where he unfastened them and slowly let down the zipper. He watched Bessie's face the entire time, like he did with every new move he made, just to make sure she was okay. She didn't object and he continued by releasing himself and lifting his hips to shove his pants down over them.
Kicking the remainder of his trousers off of his ankles, he reached up and caressed her cheek. "Are you okay?" He asked her.
He'd made her nervous again, he could tell. His complete nudity right there in front of her, under the dim barn light, was turning him on more than he already had been. He wanted to be patient. He wanted to be oh, so patient because he'd promised her. He wanted her to be comfortable. But in the process, it was making him more and more uncomfortable and he ached with need.
Suddenly she asked quietly, "Are you--are you about to--is this it?"
He looked into her eyes, wanting to be amused, and feeling a little guilty at the same time. He'd never taken anyone's virginity before, but being with Bessie felt so natural. "Only if you want it to be," he whispered.
She nodded again, her seemingly preferred method of response tonight, and Zac was okay with that. He tucked his arm underneath her body and held her close to him, lowered his head, and left open-mouthed kisses on her neck. As he did this, he let his free hand drift down below her waist and underneath the satin material that had been pushed high over her thighs. He was surprised, and a bit pleased, with what he felt. Her hair was fine, soft, and seemingly minimal. He didn't have to fight through it to feel her skin and this made him even more eager for her.
Watching her face, he pressed his middle finger firmly into the round button of skin between her legs and rotated it in slow, deliberate circles. At first, shock flashed in her eyes. Then, her jaw slackened and she let out a breath as her entire body relaxed into a limp state underneath him. He watched her chest heave with breath as she closed her eyes and tilted her chin toward the ceiling. Keeping a steady rhythm, he kissed her chin, her jaw, and then gently kissed her neck, letting his tongue run the length of it before he started over again.
Faster than he realized, her body began to tremble underneath him and small whimpers began to escape her throat. Keeping his eyes on her face, he listened to her breath catch as she bit her lip and her legs started to shake. Finally, he pressed into her one last time, with more force than before, and she squeezed her eyes shut and opened her mouth and her voice sounded like something that was a mixture of a gasp and a moan and it came out ragged, but Zac didn't care. It was music to his ears and her release made him happy.
As her pulsating skin slowed to a stop against his finger, he brought his hand from between her legs as she struggled to calm her breathing. He smiled at her as his hand now mindlessly ran softly along her leg and her eyes finally caught his. "How do you feel?" He asked.
Her eyes were wide with wonder as her chest still heaved. "Amazing," she said in awe. "What just happened?"
His grin widened, ever charmed by her innocence. "Looks like you just had your first orgasm."
Her brow furrowed. "My first what?"
"Are you serious?"
"Is that supposed to happen? Was that it? It didn't hurt at all!"
He let out a breath. "What you felt was an orgasm. When you get aroused to a certain point, your body...releases it. Yes, that is supposed to happen, and no, that's not quite it."
Her eyes lit up excitedly. "There's more? Do it again!"
He lowered his head and rested his forehead against hers. "Bessie. Baby. I'm happy you're happy. And I'm happy to do that again for you for as much as you want me to. But I really need to try something a little different. Okay?"
She nodded, her forehead moving underneath his. "Okay." She was a much more willing participant than she was earlier and Zac was glad for it.
"Are you relaxed now? I need you to be relaxed."
She nodded again with excitement. "Yeah," she breathed. "Yeah, I'm relaxed."
And then, without a warning that maybe he should have issued, he eased himself inside her, as slowly as he could possibly handle it.
He watched her face to make sure she was okay. The way she felt was of his utmost importance and he wanted to stop in the moment that she said to stop because he wanted her to trust him. Her face writhed in pain, though he went as painfully slow as he possibly could. He thrust gently, stopped, and then repeated the process, but yet her face still reflected the pain. He decided he didn't quite like taking a girl's virginity and he was glad that this would be the first and last time he ever did it.
Then, as he found himself halfway in, it grew more and more difficult to continue. Bessie's body was trembling underneath him and her eyes were squeezed shut and he caressed her face gently and whispered, "Bessie, baby. I need you to relax for me, okay? I promise, I'm not trying to hurt you. Open your eyes, look at me." Doing as he said, she hesitantly creaked her eyes open and looked at him. He smiled, barely able to keep it together. "That's my girl. Kiss me. Pull my hair. Take it out on me, do whatever you need to do, but your body needs to relax. It'll only hurt for a second. Okay? Can you do that for me?"
She nodded and reached around his neck, grabbing a handful of his hair, and she yanked on it--harder than he would have liked. "Like that? Is that okay?"
He smiled and nodded. "Yeah. You can do that."
With that, he continued his journey inside her, longing to get this part over with. He hated seeing her uncomfortable and, selfishly, he just needed his own release.
After what felt like centuries, he was finally completely inside her and he stayed in place for a moment before he pulled back and started over. By the third stroke or so, Bessie seemed to relax a little more and she released her grip on his hair, now seeming to favor the act of digging her nails into the skin on his shoulders. Slowly but surely, her breathing seemed to pick up and he looked at her face one more time to find that she finally appeared to be enjoying it.
Thank God.
Zac was finally able to pick up a rhythm that suited him and he only grew more excited when Bessie began to sigh in his ear. "Bessie," he whispered, unable to help himself. "Oh, sweet Bessie."
Underneath him, he felt her arch her back as she tightened her arms over his shoulders. She lifted her legs, spreading them wider as she hooked her ankles together high around his waist and he knew he wouldn't last much longer after that.
Suddenly, he felt her body pulse around him on the inside and her teeth tugged at his ear, a groan escaping her throat in a surprising turn of events. He hadn't expected her to get quite so turned on the first time, much less so much the second time and, for this, he was over-the-moon pleased.
He released after she did, burying his face in her neck and taking in the sweet scent of melon and honey from her hair. She always smelled of melon and honey. It was one of the things he loved about her.
When he'd calmed down, Zac lifted his head and was met by her lips, kissing him feverishly. Smiling through her kisses, he asked her, "Are you okay?"
She blinked, her eyelids heavy with pleasure. "I'm wonderful. And so are you."
Now it was his turn to blush as he relaxed himself next to her, helping her pull her nightgown back down, and pulling her into his arms. He let out a breath and he smiled up at the rafters above them. "Wow. I gotta relax for a second."
Shifting her body, she pulled up the free section of the quilt that lay beside her and tossed it carelessly over their bodies. She curled up against Zac and rested her cheek against his chest, tracing random circles into his skin with her finger. "I love you," she breathed.
He smiled and tightened his arm around her shoulders, fighting the nerves that those three words had suddenly produced. "No, you don't. You just had really good sex. It's easy to confuse the two."
Bessie gasped and covered her mouth. "I can't believe you just said that!"
"What? Sex?"
"Shh!"
"It is what it is, Bessie."
"No, it isn't. I prefer to call it making love. That's what we did. Not...not the other thing."
He chuckled and he shook his head. "Call it whatever you want. Either way, it was still good."
"Well. I can agree with that."
They lay there in silence for a moment, each silently reminiscing of the evening's most recent events. Zac sighed, knowing that the inevitable was coming and he was nowhere near ready for it. So he decided to get it over with.
"Bessie, baby?" He whispered. "I gotta go."
"No," she said in a half whine, half pout. "Please stay. You said you wouldn't leave."
"I'm not leaving you, I just--Bessie, you know I can't stay. You can't spend the night in the barn and they can't catch you here with me. Especially not like this. You know I have to go."
She looked up at him, resting her chin on her hand. "It hurts so much when you're not around. It's unbearable sometimes."
"I know," he whispered. "I hurt the same way."
"I hate this."
"Me, too," he said, tucking her hair behind her ear and caressing her cheek with his thumb.
"Tomorrow's Thursday. I hope you haven't forgotten about the picture downtown. I'd still like to go with you, if you still want to go with me."
"You got it, sweet girl," he smiled. "Meet me at the edge of the woods around six o'clock."
"Six? Why so late?"
"I have a few things I have to take care of tomorrow."
That answer seeming to suffice for her, she grinned back at him. "I can't wait."
Someone once said--Shakespeare, Zac remembered--that parting was such sweet sorrow. Except that it wasn't. There was nothing sweet about it. Six o'clock tomorrow evening couldn't come fast enough. One thing was certain, though, as he made sure she was safely up the ladder and back in her window before making his trek home: he may have told her that she felt a false sense of love for him due to their love-making, but the love he felt for her was one hundred percent real.
Zac nearly collapsed when he stopped at the edge of the woods on the Harlows' property. Three miles. He'd run as fast and hard as he could, finally having to slow to a jog, but still managed to run. Catching his breath, he leaned up against a tree and stared at the house, up at the only light that shone on the whole house--and when he saw her beautiful, graceful frame walked past it, he knew it was Bessie's bedroom.
She was still awake. That was a good sign. He knew she'd probably had well over half an hour on him, considering she'd flown home on her bicycle and it had taken him at least twenty minutes to get there. But she was still awake. And that, alone, bred hope.
As he continued to catch his breath, he watched her silhouette come to the window. She couldn't see him and he knew that. But it apparently didn't stop her from raising her window a crack. Her movements suggested that this was a nightly routine and he made a mental note of that for future reference.
After a couple of minutes, after he felt sufficiently cooled down, he crossed the property in a steady walk, hoping that Scout wouldn't hear any strange sounds from wherever he was and blow his cover with his bark. The last thing Zac needed was to wake the judge.
She had just turned off her light when he got to the house and now he stood in complete darkness. There was a ladder that he'd seen attached to the house that led straight to her room, but he was afraid to startle her if he climbed up. Letting his eyes search the darkness for a moment, he followed the moonlight to the dirt road in front of the house, trotted up to it, and returned with a hand full of small rocks.
It only took one light toss to hit the glass on her window before he heard Scout's growling from above him. He was in her bedroom. Great. That dog would be the death of him, yet, he just knew it. But he had to try. He had to take the chance.
He tossed the second one and the growling returned. This time, however, he saw movement above him and he hissed up at the window, "Bessie! It's me!"
"Zac?" She whispered loudly. "Are you crazy?"
"Meet me in the barn," he hissed back up. And then, embarking on a new journey, he started across the large property to the empty barn near the edge of the woods.
********************
Zac heard Bessie's bicycle hit the ground before he saw her appear in the doorway of the barn. He had already pulled the chain on the dim, overhead light bulb and he heard her breathless voice greet him as her silhouette showed up in the doorway. Bringing her bicycle inside, she closed the heavy barn door behind her and turned around and looked at him. He was immediately drawn to the quilt that was draped over her arm.
"What's that for?" He asked, pointing at it.
"It's to lay over the hay pile so we don't get stuck by all the prickles."
He was amused by how she'd said it. 'Stuck by all the prickles.' It was cute. Wildly adorable. Just like she was, all the time.
He watched wordlessly as she carefully spread the quilt over the hay pile, fluffing and pulling and making sure it lay perfectly. He had to admit, despite how adorable he thought she was, he was beginning to feel a little differently lately and seeing her in her night clothes didn't help matters. He longed to see what she wore underneath the short-sleeved robe that was tied tightly around her waist and nearly reached her ankles that was white with little pink roses and made entirely of satin. On her feet were little white slippers with pompoms on top and a low heel in the back. These, she slipped off of her feet as she tucked her legs neatly underneath her and made herself comfortable on the quilt.
He sat beside her, his movements slow, as he began to break a sweat. He was beginning to feel things, things he knew he shouldn't be feeling. Maybe he should leave. He obviously couldn't handle being so close to her, dressed the way she was. He cleared his throat, alarmed at how nervous he suddenly was. "Bessie, I--I don't want us to be over. I'm not...well, I'm not entirely sure what happened back there, but that's what it felt like. And I don't want that."
"Neither do I," she replied, her face falling. He thought he detected guilt in her expression, but he dared not call her out on it.
"So, don't let us be over. I thought we were just beginning?"
"I didn't come there to break up with you. I came there to be with you."
"I know," he whispered. "But you gotta understand, I wasn't--I wasn't trying to send you away. I'm not sure where you got all those ideas you were talking about back there, but you got them all wrong. I do want you, I do want to be with you, I never want us to be apart. But I care about you too much to let you live my life. That's what I was trying to get you to understand. It has nothing to do with whether I want you or not. It has to do with the way I live. Hell, Bess, I don't even like the way I live sometimes. And I'm certainly not going to let you live day to day, wondering about your next meal, or whether you'll be warm for the winter, or even whether our babies will have shoes on their feet. Okay? Not when you have options. And, you know, when you go off to school, it won't be over for us. Not by a long shot. Because while you're off at school, I'll be here making something of myself. Bettering myself for you. So that you can come home to me and we can live our lives together. Okay? That is what I was trying to get you to understand, but you wouldn't listen."
"I'm so ashamed of myself," she whispered back, unable to look at him. "I can't believe you're even here after all the horrible stuff I just said to you."
"You were upset. I get it, it's okay."
"But it's not okay. It's not. I was upset at my father, not at you. And I shouldn't have come there and--and embarrassed you like that in front of your family and your friends and I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that. It's just--Zac, I miss you all the time. And I don't know if it's natural to miss you the way I do, but just judging by the way I miss you now, just imagine what it's going to be like when I go to school. I won't survive it, Zac, I just won't. I know you probably think I'm crazy and it's okay if you do--"
He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. "It's okay," he said gently. "I don't think you're crazy. I feel the same way. I miss you, too. All the time. Even in the short amount of time it took me to get here tonight."
"Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Every day and every night."
Her eyes fell as she fidgeted with her hands that lay in her lap. "I'm sorry it has to be this way. Daddy just doesn't--he doesn't understand. I told him it wasn't fair, but--but he just won't listen--"
"It's okay. I understand. I mean, I'm no...you know, doctor or lawyer or anything like that. Your father just wants what's best for you--"
"He doesn't know what's best for me," she shot.
Zac was a little taken aback by her tone. "Well, for eighteen years, he did--"
"That's just it. For eighteen years, he did. Except that I'm a grown woman now and what's best for me has changed and--and what if what's best for me is you?"
He looked at her for a moment, swallowing the lump in his throat, and then he took her hand and brought it to his lips, gently kissing the back of it. "I like you, Bessie. I like you a lot and I want to be with you all the time. But I understand your father's apprehensions about me. And, for the moment, he's right about all of them. At the moment, I'm broke and I have no future--"
"I don't care about any of that. I don't. All I care about is you."
"Bessie--"
Her voice cracked and he watched the tears well up in her eyes. "I don't want us to be over. Please don't let us be over, Zac."
He couldn't help the small smile that formed across his lips. "Funny, I just said that to you." Then his expression was serious once more. "We're not over. I'm not trying to end things. I just think we should try to be more careful. Before your father tries to keep us apart for good."
"He can't keep us apart."
Zac nodded, regretfully. "Yes, he can."
She sniffed and she pulled her hand from his and turned her head, her eyes darting off into the near distance. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Neither did Zac. But he didn't know what else to say in the moment and, in order to fill the silence, he did the only thing else he knew how to do: he pulled her into his arms and he kissed her.
To his delight, Bessie responded instantly and she wrapped her arms around his neck. To further his delight, her hands dropped to his collar and she unbuttoned the top just enough to open it up and let her lips gently caress his neck. He closed his eyes and he released a slow breath, her touch and her kiss just as sweet and tender as she was.
Before he knew it, he was lowering her onto her back onto the quilt and she didn't seem to mind. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed laying down, after all, but it was the first time that he found that he was struggling to resist his urges. He wanted to do right by Bessie. He wanted to respect her. But it was finally getting to the point now where his body didn't want to cooperate anymore.
Realizing that she was feeling promiscuous as she started to unbutton his vest, he began to have a very serious moral battle with himself. The way the satin of her robe felt under his hand didn't help matters. If anything, it only made things worse.
He shouldn't have allowed her to peel his vest back off of his shoulders, but he did. He shouldn't have tucked his arm under her knees and draped her legs over the back of his thigh, but he did it anyway. He shouldn't have been turned on by her sighs as he kissed her neck and he shouldn't have allowed her to pull the tie out of his hair and run her hands through it, but he allowed it anyway. He couldn't help himself. He wasn't in control anymore.
In spite of himself, he took a chance and he untied the front of her robe. He looked in her face as he opened it, one side at a time, making sure he was doing the right thing. She looked back at him, expressionless, but she wasn't stopping him. He looked down at her after he'd opened her robe and he took in a breath. He'd seen her in less, in her swimsuit at the river, but there was something about her beauty in her nightgown that made him need her more now than he thought he did at the river. There was an elegance and a grace about her as she wore the satin gown with the tiny roses that matched the robe he already couldn't get enough of.
He lowered his head to kiss her again before he stopped, his breath quickening and his hair in his face as he looked into her eyes. "Bessie," he whispered. "I think--I want to go all the way with you."
Bessie's eyes widened in alarm. "All--all the way?"
"Yeah," he said, breathlessly. "I mean, I know--I know we're not married or anything. And I know this is--this is very forward of me--and you can say no if you want--but I just can't help myself."
She continued to blink at him. He wasn't sure if she was thinking about it or if she was appalled by him. Probably the latter. Finally, she said, "If we go all the way, you won't want to be my beau anymore."
Zac furrowed his brow in confusion. "What? Yes, I will. I always will."
"Millie says that boys who want to go all the way before marriage are only after one thing and after they get what they want, they leave and you never see them again."
"Millie?" He smirked. "Isn't she the one who was going all the way with my brother for the past two summers?"
"Are you saying you want to go all the way because your brother got to go all the way?"
This was going in completely the wrong direction. Zac wasn't sure if he knew how to recover. "No," he shook his head. "No, it's not like that for me. Look, we don't have to do anything if you're not ready. I'm not that kind of guy. If you're not ready, I'll wait for you."
Her face fell and her eyes darted around his chest as she thought. "But--if I don't go all the way with you...and...and you still want to...you'll just--you'll just find another girl who will..."
"What?" He asked incredulously. "Bessie, baby, no. That's not true at all. I would never do that to you."
"But that's what all the boys do," she objected meekly.
Zac was growing very frustrated with her ignorance very fast. "How would you even know? Who's been filling your head with this stuff over the years? Millie? Your father?"
"Everybody knows that when a boy wants--"
"I'm not a boy, Bessie. I'm not a high school boy, I'm not a college boy--I'm a man in my late twenties. I know how my body operates and I know how to deal with it. And if you're not ready, that's okay. Trust me, I don't have to go find other women to--to deal with my issues. I only want you. Nobody else."
She was silent for a moment as her eyes stared into his. "Really?"
"Yes," he nodded. "Really."
"Do you promise?"
"I promise. I promise one hundred percent, cross my heart and hope to die. I promise. Okay? Nobody else."
"What if--what if it takes me a year or two to be ready?"
"Then that's how long I'll wait."
"Zac--"
"I promise."
"I think I'm ready," she whispered.
Immediately, Zac's heart pounded and his palms became sweaty. "Already?"
Bessie nodded. "Yes. I just--I needed you to promise that you wouldn't leave me."
"Bessie, baby. I could never leave you. You're my girl. My sweetheart."
Finally, she smiled at him, a smile that never failed to melt his heart. "You're my sweetheart, too," she whispered.
He lowered his head and he kissed her lips gently. "Are you sure you're ready?" He whispered. "Because it's okay if you're not."
She nodded. "I am. I'm ready. Will it--do you think it might hurt?"
He smiled down at her. "It might for a second. But after that you should start to like it. Well, I hope you will, anyway."
"I've never done this before."
"I know."
"Be patient with me."
"Absolutely." He leaned back a little and put his weight on his elbow in the hay. From there, he slowly began to unbutton his shirt. "I'm gonna take off my shirt. If that's okay."
She nodded as she watched his fingers nimbly at work, button by button. "Okay."
And then he watched her start to blush and he smiled. "You've seen me without my shirt before. Why are you being shy?"
Her cheeks only became more red as he peeled his shirt off of his back and discarded it in the hay on the other side of her. "I don't know," she said, meekly. "I just--um..."
"Do you like seeing me without a shirt?" He smiled. "It's okay if you do. You don't have to be afraid to tell me."
She nodded her answer shyly as he took her hand and laid her palm out on his bare chest. "Do you feel that?" He whispered. "My heart beats like that every time I'm with you. It beats so fast, sometimes I think it'll beat right out of my chest. My heart's never beaten like that for anyone else."
He felt her fingers softly curl against his chest underneath his hand. She never took her eyes off of his chest and she bit her lip as if she were thinking. Finally, she looked into his eyes and he could feel her body tremble just slightly underneath him. "Zac," she whispered. "Make love to me."
She didn't have to say anything else. Lowering his body close to hers again, he kissed her lips and let his hand slowly drift down her satin-covered body. She allowed him to gently position her body underneath him the way he needed it--pushing her gown up over her thighs and spreading her legs underneath him. Her face read complete bewilderment and he held himself together as the smoothness of her legs made his senses run wild.
"If you want to take off your nightgown, you can," he whispered to her. "But you don't have to if you don't want to. I only want you to be comfortable."
She nodded and then she slowly took her arms out of the sleeves of her robe, revealing a sleeveless nightgown with a string that tied the small collar together at the neck. He had to admit surprise when she reached for her neck and pulled one of the strings, loosening the tie and opening the collar. The neckline plunged loosely between her breasts and the material lay open just enough so that he could almost see her breasts in their entirety. He knew that what lie beneath her gown was more beautiful than anything he could ever imagine. However, he promised he would be patient and if she wasn't willing to reveal herself tonight, that was okay. The best things in life were worth the wait.
For now, he looked into her eyes as he slid his hand inside the top of her gown and took one of her breasts in his hand. Her breasts were small, just enough to fill his hand, and they were soft and pert and absolutely perfect, just as he knew they would be. He couldn't deny that he'd daydreamed about the way she must look under her clothing more times than he could count. But nothing in his dreams compared to the beauty of his reality.
Massaging her breast gently in his hand, he kissed her lips again and she responded with more fervor now than before. Sliding her hands up his arms and around his neck in such a way that sent chills running violently down his spine, she parted his lips with her tongue and kissed him with want and need. He groaned into her mouth as he began to tease her small nipple between his fingers and she broke their kiss long enough to gasp and let out a satisfied sigh.
After a moment, he pulled his hand from her gown and lowered it to the top of his pants, where he unfastened them and slowly let down the zipper. He watched Bessie's face the entire time, like he did with every new move he made, just to make sure she was okay. She didn't object and he continued by releasing himself and lifting his hips to shove his pants down over them.
Kicking the remainder of his trousers off of his ankles, he reached up and caressed her cheek. "Are you okay?" He asked her.
He'd made her nervous again, he could tell. His complete nudity right there in front of her, under the dim barn light, was turning him on more than he already had been. He wanted to be patient. He wanted to be oh, so patient because he'd promised her. He wanted her to be comfortable. But in the process, it was making him more and more uncomfortable and he ached with need.
Suddenly she asked quietly, "Are you--are you about to--is this it?"
He looked into her eyes, wanting to be amused, and feeling a little guilty at the same time. He'd never taken anyone's virginity before, but being with Bessie felt so natural. "Only if you want it to be," he whispered.
She nodded again, her seemingly preferred method of response tonight, and Zac was okay with that. He tucked his arm underneath her body and held her close to him, lowered his head, and left open-mouthed kisses on her neck. As he did this, he let his free hand drift down below her waist and underneath the satin material that had been pushed high over her thighs. He was surprised, and a bit pleased, with what he felt. Her hair was fine, soft, and seemingly minimal. He didn't have to fight through it to feel her skin and this made him even more eager for her.
Watching her face, he pressed his middle finger firmly into the round button of skin between her legs and rotated it in slow, deliberate circles. At first, shock flashed in her eyes. Then, her jaw slackened and she let out a breath as her entire body relaxed into a limp state underneath him. He watched her chest heave with breath as she closed her eyes and tilted her chin toward the ceiling. Keeping a steady rhythm, he kissed her chin, her jaw, and then gently kissed her neck, letting his tongue run the length of it before he started over again.
Faster than he realized, her body began to tremble underneath him and small whimpers began to escape her throat. Keeping his eyes on her face, he listened to her breath catch as she bit her lip and her legs started to shake. Finally, he pressed into her one last time, with more force than before, and she squeezed her eyes shut and opened her mouth and her voice sounded like something that was a mixture of a gasp and a moan and it came out ragged, but Zac didn't care. It was music to his ears and her release made him happy.
As her pulsating skin slowed to a stop against his finger, he brought his hand from between her legs as she struggled to calm her breathing. He smiled at her as his hand now mindlessly ran softly along her leg and her eyes finally caught his. "How do you feel?" He asked.
Her eyes were wide with wonder as her chest still heaved. "Amazing," she said in awe. "What just happened?"
His grin widened, ever charmed by her innocence. "Looks like you just had your first orgasm."
Her brow furrowed. "My first what?"
"Are you serious?"
"Is that supposed to happen? Was that it? It didn't hurt at all!"
He let out a breath. "What you felt was an orgasm. When you get aroused to a certain point, your body...releases it. Yes, that is supposed to happen, and no, that's not quite it."
Her eyes lit up excitedly. "There's more? Do it again!"
He lowered his head and rested his forehead against hers. "Bessie. Baby. I'm happy you're happy. And I'm happy to do that again for you for as much as you want me to. But I really need to try something a little different. Okay?"
She nodded, her forehead moving underneath his. "Okay." She was a much more willing participant than she was earlier and Zac was glad for it.
"Are you relaxed now? I need you to be relaxed."
She nodded again with excitement. "Yeah," she breathed. "Yeah, I'm relaxed."
And then, without a warning that maybe he should have issued, he eased himself inside her, as slowly as he could possibly handle it.
He watched her face to make sure she was okay. The way she felt was of his utmost importance and he wanted to stop in the moment that she said to stop because he wanted her to trust him. Her face writhed in pain, though he went as painfully slow as he possibly could. He thrust gently, stopped, and then repeated the process, but yet her face still reflected the pain. He decided he didn't quite like taking a girl's virginity and he was glad that this would be the first and last time he ever did it.
Then, as he found himself halfway in, it grew more and more difficult to continue. Bessie's body was trembling underneath him and her eyes were squeezed shut and he caressed her face gently and whispered, "Bessie, baby. I need you to relax for me, okay? I promise, I'm not trying to hurt you. Open your eyes, look at me." Doing as he said, she hesitantly creaked her eyes open and looked at him. He smiled, barely able to keep it together. "That's my girl. Kiss me. Pull my hair. Take it out on me, do whatever you need to do, but your body needs to relax. It'll only hurt for a second. Okay? Can you do that for me?"
She nodded and reached around his neck, grabbing a handful of his hair, and she yanked on it--harder than he would have liked. "Like that? Is that okay?"
He smiled and nodded. "Yeah. You can do that."
With that, he continued his journey inside her, longing to get this part over with. He hated seeing her uncomfortable and, selfishly, he just needed his own release.
After what felt like centuries, he was finally completely inside her and he stayed in place for a moment before he pulled back and started over. By the third stroke or so, Bessie seemed to relax a little more and she released her grip on his hair, now seeming to favor the act of digging her nails into the skin on his shoulders. Slowly but surely, her breathing seemed to pick up and he looked at her face one more time to find that she finally appeared to be enjoying it.
Thank God.
Zac was finally able to pick up a rhythm that suited him and he only grew more excited when Bessie began to sigh in his ear. "Bessie," he whispered, unable to help himself. "Oh, sweet Bessie."
Underneath him, he felt her arch her back as she tightened her arms over his shoulders. She lifted her legs, spreading them wider as she hooked her ankles together high around his waist and he knew he wouldn't last much longer after that.
Suddenly, he felt her body pulse around him on the inside and her teeth tugged at his ear, a groan escaping her throat in a surprising turn of events. He hadn't expected her to get quite so turned on the first time, much less so much the second time and, for this, he was over-the-moon pleased.
He released after she did, burying his face in her neck and taking in the sweet scent of melon and honey from her hair. She always smelled of melon and honey. It was one of the things he loved about her.
When he'd calmed down, Zac lifted his head and was met by her lips, kissing him feverishly. Smiling through her kisses, he asked her, "Are you okay?"
She blinked, her eyelids heavy with pleasure. "I'm wonderful. And so are you."
Now it was his turn to blush as he relaxed himself next to her, helping her pull her nightgown back down, and pulling her into his arms. He let out a breath and he smiled up at the rafters above them. "Wow. I gotta relax for a second."
Shifting her body, she pulled up the free section of the quilt that lay beside her and tossed it carelessly over their bodies. She curled up against Zac and rested her cheek against his chest, tracing random circles into his skin with her finger. "I love you," she breathed.
He smiled and tightened his arm around her shoulders, fighting the nerves that those three words had suddenly produced. "No, you don't. You just had really good sex. It's easy to confuse the two."
Bessie gasped and covered her mouth. "I can't believe you just said that!"
"What? Sex?"
"Shh!"
"It is what it is, Bessie."
"No, it isn't. I prefer to call it making love. That's what we did. Not...not the other thing."
He chuckled and he shook his head. "Call it whatever you want. Either way, it was still good."
"Well. I can agree with that."
They lay there in silence for a moment, each silently reminiscing of the evening's most recent events. Zac sighed, knowing that the inevitable was coming and he was nowhere near ready for it. So he decided to get it over with.
"Bessie, baby?" He whispered. "I gotta go."
"No," she said in a half whine, half pout. "Please stay. You said you wouldn't leave."
"I'm not leaving you, I just--Bessie, you know I can't stay. You can't spend the night in the barn and they can't catch you here with me. Especially not like this. You know I have to go."
She looked up at him, resting her chin on her hand. "It hurts so much when you're not around. It's unbearable sometimes."
"I know," he whispered. "I hurt the same way."
"I hate this."
"Me, too," he said, tucking her hair behind her ear and caressing her cheek with his thumb.
"Tomorrow's Thursday. I hope you haven't forgotten about the picture downtown. I'd still like to go with you, if you still want to go with me."
"You got it, sweet girl," he smiled. "Meet me at the edge of the woods around six o'clock."
"Six? Why so late?"
"I have a few things I have to take care of tomorrow."
That answer seeming to suffice for her, she grinned back at him. "I can't wait."
Someone once said--Shakespeare, Zac remembered--that parting was such sweet sorrow. Except that it wasn't. There was nothing sweet about it. Six o'clock tomorrow evening couldn't come fast enough. One thing was certain, though, as he made sure she was safely up the ladder and back in her window before making his trek home: he may have told her that she felt a false sense of love for him due to their love-making, but the love he felt for her was one hundred percent real.