SUNBURN
Dinner was uncomfortable that evening. Bessie chose to eat in silence as she listened to her mother and father discuss a case he'd been forced to dismiss at work that day. She couldn't concentrate on the who's, how's, what's, when's, and where's. She was so afraid for her father to have found out about her and Zac necking at the river, though she knew there was no way for him to have heard about it by now, she barely even had an appetite. However when the visuals and the memories of being underneath Zac and the way he touched her began to fill her mind, she shoveled the food in her mouth, not out of hunger, but as a desperate attempt to keep herself occupied.
"Goodness, Bessie, you must be starved," her father commented, to her horror. "Did you not have lunch today?"
She nodded, swallowing her food. "Yes, sir. But today was such a busy day--we shopped and then I went swimming with Millie and I suppose I've worked up quite an appetite."
"Shopped, huh? What did you ladies find today?"
Bessie widened her eyes at her mother, horrified. Thankfully, her mother saved the day by answering, "Nothing much, dear. Just a few things for school, that's all."
"Ah," the judge smiled. "I suppose it is about time to start getting things together, isn't it? Are you excited, Bessie?"
As if forcing food down her throat on zero appetite hadn't churned her stomach enough, the reminder of going all the way to Oklahoma City in a couple of short months and leaving Zac behind made her want to vomit. "It, um, it hasn't quite registered yet, I suppose."
"It will," her father smiled. "Once it gets closer to time, you'll be itching to leave the house."
"Well let's not shove her out the door just yet," her mother said, standing up to collect their dishes. "I hope you two saved room for dessert, I baked a rhubarb pie today."
Bessie couldn't handle the thought of any more food. "May I please be excused? I don't think I can eat another bite."
"And skip dessert?" Her father asked, surprised. "Your mother's rhubarb pie could be an award winner if I could ever get her to enter it in the fair."
As her mother blushed and kissed her father's forehead, Bessie was already standing from her seat. "I think I got too much sun today. If it's no trouble, I'd like to take a bath and get into bed."
"Run along, Bessie," her mother smiled. "Your father will just have to settle for having his dessert with little old me."
*******************
Bessie had barely made it out of the bath when her father knocked on her bedroom door. "Bessie. Can I come in?"
"In just a second!" She called. Scrambling to make herself decent, she grabbed at the first article of clothing she could find, a day dress, and threw it over her head, then curled herself up on the bed with Scout. "You can come in," she finally said.
She tried desperately to read his face as he walked into the room. Her father rarely ever came to her room unless it was important and she wasn't sure if she was about to dread this conversation or not. He sat on he edge of her bed and turned his body around to face her, reaching out to scratch Scout behind the ear. "We haven't talked in awhile," he said to her. "Not like we used to."
"I know," she agreed.
"I miss our talks."
"Me, too."
"We used to talk about everything. The moon, the weather...how to catch the big fish or what's in those delicious oatmeal cookies you like to bake. But we haven't done that in awhile."
"That's because back then you cared about what I had to say."
"I've always cared about what you had to say."
"Yeah? Then what changed?"
"I feel like you hate me now. You're constantly against me, always fighting me--we used to be so close."
"Daddy, it's been almost a year and you still have yet to recognize my age. I'm not a little girl anymore. I can make my own decisions. I can go and do--"
"I just got off the telephone with Chris Smith, Bessie. From work."
Bessie's heart pounded. She knew this was going to happen, she just knew it. But what else could she do? "I figured you might," she muttered.
"He says that he and Gary found you by the river with Zac. In a very...compromising position."
"What I do is none of either of their business," she huffed.
"You told me at dinner that you were at the river with Millie. Bessie, it's getting to the point now where I don't feel like I can trust you so much anymore. Do you know how badly I want to be able to trust you? How much that breaks my heart to think that I can't?"
"Daddy, I was at the river with Millie!" She finally spat out. "I was telling you the truth. Taylor and Zac just happened to show up, we didn't know they were going to be there. Millie came over and wanted to make up after a fight we had and she suggested going for a swim, just like we always do. So we did. Everything else beyond that just happened by chance."
"Well, that may be so. But do you think I wanted to come home after a hard day only to get a telephone call like...like that one? One that tells me that not only are you seeing that boy against my wishes, but you're out doing...God knows what kinds of sinful, improper things with him in public?"
"We weren't in public until those guys came along," Bessie retorted.
"You are completely missing the point--"
"Did you send them to spy on me, Daddy? Is that what happened? I bet you have guys all over the place spying on me and reporting back to you. I bet you even have one who stays up in our special tree--"
"What special tree?"
"It's special to us, it's none of your business."
"Bessie, you still live under my roof. And my roof, my rules..."
"Your rules aren't fair! What if I was...twenty-four and living here? Would I still have to ask permission to go anywhere or see anyone and have that ridiculous eight o'clock curfew? Daddy, I'm not a child anymore."
"Well, you certainly haven't bothered asking my permission for anything lately, have you? Seems to me like the reason you feel like you're being treated like a child is because you're acting like one on your own accord, not because anyone feels like you are one."
Bessie gaped at her father in shock, her filter seeming less and less existent and her fear of him dwindling with every word he said. "That is rude and completely untrue!"
The judge sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Bessie, I realize that you're not a child anymore. I do. But it's still not going to stop me from wanting what's best for you."
"Yeah, but--what if I know what's best for me now?"
"All right. I'll entertain that thought for a minute. What's best for you, Bess? Zac? Is that where this is going?"
"It's about my freedom to love him," she said quietly Her heart pounded. She had never said anything like that out loud before. Was it like that? Had it gotten to that point, so soon, already?
"Love?" Her father repeated. "Do--do you love him?"
"I--I'm not sure," she admitted. "I know that my feelings for him are strong. Stronger than any feelings I've ever felt before..."
"Well, your first crush is always the strongest, dear."
"It feels like more than a crush, though. Like, right this very second my heart actually hurts because I'm not with him. Daddy, I just--I just want to be free."
Her father looked at her in silence for a moment before he replied. "Bessie, let's--let me paint the big picture here. Let's say, just for conversation's sake, that you are in love with him. Okay? What kind of future do you think you would have with him?"
"Um...I haven't really thought about it..."
"What if he asked me to marry you? There's no way I could give him my blessing. Do you understand? What's he going to do for work? How will he support you and any babies you might have? Where would you live? In a travel trailer with his brothers?"
"Well, I--I don't know..." Great. Just great of her father to spring these things on her like this. She knew that not having answers to these questions for him would only fuel his fire and his disdain for her relationship.
"Now, how do you think that makes me feel, knowing that you don't know the answers to any of these questions? To know that my little girl could potentially make a decision that would ruin her life? Nobody wants to live like they do. And I wouldn't want you to, either."
"Daddy, I think--I feel--like...like I could be happy with him regardless of the way we live. I think happiness is more important than money. And I should know--I've lived with both."
"For now. What happens when you leave for school? You'll only come home for the summer. You'll see him next to never. You're about to embark on a journey into a world full of opportunities and people--you'll move on, he'll move on...so why pursue this so hard right now? Why set yourself up like that?"
"I--I--well, it's not like that. He'll wait for me. And I'll wait for him, too."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes."
"Four years is a long time, Bessie."
"Daddy--I do miss our talks. And I appreciate that you're trying to get me to see things your way, but--when it comes to Zac, I think we're just gonna have to agree to disagree."
"Well, I don't think that. I think that out of respect for me, as your father, that you just not see Zac anymore. Not while you're still under my roof."
Bessie's heart pounded, though not with fear, but with anger. Complete rage and anger soared through her veins and she fought a hard battle to keep it contained within herself. Keeping calm, she replied to him, "I do respect you. But you don't respect me. And I'm sorry, but you can't keep me from seeing Zac. Because I think I do love him. And there's nothing you can do that will change that. I'll be nineteen soon. It's time for me to make my own decisions from now on. And if you don't like it, I'm sure Zac can find room for me at the gypsy camp."
The judge's eyes darkened and his face began to turn red, but Bessie didn't care anymore. Let him yell, let him scream, let him explode. This was one battle he was not going to win.
"If you leave this house and you run off with him, consider your college education a wash. I won't pay your tuition since you're so confident that you can do it all on your own. Your trust, your inheritance, all of it. Gone. If you leave here, you'll leave with nothing."
"But I'll be happy," she replied quietly. "And I'll be free. You can't take that away from me."
The judge stood from the bed and he wiped his brow, resting his hand on his hip. "I've had about enough of all this talk about 'being free.' You haven't had a hard life growing up. You've never wanted or needed for anything, you've always had the best of the best of everything. Don't you dare walk around here acting like you're some poor, little prisoner--"
"Your money kept me prisoner, Daddy. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you've done for me, growing up. It's that you don't know when it's time to stop."
The judge stared at his daughter for a moment longer, his eyes wide, his voice silent. She'd stricken him dumbfounded and she was glad for it. Seconds later, he was out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
It was then that Bessie burst into sobs.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Taylor ended up getting his wish, after all. To make the night even better, Isaac stayed home, as well. Judith was there, but nobody seemed to mind. She was becoming a permanent staple around the camp lately and her presence was more or less benign.
After Bessie and Millie had left the river, Zac and Taylor had dressed and taken their fishing poles to the section of the river bank that they had intended in the first place. Zac was still a little mopey and aggravated that his time with Bessie had been cut short because of those two goons who had shown up and he was even more frustrated with himself for allowing himself to put her in the position that had ultimately made her uncomfortable to begin with. He could blame her leaving on her father's coworkers all he wanted but deep down, he knew it was because he'd gone too far with her too quickly. He knew he'd spooked her.
His spirits lifted a little when the fish seemed to be biting like mad that afternoon. Taylor had gotten excited quickly, remarking after his third catch, "Boy, nobody must be coming out here lately, these guys are starving!"
His brother's glee was infectious and soon it had turned into a competition of who could catch the most fish, temporarily relieving his inner tension over Bessie. He'd welcomed the distraction and, soon, they were each hauling a string full of fish back to the camp. It was an extraordinary haul and it wasn't long before the fish were cleaned, gutted, and frying over various fires over the camp.
After a few hours, bellies were full, liquid spirits ran smooth through their veins, and dancing commenced to music made by various gypsies on string and wooden instruments, accompanied by Isaac on his guitar. The truth was, Zac wished Bessie was there, but the good time was putting a damper on his heartache, if only for a little while.
However, as late as it had become, Zac was shocked to see Bessie flying into the camp's clearing on her bicycle, seemingly crashing the party. How she was able to even see anything ahead of her in the black of the night was beyond him, but he saw the glistening of her cheeks against the fire light as she dismounted her bicycle and dropped it where it stood and that was all he needed to see. His heart broke instantly. Something was wrong.
She ran to him. She had only stopped her bicycle a few steps away, but she ran anyway. Upon impact, she threw her arms around his neck and she sniffed loudly in his ear. He held her for a moment, but when she continued to stay silent, he finally had to know what was going on. "Bessie?" He said as he pulled away from her and moved her hair from her tear-streaked face. "Bessie, baby, what happened? What's going on?"
"Daddy," she sniffed, hardly able to breathe enough to get it out. "Daddy wants me to stop seeing you."
"Well...well, sweetheart, that's not exactly a secret..."
She shook her head. "Mm-mm. He means it this time. He doesn't understand, he doesn't get it. He says I'm being disrespectful by still seeing you because I still live in his house. It doesn't make a difference to him whether I'm an adult or not, he still says it's his rules or nothing."
Zac's heart pounded all of a sudden. Was this it? Was this the end? Did she show up to break up with him? Did her father actually get his way?
"He doesn't understand that you make me happy, Zac," she continued. "He doesn't understand. He's so focused on the future and money and--and I don't care about any of that! I just want to be with you, I don't care how we do it or how we live or--"
"Bessie--"
"So I stood up to him. I told him that I was old enough to make my own decisions and if he didn't like it, then I would just leave--"
"Oh, Bessie...did you--did you run away?"
"I want to," she said, looking up at him with desperate eyes. "I want to leave. I can't take it there anymore. I want to be with you, for always. He says if I leave, he'll cut off my inheritance and he won't pay for my school, but, Zac, I don't even care! I don't care about any of those things, I only care about you--"
"Bessie," he said gently, pulling away from her so he could get a better look at her face. He swallowed hard. "You have to go to school. You just have to."
"No," she shook her head in objection. "And only come home during the summer and never see you in between? No. No, I can't do it. I need you, Zac. I need you every single day, I can't bear to be away from you. Let me--let me live here. With you. I want to live here, I want to leave home and I want to come here--"
"Sweetheart, I can't--I can't let you run away from home--"
"Yes, you can! You can! All you have to do is say yes and I'm all yours. Forever, Zac, that is what I want. That's my dream. You are my dream. Please."
Zac's heart grew heavy to the point of tears. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want his emotions to overwhelm him, especially not with his brothers and the other gypsies within earshot. He wanted to say yes so bad he couldn't stand it. He wanted to take her in his arms and never watch her leave ever again, but--it just wasn't practical. It wasn't logical. It wasn't what she deserved.
"Come on, Bessie," he said softly. "You don't want my life."
"Yes, I do."
"No. You don't," he replied, more firmly this time. It pained him to deny her, it angered him that he had to, and he hated himself now for the life that he led. For her sake, he had to be strong because he knew what was best for her. For the first time ever, he agreed with her father. His stomach churned at the notion. "This is no place for a girl like you. You should go home to your big house and your four-poster bed and your daddy's money. That's where you belong."
"But, I don't," her voice squeaked out. "I don't belong there, I belong here. With you."
"It's hard out here. Being free isn't easy--"
"I can contribute," she offered. Then she looked around at her surroundings. "I could...um...I could--I could do like those gypsy ladies do and dance--"
"Absolutely not," he retorted, his voice stern with authority. "You are not leaving your comfortable lifestyle to come here and degrade yourself for pennies. I won't allow it."
"But, Zac, I want to stay."
"Baby, I want you to stay. I do. I want that more than anything, but--but I have nothing to offer you--"
"Then give me your heart," she pleaded, her voice shaking. "Just that, it's all I need."
"My--my heart? Bessie," he whispered. "You already have my heart. You've had it all along."
She stared up at him, fresh tears welling up in her eyes and she sniffed them away. Her voice came out small, wavering, barely audible. "All I want is to be with you. No matter the cost. We can survive. We can do it together. And we'll--we'll learn and we'll grow together and one of these days we can build a house and start a family and our lives will be perfect. Together, you and me. Being together is all that matters."
Zac swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and he looked up to the sky as if to let his tears drain back into his head. He was growing weaker and weaker with every word she spoke. He wanted so badly to have the future with her that she envisioned. He wanted to marry her and he wanted to father her children and he wanted to take care of her for the rest of his life, but the reality was, it just wasn't written in the plans for him. The country was in the middle of a depression. There was no work to be found. He had no college education. No skills. And he was lucky when one of the wealthy needed to be entertained. His future was so bleak, he just couldn't allow hers to be as bleak as his was.
"Bessie, I--I don't know what to say--"
"Don't you want to spend forever with me?" She asked, her voice small and full of doubt.
"I--I--um--you're--you're the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up every morning. I live for the next time I get to see you again. Bessie, I do want to spend forever with you. I do. But I can't let you ruin your life like this. You have so much ahead of you, so much going for you. I can't provide for you, sweetheart. You have to go to school, you have to get an education--"
Bessie backed away from him all of a sudden, her eyes widening in horror. "Then what is this?" She whispered. "What are we doing? What is all of this, is this just--just you passing the time for the summer? As soon as I'm gone, you're going to forget all about me? Is that it? I thought--I thought this was serious for you because--because it is for me. I just--you say you want to spend all this time with me, that you want to spend forever with me, but why don't you want me anymore?"
"Bessie!" He replied in shock. "Bessie, I do want you. I've never wanted anyone or anything so much in my entire life. Baby, I can't breathe without you--"
"I don't believe you," her voice cracked. Then the tears came back and she covered her mouth. "It's just words. All of it. If you really felt that way about me, you wouldn't send me away."
"I can't let you stay here because I care that much about you. You have to understand--"
"You agree with my father--"
"You need to go to school."
"And then what happens when I go to school? What happens then? We won't see each other. You'll forget all about me--"
"I don't understand why you don't believe me--"
"You're trying to get rid of me. You want me to go to school to get me out of your hair--"
"Bessie, are you--are you hearing yourself?"
"WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO TEACH ME IN SCHOOL, ZAC? HUH? I'M A WOMAN IN THE GODDAMNED 1930'S, DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY'RE GOING TO TEACH ME MORE THAN HOW TO KEEP UP A HOME? DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY'RE GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO TEACH ART OR EVEN LET ME ENROLL IN ANY ART CLASSES? DO YOU?"
Zac was taken aback by her sudden anger and the entire camp had grown deathly quiet around them. "Well...um...I mean, why would you go if you didn't know what they were offering?"
"I want to teach art. That's what I wanted to go for. But the reality is, all they're really going to do is teach me to read books to children. I can already do that! What they can't do for me is bring you to me. You're all I want, Zac. I don't want anything else. Why can't you understand that?"
"Bessie. I can not allow you to live here on this camp. I just can't do it. I want to be with you always, but I can't let you live here. I just can't."
She stared at him for a moment as she wiped a tear from her own eye. Then she whispered, "How can we be together always if you won't let me live with you?"
"Because you deserve more than this, baby. You deserve so much more than this--"
"I can't believe this. This was all just--it meant nothing to you. You never intended forever with me at all--"
"That's not true."
"I shouldn't have come here."
"Baby, don't leave me. Please."
"I have to go, Zac. You're the one pushing me away."
The tears finally came and Zac didn't care who saw him. He sniffed them back and wiped his face as he watched her hastily pick her bicycle up off the hard ground. "Bessie, stay and we'll talk about this--"
"We've done enough talking. You don't want me, Zac. I think you only want the idea. You don't want me to stay, you don't want to spend forever with me, and every word out of your mouth is lip service."
"I just want what's best for you--"
"Yeah? You and my father, both. And the funny thing is, neither one of you seem to know a damn thing about what is best for me. What about what I want, Zac? What about me? Does anyone not care what I think and what I feel? Everyone wants to write it off like...like nothing I think or feel is real, like...like I'm some silly little child. You, of all people...you've made me feel so...important, so..."
"Because you are."
"I'm not. Nobody will ever take me seriously. Not ever. I'm going home now. And I won't ever come back here. I wouldn't dare trouble you like that."
"Bessie, no. Please don't leave me, tell me this isn't the end. I need you, baby, please!"
"I don't know!" She cried as she mounted her bicycle and rode off into the night.
"Bessie," he called, weakly, one more time.
What had just happened here? How did she not--how did she not get it? How did she not understand? Did he not express how much he cared about her enough? It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was never supposed to be this way. She wasn't supposed to express her feelings for him and then turn around and threaten to never come back. What happened? Zac was completely dumbfounded.
Suddenly, he felt a hard slap on the back of his head as Taylor walked around in front of him. "You fucking idiot, why did you let her leave?"
"She didn't give me much choice," Zac spat.
"Zac! Did you--did you not understand what just happened here?"
"Yes. She's delusional. She's finally grown into crazy, adult womanhood and she's letting her emotions do all the talking--"
"She just told you she was willing to drop her entire life just for you and you let her fucking get away! Zac. She cares for you. How many women can you say have actually ever given two shits about you in your entire life? I can count them with one finger--Ma. Just her. And she's gone. But now you have Bessie and she worships the godforsaken ground you walk upon and you just had the audacity to reject her! Are you seriously that stupid? She's a good woman. Fucking go after her, don't let her go!"
Zac's eyes darted around in thought as the realization hit him. Taylor was right. What the hell had he just allowed to happen? "Shit, Tay...what if I really screwed up this time? What if I've lost her? I mean--I mean, you understand why she can't live here, right?"
"She can live here all she wants, I don't give a shit. I'll clear out my own bed just for her if she needs a place to crash. I just know that you're miserable without her and she just stood there and poured her heart and soul out to you and you shot her down. If you let her get away, you're the biggest moron on the planet and you deserve to be miserable."
"Shit," Zac hissed again. "Shit! Tay, I can't lose her. I gotta go--"
"Why the hell are you still here? Get gone, already!"
And with that, Zac took off through the woods. Bessie was light years ahead of him, but he didn't care. He knew these woods like the back of his hand and, darkness or not, he could have run the trails with his eyes closed. With this in mind, he tore through the woods at full speed toward her house, praying all the while that he wasn't too late.
Dinner was uncomfortable that evening. Bessie chose to eat in silence as she listened to her mother and father discuss a case he'd been forced to dismiss at work that day. She couldn't concentrate on the who's, how's, what's, when's, and where's. She was so afraid for her father to have found out about her and Zac necking at the river, though she knew there was no way for him to have heard about it by now, she barely even had an appetite. However when the visuals and the memories of being underneath Zac and the way he touched her began to fill her mind, she shoveled the food in her mouth, not out of hunger, but as a desperate attempt to keep herself occupied.
"Goodness, Bessie, you must be starved," her father commented, to her horror. "Did you not have lunch today?"
She nodded, swallowing her food. "Yes, sir. But today was such a busy day--we shopped and then I went swimming with Millie and I suppose I've worked up quite an appetite."
"Shopped, huh? What did you ladies find today?"
Bessie widened her eyes at her mother, horrified. Thankfully, her mother saved the day by answering, "Nothing much, dear. Just a few things for school, that's all."
"Ah," the judge smiled. "I suppose it is about time to start getting things together, isn't it? Are you excited, Bessie?"
As if forcing food down her throat on zero appetite hadn't churned her stomach enough, the reminder of going all the way to Oklahoma City in a couple of short months and leaving Zac behind made her want to vomit. "It, um, it hasn't quite registered yet, I suppose."
"It will," her father smiled. "Once it gets closer to time, you'll be itching to leave the house."
"Well let's not shove her out the door just yet," her mother said, standing up to collect their dishes. "I hope you two saved room for dessert, I baked a rhubarb pie today."
Bessie couldn't handle the thought of any more food. "May I please be excused? I don't think I can eat another bite."
"And skip dessert?" Her father asked, surprised. "Your mother's rhubarb pie could be an award winner if I could ever get her to enter it in the fair."
As her mother blushed and kissed her father's forehead, Bessie was already standing from her seat. "I think I got too much sun today. If it's no trouble, I'd like to take a bath and get into bed."
"Run along, Bessie," her mother smiled. "Your father will just have to settle for having his dessert with little old me."
*******************
Bessie had barely made it out of the bath when her father knocked on her bedroom door. "Bessie. Can I come in?"
"In just a second!" She called. Scrambling to make herself decent, she grabbed at the first article of clothing she could find, a day dress, and threw it over her head, then curled herself up on the bed with Scout. "You can come in," she finally said.
She tried desperately to read his face as he walked into the room. Her father rarely ever came to her room unless it was important and she wasn't sure if she was about to dread this conversation or not. He sat on he edge of her bed and turned his body around to face her, reaching out to scratch Scout behind the ear. "We haven't talked in awhile," he said to her. "Not like we used to."
"I know," she agreed.
"I miss our talks."
"Me, too."
"We used to talk about everything. The moon, the weather...how to catch the big fish or what's in those delicious oatmeal cookies you like to bake. But we haven't done that in awhile."
"That's because back then you cared about what I had to say."
"I've always cared about what you had to say."
"Yeah? Then what changed?"
"I feel like you hate me now. You're constantly against me, always fighting me--we used to be so close."
"Daddy, it's been almost a year and you still have yet to recognize my age. I'm not a little girl anymore. I can make my own decisions. I can go and do--"
"I just got off the telephone with Chris Smith, Bessie. From work."
Bessie's heart pounded. She knew this was going to happen, she just knew it. But what else could she do? "I figured you might," she muttered.
"He says that he and Gary found you by the river with Zac. In a very...compromising position."
"What I do is none of either of their business," she huffed.
"You told me at dinner that you were at the river with Millie. Bessie, it's getting to the point now where I don't feel like I can trust you so much anymore. Do you know how badly I want to be able to trust you? How much that breaks my heart to think that I can't?"
"Daddy, I was at the river with Millie!" She finally spat out. "I was telling you the truth. Taylor and Zac just happened to show up, we didn't know they were going to be there. Millie came over and wanted to make up after a fight we had and she suggested going for a swim, just like we always do. So we did. Everything else beyond that just happened by chance."
"Well, that may be so. But do you think I wanted to come home after a hard day only to get a telephone call like...like that one? One that tells me that not only are you seeing that boy against my wishes, but you're out doing...God knows what kinds of sinful, improper things with him in public?"
"We weren't in public until those guys came along," Bessie retorted.
"You are completely missing the point--"
"Did you send them to spy on me, Daddy? Is that what happened? I bet you have guys all over the place spying on me and reporting back to you. I bet you even have one who stays up in our special tree--"
"What special tree?"
"It's special to us, it's none of your business."
"Bessie, you still live under my roof. And my roof, my rules..."
"Your rules aren't fair! What if I was...twenty-four and living here? Would I still have to ask permission to go anywhere or see anyone and have that ridiculous eight o'clock curfew? Daddy, I'm not a child anymore."
"Well, you certainly haven't bothered asking my permission for anything lately, have you? Seems to me like the reason you feel like you're being treated like a child is because you're acting like one on your own accord, not because anyone feels like you are one."
Bessie gaped at her father in shock, her filter seeming less and less existent and her fear of him dwindling with every word he said. "That is rude and completely untrue!"
The judge sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Bessie, I realize that you're not a child anymore. I do. But it's still not going to stop me from wanting what's best for you."
"Yeah, but--what if I know what's best for me now?"
"All right. I'll entertain that thought for a minute. What's best for you, Bess? Zac? Is that where this is going?"
"It's about my freedom to love him," she said quietly Her heart pounded. She had never said anything like that out loud before. Was it like that? Had it gotten to that point, so soon, already?
"Love?" Her father repeated. "Do--do you love him?"
"I--I'm not sure," she admitted. "I know that my feelings for him are strong. Stronger than any feelings I've ever felt before..."
"Well, your first crush is always the strongest, dear."
"It feels like more than a crush, though. Like, right this very second my heart actually hurts because I'm not with him. Daddy, I just--I just want to be free."
Her father looked at her in silence for a moment before he replied. "Bessie, let's--let me paint the big picture here. Let's say, just for conversation's sake, that you are in love with him. Okay? What kind of future do you think you would have with him?"
"Um...I haven't really thought about it..."
"What if he asked me to marry you? There's no way I could give him my blessing. Do you understand? What's he going to do for work? How will he support you and any babies you might have? Where would you live? In a travel trailer with his brothers?"
"Well, I--I don't know..." Great. Just great of her father to spring these things on her like this. She knew that not having answers to these questions for him would only fuel his fire and his disdain for her relationship.
"Now, how do you think that makes me feel, knowing that you don't know the answers to any of these questions? To know that my little girl could potentially make a decision that would ruin her life? Nobody wants to live like they do. And I wouldn't want you to, either."
"Daddy, I think--I feel--like...like I could be happy with him regardless of the way we live. I think happiness is more important than money. And I should know--I've lived with both."
"For now. What happens when you leave for school? You'll only come home for the summer. You'll see him next to never. You're about to embark on a journey into a world full of opportunities and people--you'll move on, he'll move on...so why pursue this so hard right now? Why set yourself up like that?"
"I--I--well, it's not like that. He'll wait for me. And I'll wait for him, too."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes."
"Four years is a long time, Bessie."
"Daddy--I do miss our talks. And I appreciate that you're trying to get me to see things your way, but--when it comes to Zac, I think we're just gonna have to agree to disagree."
"Well, I don't think that. I think that out of respect for me, as your father, that you just not see Zac anymore. Not while you're still under my roof."
Bessie's heart pounded, though not with fear, but with anger. Complete rage and anger soared through her veins and she fought a hard battle to keep it contained within herself. Keeping calm, she replied to him, "I do respect you. But you don't respect me. And I'm sorry, but you can't keep me from seeing Zac. Because I think I do love him. And there's nothing you can do that will change that. I'll be nineteen soon. It's time for me to make my own decisions from now on. And if you don't like it, I'm sure Zac can find room for me at the gypsy camp."
The judge's eyes darkened and his face began to turn red, but Bessie didn't care anymore. Let him yell, let him scream, let him explode. This was one battle he was not going to win.
"If you leave this house and you run off with him, consider your college education a wash. I won't pay your tuition since you're so confident that you can do it all on your own. Your trust, your inheritance, all of it. Gone. If you leave here, you'll leave with nothing."
"But I'll be happy," she replied quietly. "And I'll be free. You can't take that away from me."
The judge stood from the bed and he wiped his brow, resting his hand on his hip. "I've had about enough of all this talk about 'being free.' You haven't had a hard life growing up. You've never wanted or needed for anything, you've always had the best of the best of everything. Don't you dare walk around here acting like you're some poor, little prisoner--"
"Your money kept me prisoner, Daddy. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you've done for me, growing up. It's that you don't know when it's time to stop."
The judge stared at his daughter for a moment longer, his eyes wide, his voice silent. She'd stricken him dumbfounded and she was glad for it. Seconds later, he was out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
It was then that Bessie burst into sobs.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Taylor ended up getting his wish, after all. To make the night even better, Isaac stayed home, as well. Judith was there, but nobody seemed to mind. She was becoming a permanent staple around the camp lately and her presence was more or less benign.
After Bessie and Millie had left the river, Zac and Taylor had dressed and taken their fishing poles to the section of the river bank that they had intended in the first place. Zac was still a little mopey and aggravated that his time with Bessie had been cut short because of those two goons who had shown up and he was even more frustrated with himself for allowing himself to put her in the position that had ultimately made her uncomfortable to begin with. He could blame her leaving on her father's coworkers all he wanted but deep down, he knew it was because he'd gone too far with her too quickly. He knew he'd spooked her.
His spirits lifted a little when the fish seemed to be biting like mad that afternoon. Taylor had gotten excited quickly, remarking after his third catch, "Boy, nobody must be coming out here lately, these guys are starving!"
His brother's glee was infectious and soon it had turned into a competition of who could catch the most fish, temporarily relieving his inner tension over Bessie. He'd welcomed the distraction and, soon, they were each hauling a string full of fish back to the camp. It was an extraordinary haul and it wasn't long before the fish were cleaned, gutted, and frying over various fires over the camp.
After a few hours, bellies were full, liquid spirits ran smooth through their veins, and dancing commenced to music made by various gypsies on string and wooden instruments, accompanied by Isaac on his guitar. The truth was, Zac wished Bessie was there, but the good time was putting a damper on his heartache, if only for a little while.
However, as late as it had become, Zac was shocked to see Bessie flying into the camp's clearing on her bicycle, seemingly crashing the party. How she was able to even see anything ahead of her in the black of the night was beyond him, but he saw the glistening of her cheeks against the fire light as she dismounted her bicycle and dropped it where it stood and that was all he needed to see. His heart broke instantly. Something was wrong.
She ran to him. She had only stopped her bicycle a few steps away, but she ran anyway. Upon impact, she threw her arms around his neck and she sniffed loudly in his ear. He held her for a moment, but when she continued to stay silent, he finally had to know what was going on. "Bessie?" He said as he pulled away from her and moved her hair from her tear-streaked face. "Bessie, baby, what happened? What's going on?"
"Daddy," she sniffed, hardly able to breathe enough to get it out. "Daddy wants me to stop seeing you."
"Well...well, sweetheart, that's not exactly a secret..."
She shook her head. "Mm-mm. He means it this time. He doesn't understand, he doesn't get it. He says I'm being disrespectful by still seeing you because I still live in his house. It doesn't make a difference to him whether I'm an adult or not, he still says it's his rules or nothing."
Zac's heart pounded all of a sudden. Was this it? Was this the end? Did she show up to break up with him? Did her father actually get his way?
"He doesn't understand that you make me happy, Zac," she continued. "He doesn't understand. He's so focused on the future and money and--and I don't care about any of that! I just want to be with you, I don't care how we do it or how we live or--"
"Bessie--"
"So I stood up to him. I told him that I was old enough to make my own decisions and if he didn't like it, then I would just leave--"
"Oh, Bessie...did you--did you run away?"
"I want to," she said, looking up at him with desperate eyes. "I want to leave. I can't take it there anymore. I want to be with you, for always. He says if I leave, he'll cut off my inheritance and he won't pay for my school, but, Zac, I don't even care! I don't care about any of those things, I only care about you--"
"Bessie," he said gently, pulling away from her so he could get a better look at her face. He swallowed hard. "You have to go to school. You just have to."
"No," she shook her head in objection. "And only come home during the summer and never see you in between? No. No, I can't do it. I need you, Zac. I need you every single day, I can't bear to be away from you. Let me--let me live here. With you. I want to live here, I want to leave home and I want to come here--"
"Sweetheart, I can't--I can't let you run away from home--"
"Yes, you can! You can! All you have to do is say yes and I'm all yours. Forever, Zac, that is what I want. That's my dream. You are my dream. Please."
Zac's heart grew heavy to the point of tears. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want his emotions to overwhelm him, especially not with his brothers and the other gypsies within earshot. He wanted to say yes so bad he couldn't stand it. He wanted to take her in his arms and never watch her leave ever again, but--it just wasn't practical. It wasn't logical. It wasn't what she deserved.
"Come on, Bessie," he said softly. "You don't want my life."
"Yes, I do."
"No. You don't," he replied, more firmly this time. It pained him to deny her, it angered him that he had to, and he hated himself now for the life that he led. For her sake, he had to be strong because he knew what was best for her. For the first time ever, he agreed with her father. His stomach churned at the notion. "This is no place for a girl like you. You should go home to your big house and your four-poster bed and your daddy's money. That's where you belong."
"But, I don't," her voice squeaked out. "I don't belong there, I belong here. With you."
"It's hard out here. Being free isn't easy--"
"I can contribute," she offered. Then she looked around at her surroundings. "I could...um...I could--I could do like those gypsy ladies do and dance--"
"Absolutely not," he retorted, his voice stern with authority. "You are not leaving your comfortable lifestyle to come here and degrade yourself for pennies. I won't allow it."
"But, Zac, I want to stay."
"Baby, I want you to stay. I do. I want that more than anything, but--but I have nothing to offer you--"
"Then give me your heart," she pleaded, her voice shaking. "Just that, it's all I need."
"My--my heart? Bessie," he whispered. "You already have my heart. You've had it all along."
She stared up at him, fresh tears welling up in her eyes and she sniffed them away. Her voice came out small, wavering, barely audible. "All I want is to be with you. No matter the cost. We can survive. We can do it together. And we'll--we'll learn and we'll grow together and one of these days we can build a house and start a family and our lives will be perfect. Together, you and me. Being together is all that matters."
Zac swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and he looked up to the sky as if to let his tears drain back into his head. He was growing weaker and weaker with every word she spoke. He wanted so badly to have the future with her that she envisioned. He wanted to marry her and he wanted to father her children and he wanted to take care of her for the rest of his life, but the reality was, it just wasn't written in the plans for him. The country was in the middle of a depression. There was no work to be found. He had no college education. No skills. And he was lucky when one of the wealthy needed to be entertained. His future was so bleak, he just couldn't allow hers to be as bleak as his was.
"Bessie, I--I don't know what to say--"
"Don't you want to spend forever with me?" She asked, her voice small and full of doubt.
"I--I--um--you're--you're the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up every morning. I live for the next time I get to see you again. Bessie, I do want to spend forever with you. I do. But I can't let you ruin your life like this. You have so much ahead of you, so much going for you. I can't provide for you, sweetheart. You have to go to school, you have to get an education--"
Bessie backed away from him all of a sudden, her eyes widening in horror. "Then what is this?" She whispered. "What are we doing? What is all of this, is this just--just you passing the time for the summer? As soon as I'm gone, you're going to forget all about me? Is that it? I thought--I thought this was serious for you because--because it is for me. I just--you say you want to spend all this time with me, that you want to spend forever with me, but why don't you want me anymore?"
"Bessie!" He replied in shock. "Bessie, I do want you. I've never wanted anyone or anything so much in my entire life. Baby, I can't breathe without you--"
"I don't believe you," her voice cracked. Then the tears came back and she covered her mouth. "It's just words. All of it. If you really felt that way about me, you wouldn't send me away."
"I can't let you stay here because I care that much about you. You have to understand--"
"You agree with my father--"
"You need to go to school."
"And then what happens when I go to school? What happens then? We won't see each other. You'll forget all about me--"
"I don't understand why you don't believe me--"
"You're trying to get rid of me. You want me to go to school to get me out of your hair--"
"Bessie, are you--are you hearing yourself?"
"WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO TEACH ME IN SCHOOL, ZAC? HUH? I'M A WOMAN IN THE GODDAMNED 1930'S, DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY'RE GOING TO TEACH ME MORE THAN HOW TO KEEP UP A HOME? DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY'RE GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO TEACH ART OR EVEN LET ME ENROLL IN ANY ART CLASSES? DO YOU?"
Zac was taken aback by her sudden anger and the entire camp had grown deathly quiet around them. "Well...um...I mean, why would you go if you didn't know what they were offering?"
"I want to teach art. That's what I wanted to go for. But the reality is, all they're really going to do is teach me to read books to children. I can already do that! What they can't do for me is bring you to me. You're all I want, Zac. I don't want anything else. Why can't you understand that?"
"Bessie. I can not allow you to live here on this camp. I just can't do it. I want to be with you always, but I can't let you live here. I just can't."
She stared at him for a moment as she wiped a tear from her own eye. Then she whispered, "How can we be together always if you won't let me live with you?"
"Because you deserve more than this, baby. You deserve so much more than this--"
"I can't believe this. This was all just--it meant nothing to you. You never intended forever with me at all--"
"That's not true."
"I shouldn't have come here."
"Baby, don't leave me. Please."
"I have to go, Zac. You're the one pushing me away."
The tears finally came and Zac didn't care who saw him. He sniffed them back and wiped his face as he watched her hastily pick her bicycle up off the hard ground. "Bessie, stay and we'll talk about this--"
"We've done enough talking. You don't want me, Zac. I think you only want the idea. You don't want me to stay, you don't want to spend forever with me, and every word out of your mouth is lip service."
"I just want what's best for you--"
"Yeah? You and my father, both. And the funny thing is, neither one of you seem to know a damn thing about what is best for me. What about what I want, Zac? What about me? Does anyone not care what I think and what I feel? Everyone wants to write it off like...like nothing I think or feel is real, like...like I'm some silly little child. You, of all people...you've made me feel so...important, so..."
"Because you are."
"I'm not. Nobody will ever take me seriously. Not ever. I'm going home now. And I won't ever come back here. I wouldn't dare trouble you like that."
"Bessie, no. Please don't leave me, tell me this isn't the end. I need you, baby, please!"
"I don't know!" She cried as she mounted her bicycle and rode off into the night.
"Bessie," he called, weakly, one more time.
What had just happened here? How did she not--how did she not get it? How did she not understand? Did he not express how much he cared about her enough? It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was never supposed to be this way. She wasn't supposed to express her feelings for him and then turn around and threaten to never come back. What happened? Zac was completely dumbfounded.
Suddenly, he felt a hard slap on the back of his head as Taylor walked around in front of him. "You fucking idiot, why did you let her leave?"
"She didn't give me much choice," Zac spat.
"Zac! Did you--did you not understand what just happened here?"
"Yes. She's delusional. She's finally grown into crazy, adult womanhood and she's letting her emotions do all the talking--"
"She just told you she was willing to drop her entire life just for you and you let her fucking get away! Zac. She cares for you. How many women can you say have actually ever given two shits about you in your entire life? I can count them with one finger--Ma. Just her. And she's gone. But now you have Bessie and she worships the godforsaken ground you walk upon and you just had the audacity to reject her! Are you seriously that stupid? She's a good woman. Fucking go after her, don't let her go!"
Zac's eyes darted around in thought as the realization hit him. Taylor was right. What the hell had he just allowed to happen? "Shit, Tay...what if I really screwed up this time? What if I've lost her? I mean--I mean, you understand why she can't live here, right?"
"She can live here all she wants, I don't give a shit. I'll clear out my own bed just for her if she needs a place to crash. I just know that you're miserable without her and she just stood there and poured her heart and soul out to you and you shot her down. If you let her get away, you're the biggest moron on the planet and you deserve to be miserable."
"Shit," Zac hissed again. "Shit! Tay, I can't lose her. I gotta go--"
"Why the hell are you still here? Get gone, already!"
And with that, Zac took off through the woods. Bessie was light years ahead of him, but he didn't care. He knew these woods like the back of his hand and, darkness or not, he could have run the trails with his eyes closed. With this in mind, he tore through the woods at full speed toward her house, praying all the while that he wasn't too late.