ANTS AT A PICNIC (REPRISE)
“THIS HEAT GETS worse and worse every year, I’m certain of it,” Catherine Harlow lamented as she dabbed her husband’s handkerchief against her forehead. “I understand that these picnics are a tradition, but Governor Bryson should really start considering dinner parties. Maybe I should run the idea by Pearl…”
Bessie stood on the side terrace, along with her parents, at the governor’s mansion. It was around four in the afternoon and the atmosphere was bustling with activity. On the ground below them, several yard games had been set up for the guests’ amusement and a live band played at the far end of the terrace. While dancing a jig or joining the young people in a rousing game of horseshoes sounded nice, Bessie preferred to be right where she was: on the open, white terrace, surrounded by a vast assortment of food and drink. Rumor had it that there was ice cream indoors. That was first on her list of activities.
Every summer, at the end of July, Governor Howard Bryson and his wife, Pearl, hosted a picnic for all of the government employees and their families. Everyone from the man who swept the hallways to the county commissioner and everyone in between came out every year to enjoy themselves and relax on the last Saturday of the month. Food, drink, and entertainment was always in abundance. The men smoked cigarettes and talked business and sports, the women gossiped and swapped recipes over tea, and the young people were dancing to the music or chasing each other in the yard. Everyone always had a merry time and Bessie looked forward to it every year.
Speaking of looking forward to things, Bessie was surprised that the festivities were even holding her attention at the moment. Just three days ago, she had received her last telegram from her beau: that the boys were coming home. She had just begun to get used to the idea of leaving Oklahoma for the big city when she got the news that Zac was coming home in just a few short days. Her emotions were all over the place as she read the telegram over and over again. First and foremost, she could hardly contain her excitement. She didn’t care if they lived in Tulsa or New York City, she just wanted to be with Zac. Didn’t matter where, didn’t matter how. At the same time, however, she felt bad for him and his brothers. They’d had high hopes of getting their act back on top again, only to have those dreams shattered the same way they were before. So, admittedly, she had no idea what she was to expect when Zac came home. Would he be happy to see her? Would he be miserable and forlorn? Would he be resentful of Tulsa and itching for the next opportunity to return to New York?
And then another thought entered her mind: If he was coming to Tulsa, she would for sure be going to Oklahoma City for college. She had yet to tell her parents, or even Millie, that she was seriously considering not attending at all. She and Zac certainly had some things to discuss when he came home.
Which, undoubtedly, would be any given minute now! How she was able to even agree to come to this picnic, she would never know, because where she really wanted to be was camped out at the gypsy camp, lying in wait. She wished he would send her telegrams along the way to let her know how close he was, but then, that might take time out of his travels and she’d rather he just come straight home than waste time. Any moment now. Any moment. Why, he could be home by the time she left the picnic!
The thought brought the heat to her cheeks as she suppressed a grin and glanced around. “Bessie!” Millie called from across the terrace. With a wave of her hand, she bounded over.
Millie’s father, Bessie’s uncle, wasn’t a government employee. However, they were considered family to Bessie’s father and that was how they got through the loopholes to come to the picnic. Though, in all honesty, once the party was in full swing, Bessie was certain that Governor Bryson didn’t pay much attention to who came and went from the function.
As Millie stopped in front of her, in her beautiful, white, calf-length summer dress, covered in teal polka dots with broad shoulders and sleeves that tapered off, she glanced over Bessie and scrunched up her nose. “So…you’re really growing attached to those trousers, aren’t you?”
It was true. Bessie had finally grown to love her wide-legged, tan, tweed trousers. They were so convenient, so freeing. She didn’t have to worry about fancy undergarments and if she wanted to join in a game of tag with the other young people, she could do so without having to worry about appearing too ladylike in a dress. She didn’t need the hat or the gloves or the clutch…just her pants pockets and her lightweight, short-sleeved white button down shirt. It tucked into the high-waisted pants while conveniently hugging her figure in a way that no longer made Bessie nervous. For once in her life, Bessie was finally enjoying fashion and appreciating her figure.
Bessie lifted her chin and smiled. “You should try them. They’re most convenient. I didn’t like them at first, but they’ve grown on me. Mama has since bought me two more pairs.”
“Hm,” Millie huffed. “Well, I do say, it’s a good thing that Zac Hanson already loves you because I don’t see any boy out there who would look for a relationship with a girl in trousers.”
Bessie shrugged with a grin. “Guess it’s a good thing for them I’m not looking, anyway.”
Suddenly, the band began to play a popular, catchy jazz number and Millie immediately dragged Bessie across the terrace for a quick dance. Dancing the old Charleston was a nice nostalgia trip for the cousins as they squealed with laughter as they kicked their legs in tandem. The heat, unfortunately, took them over quickly and they could only muster up enough energy for one dance. Dabbing her brow with the back of her hand, Bessie fanned herself. “Well. I think it’s time for a soda pop, don’t you?”
“Yes, most definitely,” Millie agreed. Then she linked her arm with Bessie’s and leaned in close as they walked toward the back door of the mansion. “But let’s take them into the washroom,” she whispered. “I brought a little something to spice them up.”
“Millie!” Bessie hissed. “They’ll smell us to kingdom come! This is not the place to flirt with the law, in case you haven’t noticed!”
“Oh, don’t be such a ninny. We merely pour in small amounts at a time so they don’t smell it. Granted, we might visit the washroom quite a few times to accomplish this, nobody will ever know. We’ll just be simply…having fun.”
Several minutes later, Bessie had to admit that the added ingredient in her grape Nehi did make the purple, bubbly goodness just a tad bit more enjoyable. Which was probably for the better, since, as she and Millie walked back out onto the terrace, they were met face-to-face with Billy Connors and Sue Wilkerson.
Seeing the two of them together should have made Bessie feel proud of herself for bringing them together instead of the discomfort she currently felt. She felt like a terrible person for the jealousy that crept up on her. She felt like a terrible person for getting so caught up in the flattery of Billy’s crush on her. Why, before Zac, no boy had ever had a crush on Bessie before. She’d never known the way it felt. Was it so bad to merely want to be desired every once in awhile?
Yes. Yes, it was. Especially when you, yourself, had a beau.
So, she tossed back a long swig of her fancy grape soda and she plastered a smile on her face. “Billy! Sue! So nice to see the two of you today. Together…”
Billy smiled and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Hey, Bessie. You, uh, you look nice today.”
Sue greeted Bessie with a tight-lipped smile. “Hello, Beatrice. I see you’re in those trousers again.”
The hairs on the back of Bessie’s neck stood on end. Was Sue being…catty? Bessie didn’t recall ever exchanging any ill words with Sue. She reflected quickly on past years. Had Bessie and Sue had a problem with each other that had caused Sue to hold a grudge? No…not that she could remember.
Another swig of grape had Bessie wishing that Millie had made it a little extra special. “Your dress is beautiful. I love the detail on the roses. But aren’t you burning up with that hat and those gloves?”
Bessie thought she could hear Billy snort, but she couldn’t be certain.
Sue straightened her spine and threw back her shoulders. “Well, I’m out of doors at a high society function. It’s inappropriate to be without gloves. And you could ask your dear cousin the same question about her hat. I’d encourage any female walking around with trousers on to ask as many questions as she possibly can about women’s fashion, as it would be so obvious that the answers would benefit her greatly.”
“It just so happens that, as it stands,” Millie interjected, “if Bessie were walking down the streets of Paris right now, she’d be the toast of the town in those trousers. They’re very much in fashion across the pond and are currently on sale in Tulsa’s department stores. Though, I suppose a girl whose mother still sews her dresses from McCall’s patterns has no real need to visit the department stores, now does she?”
As Millie stuck it to Sue and Sue stood there with her fists balled up and her mouth gaping open, Billy and Bessie stood there, grinning at each other like idiots. She supposed she was feeling the liquor a little now and Billy was apparently thoroughly enjoying the way his girlfriend was being put in her place.
His girlfriend…
Gee, was Sue normally this pleasant? How did Billy tolerate it?
“Bessie,” Millie said, the back of her hand slapping Bessie’s arm listlessly, causing her drink to slosh around in the glass. “Bessie.”
After the second near-spill, Bessie, now annoyed, arched an eyebrow at her cousin. “What?”
Millie’s eyes were wide, fixated on something on the land beyond Billy and Sue, far away beyond the terrace and the picnic as a whole. “Look,” she breathed.
Bessie followed her gaze. And that was when her entire glass of grape Nehi left her hand and poured itself all down the front of Sue Wilkerson’s lovely white dress.
THE NEXT THREE days were long and agonizing. But not agonizing in the way Zac imagined they would be.
Besides the occasional stop for food or sleep or gasoline, all the Hanson brothers seemed to see for hours on end was pavement and land. As far as the eye could see. And only, every once in awhile, were they afforded a change in scenery in the form of a bumpy dirt road. Zac didn’t mind, though. A distraction was something that would certainly be welcome, but wasn’t necessarily needed.
Most of the ride home was filled with silence. No doubt Taylor was examining his future with Aishe and Isaac was likely going over his possible employment options or lack thereof. Zac, however? Well, halfway through their first day of travel, he had been hit in the chest by something with a ton of bricks so hard he wasn’t sure he remembered how to breathe:
He would have to tell Bessie about Dot Harper.
How he had allowed it to slip his mind over the past week and a half, he had no idea. He supposed that being heavily intoxicated that night aided in the forgetting of the events. But he’d certainly heard about it the next day, the way she sat on his knee and they flirted with each other and he called her Bessie. And then, little by little, his memory began to repair itself and small blurs of inappropriate moments began to eat at him until there was nothing left but absolute fear.
He did have the option not to tell Bessie, though. He never actually did anything with Dot Harper and Bessie would never be any the wiser of any of it. But Zac would know. Zac would know and he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt. He couldn’t handle it, now, riding in the car, heading home for Tulsa. When he laid eyes on Bessie again, he would know. And in his knowing, Bessie would know, too. She could read him like a book.
He had to tell her.
God, what would she say? What would she think? Had he actually been untrue to Bessie or not? Dot Harper had come to him, he hadn’t gone to her. She sat on his knee, he hadn’t invited her. But he hadn’t sent her away, either. And how in the hell had he managed to convince himself that she was Bessie? Was he really that far gone in his missing her at that point? Was he at rock bottom? He had called another woman Bessie. And that was the reason that Zac stared blankly out the window in silence, staring aimlessly at America’s amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesties.
He brought it up one time, needing a recap from Taylor of the night’s events. It was simple, really. Dot sat on Zac’s knee, Zac had a drunken slipup, and Dot took advantage and took the slipup and ran with it. Nothing happened. He hadn’t hugged her or kissed her—hell, he hadn’t even touched her. And Taylor was certain that Bessie would be completely understanding and, “Hell, she’ll probably even laugh at it!”
But Zac wasn’t so sure. He was definitely sure that there wouldn’t be any laughing. And he could only pray for the understanding.
It was late in the afternoon when the “Welcome to Tulsa” sign came into view. He swallowed hard as he looked around at the way the familiar golden sun shone on the wheat fields on either side of them. Zac’s heart began to pound. He’d spent the past two and a half days worrying about how he was going to break the news to her, finally nailed down a plan, only to have it fly right out the window when he’d realized he was just a few minutes away from her.
Just a few minutes away from Bessie, from the love of his life, after an entire month. He thought he might be sick with nerves.
As they rode through downtown Tulsa, Zac looked around. Nothing had changed, naturally. After only a month, he hadn’t suspected it would. But he watched the buildings anyway, for any sign of change, for any sign that life had moved on without the Hanson brothers.
When the pavement turned into dirt, Isaac’s voice sounded from the driver seat. “Zac,” he said quietly. “I realize that you’ll be ready to bolt from this car the moment it stops. But I have to ask that you please help us secure the trailer and get settled before you take off.”
Surprisingly, Zac was more than agreeable to the idea. He swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah, no problem.”
The car had fallen deathly silent again. Here it was. They were finally home.
And as failures, once again.
* * *
A couple of hours later, after the trailer was secure and Zac had changed clothes and freshened up, he set out on foot to the Harlows’ farmhouse. Through the old, familiar woods he strode, his hands shoved in his pockets, his brain racing a mile a minute.
He’d kept it simple in a short-sleeved button-down and tan trousers. He knew how Bessie loved his long hair, but the sun was brutal that day and there was no way, no how he would be able to handle it falling down around his neck. So he tied it up and tucked it up underneath his wool cap. Ironically, it was a getup just like this that he was in when he’d first laid eyes on Bessie to begin with. It was almost as if history was repeating itself.
By the time he knew he was close to the house, his sick nerves were finally giving way to excitement. Sure, he had a pretty big confession to make, but it didn’t make him any less excited to see Bessie. He had only been waiting for this moment for an entire month.
The rustling of leaves in the distance slowed his walking, however. And then the sound of speeding hooves thumping rapidly against the dirt caused his heart to race in panic. Where was it coming from? Which direction? Where did he run, how did he hide?
In a blur, he was mauled by a large, brown figure. The warmth of its body, the terrifying sound of its breathing and the feel of its…wet nose? Wait, what?
Zac was on the ground, on his backside, when he snapped into reality. His forehead and chin were covered in nothing but spongy tongue and wet slobber and he used his hands to finally wave the figure away.
Scout’s excited form danced in circles as Zac dusted off his hands and stood up.
He had never been happier to see that insufferable scoundrel in his entire life.
“Scout!” Zac grinned. “Hey, boy! Hey, buddy!”
Now having a better handle on the situation, Zac bent down and tousled the fur on the sides of his face before scratching him behind the ear. “Hey, buddy,” he whispered again. “Were you a good dog while I was away?”
Almost, as if commanded, the dog sat as his tail thumped the ground behind him.
Zac stood up straight. “Hm,” he observed. “Suppose you were. Say, where’s Bessie, huh? Where’s your mama? Is she at home?”
Standing again, the dog danced another circle and gruffed a light bark.
“I’m going to take that as a yes,” Zac smiled. “Come on, let’s go surprise her.”
With Scout by his side, Zac continued on his journey. He was within sight of the opening that led to Judge Harlow’s property and his heart began to skip. His footsteps quickened and he allowed the shameless grin to cross his face. This was it. This was finally it.
When the yard opened up and he was in direct view of the side of the farmhouse with the ladder leading to Bessie’s window, he stopped dead in his tracks and looked around. Furrowing his brow, he counted the days in his head quickly. It was Saturday. And Judge Harlow’s car was nowhere in sight.
And then Zac shrugged. That was no matter. He could have taken the wife out on a date or something of that nature. Bessie knew Zac was on his way home. Surely she would have sat in her room and waited for him.
Instead of startling her at her window, however, he decided to greet her the old fashioned way and knock on the front door. Bounding onto the porch, he determined that the sweat on his palms was no longer due to the heat, but to his own nerves. Then he looked at his palms once more and he cursed at himself. He should have picked her some wildflowers.
No matter, though. He adjusted his hat and his collar and he looked down at his furry counterpart. “How do I look?”
The mutt merely looked up at him, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.
“Thanks,” Zac muttered.
And then he knocked on the door and he waited.
After a moment, without an answer, he knocked again. Then he glanced down at the dog to distract himself from his impatience.
The dog…
Would the dog be outside, roaming the woods, if Bessie were home?
Most likely not.
That was it. She wasn’t home.
Millie! She had to be with Millie!
Did Zac know where Millie lived?
Turning and exiting the porch, Scout followed along as Zac made his way up the main sidewalk and onto the dirt road. Which way did he go, though? Did he go left toward town? Or right, deeper into the country? Zac didn’t figure Millie for the type who grew up in the country, so he decided to go left. Millie was definitely a city girl.
Zac hadn’t walked but a few steps when he heard the light sound of tires against dirt come closer to him. Glancing up, Joey Martin pulled up next to him on a bicycle. “So it’s true,” Joey murmured through the straw he chewed between his teeth. “You came home.”
“Hey, Joey,” Zac greeted him. “Not exactly something I’m proud to speak about, but it’s good to be home.”
Joey’s flaming red hair nodded. “Welcome home. A, uh, a lot’s happened since you’ve been gone.”
“That right?”
“Yup.”
Zac didn’t care at the moment. “Know where I might find Bessie?”
Joey nodded ahead of them. “Governor’s mansion. Annual picnic that Bryson throws for all the uppity people around town. If you don’t work for the city or the county or the state, you don’t get an invite.”
“That right?” Zac nodded. “I’ve been under city protection before. That count?”
Joey chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, I wouldn’t reckon so.”
“Well,” Zac let out a breath. “Looks like I got a party to crash, then, doesn’t it?” Going to take his first step in the direction of town, he paused and looked at Joey. “Joey. You said a lot has happened since I’ve been gone. If I…if I go to this picnic, will Bessie…be happy to see me?”
Joey looked up at the sky and shook his head. “Are you kidding? All she’s done since the moment you left was prepare for your return. She’ll be beside herself. Go get her.”
With Joey’s blessing, Zac was happily bounding in the direction of town.
* * *
Governor Bryson’s mansion wasn’t the most spectacular thing Zac had ever seen. In his vaudeville days, he had bedded women who lived in mansions much grander, who were wives and daughters of much more prominent and wealthy men, and snuck out of back doors and into yards that would have put this one to shame. But it was the most impressive home in Tulsa, Oklahoma and Zac, now a lowly gypsy once again, found that it probably wasn’t the best of ideas to simply knock on the front door.
After having left Scout in the care of his brothers so that the crashing of the governor’s picnic wouldn’t be that much more of disaster, he found that the walk wasn’t all that bad, after all. Once he’d reached the sprawling, white estate, with the perfectly manicured lawn and the gargoyle statues that guarded the porch, he heard music and activity immediately. And, so, he followed the property line around until the sounds led him to the side terrace.
The terrace was ground level and ran the length of the house. It was made entirely of white stone with a railing that many people were utilizing for leaning on or resting their food and drink on. On one end of the terrace, an array of food was set out for the guests, an idea Zac thought was probably a bad one for the heat they were in. He hoped Bessie wouldn’t come out of this with food poisoning. On the other end, a group of teens were dancing a jig in a space cleared out in front of the band. He smiled fondly at the memory of the band he had stopped to see in the Eva From Eden act at the fair in Philadelphia. Christ, did he need to tell Bessie about the way Glorious Greta came on to him, too?
His head began to spin.
Dodging his way around the yard games and the children chasing each other in a thousand different directions, Zac found himself further away from the terrace instead of closer to it. None of them paid him any mind as they laughed and squealed in joy around him and he finally, by some miracle, was able to find himself a clear path to the terrace. This was it. Bessie was practically within his reach now.
And then he saw her and he stopped in his tracks to take her in. God, she was even more breathtaking than she was the day he first laid eyes on her. Her hair was lighter now. Lighter than it was when he’d left. It was now the color of honey and the change in her appearance was something he would have to get used to. It rattled him for a moment, but it didn’t make her any less beautiful. After all, the way the sunlight bounced off of it made her look like the angel that she was.
She was wearing trousers. That was new. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a woman in trousers before, outside of some type of carnival act. But she wore them elegantly on her tall, slender figure. Her sudden change in appearance was a little disconcerting at first, trousers included, but then he saw her smile and he realized that she was still the same beautiful Bessie that she’d always been. He could have stood there and admired her that way for hours.
It took merely a moment before she noticed him. However, unlike the first time they’d seen each other, where she shyly turned away from him, this time she barreled through the couple in front of her and dashed across the terrace. The grin spread wide over his face as his girl ran to him, bounding down the steps and coming across the yard at a full sprint. He braced himself and prepared for the collision that he knew was coming.
And collide, they did. Bessie didn’t stop until she had jumped up into his arms and wrapped her arms and legs around his body. He wrapped his own arms tightly around her and his heart swelled to the point where he thought it might actually burst. To know that there were moments when he thought he would never feel this again, to think he would never hold her…he held her tighter than ever now, never ever intending to let go.
She sobbed into his collar, causing his own tears to form in his eyes. He was so overwhelmed with emotion that he sniffed back the tears and held her tighter still, ignoring the sweat that was beading down his body underneath his clothes in the stifling summer heat.
“Zac,” she murmured, her tears of joy causing her shoulders to jolt. “I’ve missed you so much! So much! I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!”
Finally, he managed to pull her away and set her back on her feet so that he could see her face. Even wet and tear-streaked, it was the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Wiping her tears away with his thumbs, he smiled at her. “I love you, too, my sweet girl. So much. So much more than you could ever imagine. I’m never leaving you again and that’s a promise. Not ever again. I’ve quit the carnival life, Bessie. The act is no more. I have no reason to ever leave Tulsa now, unless it’s with you.”
“Oh, Zac!” And then she threw her arms around his neck once more.
For the first time, he glanced up at the scene behind Bessie and found the majority of the party guests’ eyes on them. All of them, dressed in their best suits and cloche hats and Zac in…well, back in his gypsy status. He knew his place in Tulsa. No one needed remind him.
“Bessie, baby,” he whispered into her hair. “I gotta go.”
She pulled away and she gaped at him. “But—but, no, you just got here!”
“I don’t mean away, I mean back home. Away from here. I’m not welcome here, I’m not—“
“Oh, that’s nonsense!” She exclaimed, taking him purposefully by the hand. “You are my boyfriend and my daddy is the judge, which makes you very much welcome. Because you’re with me. So come on and we’ll find you some soda. Millie brought a special treat with her to put in it. Or we can even get you a beer.”
“Beer?” Zac asked curiously.
Bessie shrugged. “Well, I mean, the stuff Millie brought packs a much better punch, but, yes, beer is legal in Tulsa now. It happened a couple of weeks ago.” Then she paused to giggle. “Why, I’m surprised I haven’t put on ten pounds for all the beer I’ve had lately.”
“You drink beer?” Zac asked, still surprised.
“Yes,” she smiled. “And I wear trousers. A lot has happened since you’ve been gone.”
“So it seems,” he murmured.
“Come on,” she said, pulling him along eagerly. “Let’s go greet everyone!”
Well. All right, then. This was new. It wasn’t exactly new, really, just a bit of a change from his normal homecomings, which usually consisted of stretching out on his bed and sleeping well into the next day.
But to come home and be thrust directly into Tulsa’s upper crust society? That was different.
But then his entire life had been turned upside down since the moment he laid eyes on Bessie Harlow. Why should one moment or the next be a surprise to him anymore? He should know by now to expect the unexpected. Embrace the unknown. Shake Judge Harlow’s hand.
Judge Harlow!
Before he knew it, Bessie had dragged him up the steps of the terrace and planted him directly in front of her parents. The old intimidation reared its ugly head again, but this time the judge merely smiled underneath his hat and extended his long, slender arm. “Zachary. Welcome home. I expect your trip was…interesting.”
Smiling, Zac accepted the handshake. “Yes, sir, thank you. Never a dull moment on those trips, that’s for sure.”
“I imagine so. I guess New York wasn’t quite cutting it for you, was it?”
Shaking his head, Zac’s smile widened, appreciative of the judge’s masked compassion. “Well, you know. There are only so many times you can throw axes at your brother before the risk of decapitation becomes a gruesome reality.”
Judge Harlow laughed a hearty laugh before suddenly, he clamped his mouth shut and bore his eyes deliberately into Zac’s. In a hushed, threatening tone, he said to him, “If you ever set foot inside my daughter’s bedroom again, it will be curtains for you, do you understand me, son?”
Zac gaped at the judge in fear and he swallowed hard. “Yes, sir,” he creaked out. “Absolutely, sir. Your honor. Sir.”
“Jim!” Mrs. Harlow scolded with a light slap on her husband’s forearm. “Don’t scare the poor dear, he just found his way home!”
“He should be afraid,” the judge protested. “Don’t think that sound doesn’t haunt me every single night—“
“Oh, stop being so dramatic, we agreed that it was squirrels. Or raccoons. Or probably even Scout, remember? So leave him alone!” Then she smiled at Zac and reached for him, embracing him in a light hug. “Welcome home, sweetheart. How would you like to come have supper with us sometime next week, after you’ve gotten yourself settled back in?”
Glancing at Judge Harlow as if he needed his permission, Zac hesitantly nodded his head at Bessie’s mother. “That, um, that sounds lovely, thank you.”
“If you’ll excuse us, Zac, the governor and his wife are waving us over. We’ll catch up soon, all right? You can tell us all about your travels at supper next week.”
“Great,” Zac smiled with a nervous wave. “Have a good evening, good to see you again.”
And then he was alone. Where had Bessie run off to? He expected her to stay glued to his side from now until forever.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned around and didn’t have to wonder for long. Suddenly, his heart rate sped up and adrenaline coursed through his veins like a raging river. His fists balled up in his pockets and his breathing quickened.
Because right there, in front of Zac’s face, was Bessie and Billie Connors: laughing and smiling and seemingly having a grand old conversation amongst themselves. So. A lot had changed since Zac had been gone, indeed.
He hadn’t even had the chance to put any thought into it before his legs were already striding across the terrace. It took mere seconds before he reached the pair and Zac could already feel Billy tensing up as he approached.
Stepping a foot between Bessie and Billy, Zac gently shoved Bessie behind him and put himself nearly nose-to-nose with Tulsa’s favorite football star. “Zac!” Bessie hissed at him. “Zac, stop it!”
“Since the moment I got back, all I’ve been hearing is how much things have changed since I left,” Zac said through clenched teeth. “Is this it? Is this what they’re all talking about? You’re working on my girl? Is that what they mean?”
Billy smirked. “I was. I mean, she’s awful pretty, isn’t she? She wears those trousers well. And that honey-colored hair. But then—“
Zac had heard enough. Shoving a finger in his face, his voice grew louder and he was increasingly unable to control himself. “My leaving town wasn’t meant to be a free-for-all for you! She isn’t yours, she never was! I’m tired of you trying to take my girl out from under me! This stops today, once and for all, do you understand? I told you the first time that I would finish what I started and that was a promise!”
And then he felt the tug on his right hand.
“Zac!” Bessie’s voice plead with him. “Zac, please! Please stop it! Look at me!”
But he couldn’t move. His eyes were still glued on Billy’s, both men’s breaths hard and rapid, huffing out of their noses.
“Zac,” Bessie commanded. “I thought you came home to me, Zac? Just for me. Not to start picking fights. Don’t you love me, Zac? Why won’t you look at me?”
Finally it registered, and he blinked his eyes for a moment, turning around and looking into his love’s confused, tear-filled, hazel eyes. Oh, god. Oh, dear god, no. She was hurt. Devastated. What the hell was he doing? He’d only seen her for ten minutes and already he was a disgrace. He didn’t deserve her. And after she found out about Dot Harper, that would be the final nail in his coffin.
He couldn’t stick around to be a disappointment to her any longer.
And, so, he turned on his heel and he stormed off of the terrace, across the yard, and into the woods.
* * *
The clearing was exactly as Zac had left it. The dandelions still danced in the breeze, the wildflowers still bloomed in abundance, and the shade tree stood faithfully in the same spot it had always stood. The only thing that had changed was the peace the place had once brought him. Now that it was a secret place he shared with Bessie, he was plagued by more fears than comfort, shame in himself for behaving the way he did at the governor’s picnic, and whether he even needed to bring up Dot Harper now that he had surely done everything that it took to ensure that he had shoved Bessie the rest of the way into Billy Connors’s arms. After all, if that was the way things turned out, Zac would only have himself to blame and he was prepared to accept it.
As he stood in the clearing, his hands shoved in his pockets, the wind howled through the trees. He examined the sky above him, the hot wind barely any relief from the sun, and he spied the dark, looming clouds that threatened nearby. Talk about history repeating itself. Hadn’t it rained the first time he had ever been to a picnic with Bessie? He shook his head at the memory.
This time, he didn’t care, however. He wasn’t rushing to get out of it. He wasn’t running for shelter. He was no longer afraid of the storms, instead he was afraid of weathering the storms alone. Bessie had made the storms okay. She made the storms beautiful. Without Bessie, the storms were nothing.
It was bizarre the way he could leave town for an entire month and come back and be in exactly the same place he had started in. It was almost as if his life had been put on hiatus for a month. Everything else around Zac had changed…except Zac.
He sensed her presence before she ever spoke a word. He closed his eyes and sucked the air in through his nose as if to savor her aura. He was home. He was finally home. With her. And, yet, he still felt like he was struggling to make it back.
“You humiliated me,” her voice came softly from somewhere behind him. “How could you do that? How could you just come straight home and just—humiliate me like that? I thought you were happy to see me?”
Finally, he turned around and he faced her. She only stood several feet away from him, as beautiful as she’d ever been. So much more beautiful than any woman he had ever come across during this past month’s tour—including Dot Harper.
His stomach churned.
“I am,” he nearly whispered. “I’ve—I’ve waited for this day for what felt like years. I wanted to come home to you and—and collapse into your arms and lose myself in them forever, but—but I got so much on my mind and—well, I gotta tell you something, Bessie. I gotta talk to you. And I came home and your hair is different and I saw you being friendly with Billy and…and I wondered if maybe you already knew. That maybe you were already giving up on me.”
Her beautiful hazel eyes widened and she shook her head. “I could never give up on you, Zac. Not for anything, not ever. I love you, all the way to the end, no matter what. Don’t you know that?”
“No matter what?”
“Yes. No matter what.”
At that, he closed the gap between them and took her by both of her hands. "Bessie, I gotta tell you something. It's--it's been eating away at me and I just gotta be honest with you."
"All right..."
"Bessie, I--well, I...I was almost untrue to you back in New York. But I wasn't! I swear to you that I wasn't. Just almost."
Bessie was silent. So silent that it scared the life out of Zac. He wished she would react. He wished she would throw a temper tantrum, just like the one she threw when she found out he was leaving. He wished she would slap him, stamp on his foot, anything. Anything was better than this silence.
She continued to study him, her eyes calculating. "How can you...almost be untrue?"
"We were invited to a party and I got drunk,” he rushed. “I was drunk, Bessie. And this lady, she...well she sat on my knee. And I thought she was you--"
"Well I wasn't anywhere close to New York,” she replied with a shake of her head.
"I know. I know you weren't now. But I was so drunk then that I didn't know and if it hadn't been for Tay, well--well, I don't know what would have happened. And that's the truth."
Finally, she dropped his hands forcefully and took a step back from him. A giant step. No. No, that wasn’t the step he needed her to take. He needed her to come back to him. Desperately.
"It...it took your brother to make sure you wouldn't cheat?"
He took a step toward her. "I told you it was the alcohol--"
She took another step backward. "I got drunk at that gypsy party before you left. Remember? And I knew exactly who you were. The whole time. That--that doesn't make sense to me."
"It doesn't make sense to me, either. But that's what alcohol does--"
"And if Taylor wasn't there..."
"Bessie--"
"So...while my beau is away, his brother is the one thinking of me? Not--not you?"
"No, Bessie, I always thought of you. Every hour of every day, even in my dreams."
"Except for that time."
"Especially that time! I was so lonely and I was missing you so much and I saw your face constantly, all the time, even on her--"
Bessie gaped at him in horror and balled her fists up at her sides. "So you made me look like a cheap harlot? Zac, I just...I don't know..."
Zac shook his head and took another step forward out of desperation. "Don't say that. Don't--don't say any of that. Tell me you forgive me, tell me you love me."
"You were going to cheat on me..."
"But I didn't."
"This time."
He took her hands in his again, pleading. "There won't be a next time, I swear to you. I just wanted to be honest, I didn't want there to be any secrets between us."
She lifted her chin haughtily. "Well, I appreciate that. But I really need to think about some things right now."
"No. Don't think. Tell me you love me. Please."
"Zac, I need to go,” she replied quietly, dropping his hands again.
At that, Zac’s legs gave out and he was shamelessly on his knees in front of her. He clutched her hands tightly as if never having been above begging in his life. His throat felt like sandpaper and the tears stung his eyes and he didn’t even care if they fell. "Bessie, please. Don't leave me. Please. I just got you back, baby, please. Please. Please. I love you so much, baby, please. I need you. Oh, baby, how I need you. I can't live without you. And I won't. If--if I didn't have you, there would be no me. Please. I'm begging you. Can't you see I'm on my knees? Please. I love you. I love you, Bessie, I do. Forever, I swear it."
"Zac..."
"Please! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll do anything, please stay. Please. I missed you so much, I was miserable without you, Bessie. I was so miserable."
"You hurt my feelings,” she replied quietly. “People who love each other don't...almost cheat."
"I only want you, Bessie. Forever. I'm on my knees, baby. Forgive me, I'm begging you. I do love you. I love you with every bone in my body, every breath that I take...you're my entire world."
Her jaw hung slightly and she stared down at him, her eyes wide. Her eyes searched his and he fought to read her expression, blank as it was. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, he only wanted to be honest. Wasn’t that what women wanted? Honesty? Hadn’t he done right by her?
She let go of his hands and she took a step backward. “I have to think about this,” she whispered.
“Sweet girl,” his voice cracked.
“Don’t.”
“I love you so much. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”
“And I love you. But…”
“No…”
“You hurt me. And now I have to think.” She swallowed hard and she sniffled, her cheeks and her nose turning pink. “I spent this entire month the most miserable I have ever been in my life. And now that you’re home, I have to…why, I have to think!”
And then she covered her mouth and she turned and ran away.
Zac let his tears fall. He wiped his nose with the back of his wrist and then he pounded the ground with his fist and then he collapsed, burying his head in his hands. And when the rain started to fall, he didn’t care. When the wind blew violently around him and the thunder crashed over his head, he didn’t care. When the tiny hailstones pelted his back in place of the raindrops, he didn’t care. He hoped that a twister came. He prayed that a twister would come and scoop him off of the ground and carry him away, far away, maybe to another land or to another world altogether. Because he didn’t deserve to be in the one he lived in. He didn’t deserve the mercy that he begged for from Bessie.
But he was honest. He hadn’t done anything, but he was honest about it, anyway. His conscience was clear. Couldn’t he at least find solace in that?
What good was solace, though, when your life was potentially over?
“THIS HEAT GETS worse and worse every year, I’m certain of it,” Catherine Harlow lamented as she dabbed her husband’s handkerchief against her forehead. “I understand that these picnics are a tradition, but Governor Bryson should really start considering dinner parties. Maybe I should run the idea by Pearl…”
Bessie stood on the side terrace, along with her parents, at the governor’s mansion. It was around four in the afternoon and the atmosphere was bustling with activity. On the ground below them, several yard games had been set up for the guests’ amusement and a live band played at the far end of the terrace. While dancing a jig or joining the young people in a rousing game of horseshoes sounded nice, Bessie preferred to be right where she was: on the open, white terrace, surrounded by a vast assortment of food and drink. Rumor had it that there was ice cream indoors. That was first on her list of activities.
Every summer, at the end of July, Governor Howard Bryson and his wife, Pearl, hosted a picnic for all of the government employees and their families. Everyone from the man who swept the hallways to the county commissioner and everyone in between came out every year to enjoy themselves and relax on the last Saturday of the month. Food, drink, and entertainment was always in abundance. The men smoked cigarettes and talked business and sports, the women gossiped and swapped recipes over tea, and the young people were dancing to the music or chasing each other in the yard. Everyone always had a merry time and Bessie looked forward to it every year.
Speaking of looking forward to things, Bessie was surprised that the festivities were even holding her attention at the moment. Just three days ago, she had received her last telegram from her beau: that the boys were coming home. She had just begun to get used to the idea of leaving Oklahoma for the big city when she got the news that Zac was coming home in just a few short days. Her emotions were all over the place as she read the telegram over and over again. First and foremost, she could hardly contain her excitement. She didn’t care if they lived in Tulsa or New York City, she just wanted to be with Zac. Didn’t matter where, didn’t matter how. At the same time, however, she felt bad for him and his brothers. They’d had high hopes of getting their act back on top again, only to have those dreams shattered the same way they were before. So, admittedly, she had no idea what she was to expect when Zac came home. Would he be happy to see her? Would he be miserable and forlorn? Would he be resentful of Tulsa and itching for the next opportunity to return to New York?
And then another thought entered her mind: If he was coming to Tulsa, she would for sure be going to Oklahoma City for college. She had yet to tell her parents, or even Millie, that she was seriously considering not attending at all. She and Zac certainly had some things to discuss when he came home.
Which, undoubtedly, would be any given minute now! How she was able to even agree to come to this picnic, she would never know, because where she really wanted to be was camped out at the gypsy camp, lying in wait. She wished he would send her telegrams along the way to let her know how close he was, but then, that might take time out of his travels and she’d rather he just come straight home than waste time. Any moment now. Any moment. Why, he could be home by the time she left the picnic!
The thought brought the heat to her cheeks as she suppressed a grin and glanced around. “Bessie!” Millie called from across the terrace. With a wave of her hand, she bounded over.
Millie’s father, Bessie’s uncle, wasn’t a government employee. However, they were considered family to Bessie’s father and that was how they got through the loopholes to come to the picnic. Though, in all honesty, once the party was in full swing, Bessie was certain that Governor Bryson didn’t pay much attention to who came and went from the function.
As Millie stopped in front of her, in her beautiful, white, calf-length summer dress, covered in teal polka dots with broad shoulders and sleeves that tapered off, she glanced over Bessie and scrunched up her nose. “So…you’re really growing attached to those trousers, aren’t you?”
It was true. Bessie had finally grown to love her wide-legged, tan, tweed trousers. They were so convenient, so freeing. She didn’t have to worry about fancy undergarments and if she wanted to join in a game of tag with the other young people, she could do so without having to worry about appearing too ladylike in a dress. She didn’t need the hat or the gloves or the clutch…just her pants pockets and her lightweight, short-sleeved white button down shirt. It tucked into the high-waisted pants while conveniently hugging her figure in a way that no longer made Bessie nervous. For once in her life, Bessie was finally enjoying fashion and appreciating her figure.
Bessie lifted her chin and smiled. “You should try them. They’re most convenient. I didn’t like them at first, but they’ve grown on me. Mama has since bought me two more pairs.”
“Hm,” Millie huffed. “Well, I do say, it’s a good thing that Zac Hanson already loves you because I don’t see any boy out there who would look for a relationship with a girl in trousers.”
Bessie shrugged with a grin. “Guess it’s a good thing for them I’m not looking, anyway.”
Suddenly, the band began to play a popular, catchy jazz number and Millie immediately dragged Bessie across the terrace for a quick dance. Dancing the old Charleston was a nice nostalgia trip for the cousins as they squealed with laughter as they kicked their legs in tandem. The heat, unfortunately, took them over quickly and they could only muster up enough energy for one dance. Dabbing her brow with the back of her hand, Bessie fanned herself. “Well. I think it’s time for a soda pop, don’t you?”
“Yes, most definitely,” Millie agreed. Then she linked her arm with Bessie’s and leaned in close as they walked toward the back door of the mansion. “But let’s take them into the washroom,” she whispered. “I brought a little something to spice them up.”
“Millie!” Bessie hissed. “They’ll smell us to kingdom come! This is not the place to flirt with the law, in case you haven’t noticed!”
“Oh, don’t be such a ninny. We merely pour in small amounts at a time so they don’t smell it. Granted, we might visit the washroom quite a few times to accomplish this, nobody will ever know. We’ll just be simply…having fun.”
Several minutes later, Bessie had to admit that the added ingredient in her grape Nehi did make the purple, bubbly goodness just a tad bit more enjoyable. Which was probably for the better, since, as she and Millie walked back out onto the terrace, they were met face-to-face with Billy Connors and Sue Wilkerson.
Seeing the two of them together should have made Bessie feel proud of herself for bringing them together instead of the discomfort she currently felt. She felt like a terrible person for the jealousy that crept up on her. She felt like a terrible person for getting so caught up in the flattery of Billy’s crush on her. Why, before Zac, no boy had ever had a crush on Bessie before. She’d never known the way it felt. Was it so bad to merely want to be desired every once in awhile?
Yes. Yes, it was. Especially when you, yourself, had a beau.
So, she tossed back a long swig of her fancy grape soda and she plastered a smile on her face. “Billy! Sue! So nice to see the two of you today. Together…”
Billy smiled and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Hey, Bessie. You, uh, you look nice today.”
Sue greeted Bessie with a tight-lipped smile. “Hello, Beatrice. I see you’re in those trousers again.”
The hairs on the back of Bessie’s neck stood on end. Was Sue being…catty? Bessie didn’t recall ever exchanging any ill words with Sue. She reflected quickly on past years. Had Bessie and Sue had a problem with each other that had caused Sue to hold a grudge? No…not that she could remember.
Another swig of grape had Bessie wishing that Millie had made it a little extra special. “Your dress is beautiful. I love the detail on the roses. But aren’t you burning up with that hat and those gloves?”
Bessie thought she could hear Billy snort, but she couldn’t be certain.
Sue straightened her spine and threw back her shoulders. “Well, I’m out of doors at a high society function. It’s inappropriate to be without gloves. And you could ask your dear cousin the same question about her hat. I’d encourage any female walking around with trousers on to ask as many questions as she possibly can about women’s fashion, as it would be so obvious that the answers would benefit her greatly.”
“It just so happens that, as it stands,” Millie interjected, “if Bessie were walking down the streets of Paris right now, she’d be the toast of the town in those trousers. They’re very much in fashion across the pond and are currently on sale in Tulsa’s department stores. Though, I suppose a girl whose mother still sews her dresses from McCall’s patterns has no real need to visit the department stores, now does she?”
As Millie stuck it to Sue and Sue stood there with her fists balled up and her mouth gaping open, Billy and Bessie stood there, grinning at each other like idiots. She supposed she was feeling the liquor a little now and Billy was apparently thoroughly enjoying the way his girlfriend was being put in her place.
His girlfriend…
Gee, was Sue normally this pleasant? How did Billy tolerate it?
“Bessie,” Millie said, the back of her hand slapping Bessie’s arm listlessly, causing her drink to slosh around in the glass. “Bessie.”
After the second near-spill, Bessie, now annoyed, arched an eyebrow at her cousin. “What?”
Millie’s eyes were wide, fixated on something on the land beyond Billy and Sue, far away beyond the terrace and the picnic as a whole. “Look,” she breathed.
Bessie followed her gaze. And that was when her entire glass of grape Nehi left her hand and poured itself all down the front of Sue Wilkerson’s lovely white dress.
THE NEXT THREE days were long and agonizing. But not agonizing in the way Zac imagined they would be.
Besides the occasional stop for food or sleep or gasoline, all the Hanson brothers seemed to see for hours on end was pavement and land. As far as the eye could see. And only, every once in awhile, were they afforded a change in scenery in the form of a bumpy dirt road. Zac didn’t mind, though. A distraction was something that would certainly be welcome, but wasn’t necessarily needed.
Most of the ride home was filled with silence. No doubt Taylor was examining his future with Aishe and Isaac was likely going over his possible employment options or lack thereof. Zac, however? Well, halfway through their first day of travel, he had been hit in the chest by something with a ton of bricks so hard he wasn’t sure he remembered how to breathe:
He would have to tell Bessie about Dot Harper.
How he had allowed it to slip his mind over the past week and a half, he had no idea. He supposed that being heavily intoxicated that night aided in the forgetting of the events. But he’d certainly heard about it the next day, the way she sat on his knee and they flirted with each other and he called her Bessie. And then, little by little, his memory began to repair itself and small blurs of inappropriate moments began to eat at him until there was nothing left but absolute fear.
He did have the option not to tell Bessie, though. He never actually did anything with Dot Harper and Bessie would never be any the wiser of any of it. But Zac would know. Zac would know and he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt. He couldn’t handle it, now, riding in the car, heading home for Tulsa. When he laid eyes on Bessie again, he would know. And in his knowing, Bessie would know, too. She could read him like a book.
He had to tell her.
God, what would she say? What would she think? Had he actually been untrue to Bessie or not? Dot Harper had come to him, he hadn’t gone to her. She sat on his knee, he hadn’t invited her. But he hadn’t sent her away, either. And how in the hell had he managed to convince himself that she was Bessie? Was he really that far gone in his missing her at that point? Was he at rock bottom? He had called another woman Bessie. And that was the reason that Zac stared blankly out the window in silence, staring aimlessly at America’s amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesties.
He brought it up one time, needing a recap from Taylor of the night’s events. It was simple, really. Dot sat on Zac’s knee, Zac had a drunken slipup, and Dot took advantage and took the slipup and ran with it. Nothing happened. He hadn’t hugged her or kissed her—hell, he hadn’t even touched her. And Taylor was certain that Bessie would be completely understanding and, “Hell, she’ll probably even laugh at it!”
But Zac wasn’t so sure. He was definitely sure that there wouldn’t be any laughing. And he could only pray for the understanding.
It was late in the afternoon when the “Welcome to Tulsa” sign came into view. He swallowed hard as he looked around at the way the familiar golden sun shone on the wheat fields on either side of them. Zac’s heart began to pound. He’d spent the past two and a half days worrying about how he was going to break the news to her, finally nailed down a plan, only to have it fly right out the window when he’d realized he was just a few minutes away from her.
Just a few minutes away from Bessie, from the love of his life, after an entire month. He thought he might be sick with nerves.
As they rode through downtown Tulsa, Zac looked around. Nothing had changed, naturally. After only a month, he hadn’t suspected it would. But he watched the buildings anyway, for any sign of change, for any sign that life had moved on without the Hanson brothers.
When the pavement turned into dirt, Isaac’s voice sounded from the driver seat. “Zac,” he said quietly. “I realize that you’ll be ready to bolt from this car the moment it stops. But I have to ask that you please help us secure the trailer and get settled before you take off.”
Surprisingly, Zac was more than agreeable to the idea. He swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah, no problem.”
The car had fallen deathly silent again. Here it was. They were finally home.
And as failures, once again.
* * *
A couple of hours later, after the trailer was secure and Zac had changed clothes and freshened up, he set out on foot to the Harlows’ farmhouse. Through the old, familiar woods he strode, his hands shoved in his pockets, his brain racing a mile a minute.
He’d kept it simple in a short-sleeved button-down and tan trousers. He knew how Bessie loved his long hair, but the sun was brutal that day and there was no way, no how he would be able to handle it falling down around his neck. So he tied it up and tucked it up underneath his wool cap. Ironically, it was a getup just like this that he was in when he’d first laid eyes on Bessie to begin with. It was almost as if history was repeating itself.
By the time he knew he was close to the house, his sick nerves were finally giving way to excitement. Sure, he had a pretty big confession to make, but it didn’t make him any less excited to see Bessie. He had only been waiting for this moment for an entire month.
The rustling of leaves in the distance slowed his walking, however. And then the sound of speeding hooves thumping rapidly against the dirt caused his heart to race in panic. Where was it coming from? Which direction? Where did he run, how did he hide?
In a blur, he was mauled by a large, brown figure. The warmth of its body, the terrifying sound of its breathing and the feel of its…wet nose? Wait, what?
Zac was on the ground, on his backside, when he snapped into reality. His forehead and chin were covered in nothing but spongy tongue and wet slobber and he used his hands to finally wave the figure away.
Scout’s excited form danced in circles as Zac dusted off his hands and stood up.
He had never been happier to see that insufferable scoundrel in his entire life.
“Scout!” Zac grinned. “Hey, boy! Hey, buddy!”
Now having a better handle on the situation, Zac bent down and tousled the fur on the sides of his face before scratching him behind the ear. “Hey, buddy,” he whispered again. “Were you a good dog while I was away?”
Almost, as if commanded, the dog sat as his tail thumped the ground behind him.
Zac stood up straight. “Hm,” he observed. “Suppose you were. Say, where’s Bessie, huh? Where’s your mama? Is she at home?”
Standing again, the dog danced another circle and gruffed a light bark.
“I’m going to take that as a yes,” Zac smiled. “Come on, let’s go surprise her.”
With Scout by his side, Zac continued on his journey. He was within sight of the opening that led to Judge Harlow’s property and his heart began to skip. His footsteps quickened and he allowed the shameless grin to cross his face. This was it. This was finally it.
When the yard opened up and he was in direct view of the side of the farmhouse with the ladder leading to Bessie’s window, he stopped dead in his tracks and looked around. Furrowing his brow, he counted the days in his head quickly. It was Saturday. And Judge Harlow’s car was nowhere in sight.
And then Zac shrugged. That was no matter. He could have taken the wife out on a date or something of that nature. Bessie knew Zac was on his way home. Surely she would have sat in her room and waited for him.
Instead of startling her at her window, however, he decided to greet her the old fashioned way and knock on the front door. Bounding onto the porch, he determined that the sweat on his palms was no longer due to the heat, but to his own nerves. Then he looked at his palms once more and he cursed at himself. He should have picked her some wildflowers.
No matter, though. He adjusted his hat and his collar and he looked down at his furry counterpart. “How do I look?”
The mutt merely looked up at him, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.
“Thanks,” Zac muttered.
And then he knocked on the door and he waited.
After a moment, without an answer, he knocked again. Then he glanced down at the dog to distract himself from his impatience.
The dog…
Would the dog be outside, roaming the woods, if Bessie were home?
Most likely not.
That was it. She wasn’t home.
Millie! She had to be with Millie!
Did Zac know where Millie lived?
Turning and exiting the porch, Scout followed along as Zac made his way up the main sidewalk and onto the dirt road. Which way did he go, though? Did he go left toward town? Or right, deeper into the country? Zac didn’t figure Millie for the type who grew up in the country, so he decided to go left. Millie was definitely a city girl.
Zac hadn’t walked but a few steps when he heard the light sound of tires against dirt come closer to him. Glancing up, Joey Martin pulled up next to him on a bicycle. “So it’s true,” Joey murmured through the straw he chewed between his teeth. “You came home.”
“Hey, Joey,” Zac greeted him. “Not exactly something I’m proud to speak about, but it’s good to be home.”
Joey’s flaming red hair nodded. “Welcome home. A, uh, a lot’s happened since you’ve been gone.”
“That right?”
“Yup.”
Zac didn’t care at the moment. “Know where I might find Bessie?”
Joey nodded ahead of them. “Governor’s mansion. Annual picnic that Bryson throws for all the uppity people around town. If you don’t work for the city or the county or the state, you don’t get an invite.”
“That right?” Zac nodded. “I’ve been under city protection before. That count?”
Joey chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, I wouldn’t reckon so.”
“Well,” Zac let out a breath. “Looks like I got a party to crash, then, doesn’t it?” Going to take his first step in the direction of town, he paused and looked at Joey. “Joey. You said a lot has happened since I’ve been gone. If I…if I go to this picnic, will Bessie…be happy to see me?”
Joey looked up at the sky and shook his head. “Are you kidding? All she’s done since the moment you left was prepare for your return. She’ll be beside herself. Go get her.”
With Joey’s blessing, Zac was happily bounding in the direction of town.
* * *
Governor Bryson’s mansion wasn’t the most spectacular thing Zac had ever seen. In his vaudeville days, he had bedded women who lived in mansions much grander, who were wives and daughters of much more prominent and wealthy men, and snuck out of back doors and into yards that would have put this one to shame. But it was the most impressive home in Tulsa, Oklahoma and Zac, now a lowly gypsy once again, found that it probably wasn’t the best of ideas to simply knock on the front door.
After having left Scout in the care of his brothers so that the crashing of the governor’s picnic wouldn’t be that much more of disaster, he found that the walk wasn’t all that bad, after all. Once he’d reached the sprawling, white estate, with the perfectly manicured lawn and the gargoyle statues that guarded the porch, he heard music and activity immediately. And, so, he followed the property line around until the sounds led him to the side terrace.
The terrace was ground level and ran the length of the house. It was made entirely of white stone with a railing that many people were utilizing for leaning on or resting their food and drink on. On one end of the terrace, an array of food was set out for the guests, an idea Zac thought was probably a bad one for the heat they were in. He hoped Bessie wouldn’t come out of this with food poisoning. On the other end, a group of teens were dancing a jig in a space cleared out in front of the band. He smiled fondly at the memory of the band he had stopped to see in the Eva From Eden act at the fair in Philadelphia. Christ, did he need to tell Bessie about the way Glorious Greta came on to him, too?
His head began to spin.
Dodging his way around the yard games and the children chasing each other in a thousand different directions, Zac found himself further away from the terrace instead of closer to it. None of them paid him any mind as they laughed and squealed in joy around him and he finally, by some miracle, was able to find himself a clear path to the terrace. This was it. Bessie was practically within his reach now.
And then he saw her and he stopped in his tracks to take her in. God, she was even more breathtaking than she was the day he first laid eyes on her. Her hair was lighter now. Lighter than it was when he’d left. It was now the color of honey and the change in her appearance was something he would have to get used to. It rattled him for a moment, but it didn’t make her any less beautiful. After all, the way the sunlight bounced off of it made her look like the angel that she was.
She was wearing trousers. That was new. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a woman in trousers before, outside of some type of carnival act. But she wore them elegantly on her tall, slender figure. Her sudden change in appearance was a little disconcerting at first, trousers included, but then he saw her smile and he realized that she was still the same beautiful Bessie that she’d always been. He could have stood there and admired her that way for hours.
It took merely a moment before she noticed him. However, unlike the first time they’d seen each other, where she shyly turned away from him, this time she barreled through the couple in front of her and dashed across the terrace. The grin spread wide over his face as his girl ran to him, bounding down the steps and coming across the yard at a full sprint. He braced himself and prepared for the collision that he knew was coming.
And collide, they did. Bessie didn’t stop until she had jumped up into his arms and wrapped her arms and legs around his body. He wrapped his own arms tightly around her and his heart swelled to the point where he thought it might actually burst. To know that there were moments when he thought he would never feel this again, to think he would never hold her…he held her tighter than ever now, never ever intending to let go.
She sobbed into his collar, causing his own tears to form in his eyes. He was so overwhelmed with emotion that he sniffed back the tears and held her tighter still, ignoring the sweat that was beading down his body underneath his clothes in the stifling summer heat.
“Zac,” she murmured, her tears of joy causing her shoulders to jolt. “I’ve missed you so much! So much! I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!”
Finally, he managed to pull her away and set her back on her feet so that he could see her face. Even wet and tear-streaked, it was the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Wiping her tears away with his thumbs, he smiled at her. “I love you, too, my sweet girl. So much. So much more than you could ever imagine. I’m never leaving you again and that’s a promise. Not ever again. I’ve quit the carnival life, Bessie. The act is no more. I have no reason to ever leave Tulsa now, unless it’s with you.”
“Oh, Zac!” And then she threw her arms around his neck once more.
For the first time, he glanced up at the scene behind Bessie and found the majority of the party guests’ eyes on them. All of them, dressed in their best suits and cloche hats and Zac in…well, back in his gypsy status. He knew his place in Tulsa. No one needed remind him.
“Bessie, baby,” he whispered into her hair. “I gotta go.”
She pulled away and she gaped at him. “But—but, no, you just got here!”
“I don’t mean away, I mean back home. Away from here. I’m not welcome here, I’m not—“
“Oh, that’s nonsense!” She exclaimed, taking him purposefully by the hand. “You are my boyfriend and my daddy is the judge, which makes you very much welcome. Because you’re with me. So come on and we’ll find you some soda. Millie brought a special treat with her to put in it. Or we can even get you a beer.”
“Beer?” Zac asked curiously.
Bessie shrugged. “Well, I mean, the stuff Millie brought packs a much better punch, but, yes, beer is legal in Tulsa now. It happened a couple of weeks ago.” Then she paused to giggle. “Why, I’m surprised I haven’t put on ten pounds for all the beer I’ve had lately.”
“You drink beer?” Zac asked, still surprised.
“Yes,” she smiled. “And I wear trousers. A lot has happened since you’ve been gone.”
“So it seems,” he murmured.
“Come on,” she said, pulling him along eagerly. “Let’s go greet everyone!”
Well. All right, then. This was new. It wasn’t exactly new, really, just a bit of a change from his normal homecomings, which usually consisted of stretching out on his bed and sleeping well into the next day.
But to come home and be thrust directly into Tulsa’s upper crust society? That was different.
But then his entire life had been turned upside down since the moment he laid eyes on Bessie Harlow. Why should one moment or the next be a surprise to him anymore? He should know by now to expect the unexpected. Embrace the unknown. Shake Judge Harlow’s hand.
Judge Harlow!
Before he knew it, Bessie had dragged him up the steps of the terrace and planted him directly in front of her parents. The old intimidation reared its ugly head again, but this time the judge merely smiled underneath his hat and extended his long, slender arm. “Zachary. Welcome home. I expect your trip was…interesting.”
Smiling, Zac accepted the handshake. “Yes, sir, thank you. Never a dull moment on those trips, that’s for sure.”
“I imagine so. I guess New York wasn’t quite cutting it for you, was it?”
Shaking his head, Zac’s smile widened, appreciative of the judge’s masked compassion. “Well, you know. There are only so many times you can throw axes at your brother before the risk of decapitation becomes a gruesome reality.”
Judge Harlow laughed a hearty laugh before suddenly, he clamped his mouth shut and bore his eyes deliberately into Zac’s. In a hushed, threatening tone, he said to him, “If you ever set foot inside my daughter’s bedroom again, it will be curtains for you, do you understand me, son?”
Zac gaped at the judge in fear and he swallowed hard. “Yes, sir,” he creaked out. “Absolutely, sir. Your honor. Sir.”
“Jim!” Mrs. Harlow scolded with a light slap on her husband’s forearm. “Don’t scare the poor dear, he just found his way home!”
“He should be afraid,” the judge protested. “Don’t think that sound doesn’t haunt me every single night—“
“Oh, stop being so dramatic, we agreed that it was squirrels. Or raccoons. Or probably even Scout, remember? So leave him alone!” Then she smiled at Zac and reached for him, embracing him in a light hug. “Welcome home, sweetheart. How would you like to come have supper with us sometime next week, after you’ve gotten yourself settled back in?”
Glancing at Judge Harlow as if he needed his permission, Zac hesitantly nodded his head at Bessie’s mother. “That, um, that sounds lovely, thank you.”
“If you’ll excuse us, Zac, the governor and his wife are waving us over. We’ll catch up soon, all right? You can tell us all about your travels at supper next week.”
“Great,” Zac smiled with a nervous wave. “Have a good evening, good to see you again.”
And then he was alone. Where had Bessie run off to? He expected her to stay glued to his side from now until forever.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned around and didn’t have to wonder for long. Suddenly, his heart rate sped up and adrenaline coursed through his veins like a raging river. His fists balled up in his pockets and his breathing quickened.
Because right there, in front of Zac’s face, was Bessie and Billie Connors: laughing and smiling and seemingly having a grand old conversation amongst themselves. So. A lot had changed since Zac had been gone, indeed.
He hadn’t even had the chance to put any thought into it before his legs were already striding across the terrace. It took mere seconds before he reached the pair and Zac could already feel Billy tensing up as he approached.
Stepping a foot between Bessie and Billy, Zac gently shoved Bessie behind him and put himself nearly nose-to-nose with Tulsa’s favorite football star. “Zac!” Bessie hissed at him. “Zac, stop it!”
“Since the moment I got back, all I’ve been hearing is how much things have changed since I left,” Zac said through clenched teeth. “Is this it? Is this what they’re all talking about? You’re working on my girl? Is that what they mean?”
Billy smirked. “I was. I mean, she’s awful pretty, isn’t she? She wears those trousers well. And that honey-colored hair. But then—“
Zac had heard enough. Shoving a finger in his face, his voice grew louder and he was increasingly unable to control himself. “My leaving town wasn’t meant to be a free-for-all for you! She isn’t yours, she never was! I’m tired of you trying to take my girl out from under me! This stops today, once and for all, do you understand? I told you the first time that I would finish what I started and that was a promise!”
And then he felt the tug on his right hand.
“Zac!” Bessie’s voice plead with him. “Zac, please! Please stop it! Look at me!”
But he couldn’t move. His eyes were still glued on Billy’s, both men’s breaths hard and rapid, huffing out of their noses.
“Zac,” Bessie commanded. “I thought you came home to me, Zac? Just for me. Not to start picking fights. Don’t you love me, Zac? Why won’t you look at me?”
Finally it registered, and he blinked his eyes for a moment, turning around and looking into his love’s confused, tear-filled, hazel eyes. Oh, god. Oh, dear god, no. She was hurt. Devastated. What the hell was he doing? He’d only seen her for ten minutes and already he was a disgrace. He didn’t deserve her. And after she found out about Dot Harper, that would be the final nail in his coffin.
He couldn’t stick around to be a disappointment to her any longer.
And, so, he turned on his heel and he stormed off of the terrace, across the yard, and into the woods.
* * *
The clearing was exactly as Zac had left it. The dandelions still danced in the breeze, the wildflowers still bloomed in abundance, and the shade tree stood faithfully in the same spot it had always stood. The only thing that had changed was the peace the place had once brought him. Now that it was a secret place he shared with Bessie, he was plagued by more fears than comfort, shame in himself for behaving the way he did at the governor’s picnic, and whether he even needed to bring up Dot Harper now that he had surely done everything that it took to ensure that he had shoved Bessie the rest of the way into Billy Connors’s arms. After all, if that was the way things turned out, Zac would only have himself to blame and he was prepared to accept it.
As he stood in the clearing, his hands shoved in his pockets, the wind howled through the trees. He examined the sky above him, the hot wind barely any relief from the sun, and he spied the dark, looming clouds that threatened nearby. Talk about history repeating itself. Hadn’t it rained the first time he had ever been to a picnic with Bessie? He shook his head at the memory.
This time, he didn’t care, however. He wasn’t rushing to get out of it. He wasn’t running for shelter. He was no longer afraid of the storms, instead he was afraid of weathering the storms alone. Bessie had made the storms okay. She made the storms beautiful. Without Bessie, the storms were nothing.
It was bizarre the way he could leave town for an entire month and come back and be in exactly the same place he had started in. It was almost as if his life had been put on hiatus for a month. Everything else around Zac had changed…except Zac.
He sensed her presence before she ever spoke a word. He closed his eyes and sucked the air in through his nose as if to savor her aura. He was home. He was finally home. With her. And, yet, he still felt like he was struggling to make it back.
“You humiliated me,” her voice came softly from somewhere behind him. “How could you do that? How could you just come straight home and just—humiliate me like that? I thought you were happy to see me?”
Finally, he turned around and he faced her. She only stood several feet away from him, as beautiful as she’d ever been. So much more beautiful than any woman he had ever come across during this past month’s tour—including Dot Harper.
His stomach churned.
“I am,” he nearly whispered. “I’ve—I’ve waited for this day for what felt like years. I wanted to come home to you and—and collapse into your arms and lose myself in them forever, but—but I got so much on my mind and—well, I gotta tell you something, Bessie. I gotta talk to you. And I came home and your hair is different and I saw you being friendly with Billy and…and I wondered if maybe you already knew. That maybe you were already giving up on me.”
Her beautiful hazel eyes widened and she shook her head. “I could never give up on you, Zac. Not for anything, not ever. I love you, all the way to the end, no matter what. Don’t you know that?”
“No matter what?”
“Yes. No matter what.”
At that, he closed the gap between them and took her by both of her hands. "Bessie, I gotta tell you something. It's--it's been eating away at me and I just gotta be honest with you."
"All right..."
"Bessie, I--well, I...I was almost untrue to you back in New York. But I wasn't! I swear to you that I wasn't. Just almost."
Bessie was silent. So silent that it scared the life out of Zac. He wished she would react. He wished she would throw a temper tantrum, just like the one she threw when she found out he was leaving. He wished she would slap him, stamp on his foot, anything. Anything was better than this silence.
She continued to study him, her eyes calculating. "How can you...almost be untrue?"
"We were invited to a party and I got drunk,” he rushed. “I was drunk, Bessie. And this lady, she...well she sat on my knee. And I thought she was you--"
"Well I wasn't anywhere close to New York,” she replied with a shake of her head.
"I know. I know you weren't now. But I was so drunk then that I didn't know and if it hadn't been for Tay, well--well, I don't know what would have happened. And that's the truth."
Finally, she dropped his hands forcefully and took a step back from him. A giant step. No. No, that wasn’t the step he needed her to take. He needed her to come back to him. Desperately.
"It...it took your brother to make sure you wouldn't cheat?"
He took a step toward her. "I told you it was the alcohol--"
She took another step backward. "I got drunk at that gypsy party before you left. Remember? And I knew exactly who you were. The whole time. That--that doesn't make sense to me."
"It doesn't make sense to me, either. But that's what alcohol does--"
"And if Taylor wasn't there..."
"Bessie--"
"So...while my beau is away, his brother is the one thinking of me? Not--not you?"
"No, Bessie, I always thought of you. Every hour of every day, even in my dreams."
"Except for that time."
"Especially that time! I was so lonely and I was missing you so much and I saw your face constantly, all the time, even on her--"
Bessie gaped at him in horror and balled her fists up at her sides. "So you made me look like a cheap harlot? Zac, I just...I don't know..."
Zac shook his head and took another step forward out of desperation. "Don't say that. Don't--don't say any of that. Tell me you forgive me, tell me you love me."
"You were going to cheat on me..."
"But I didn't."
"This time."
He took her hands in his again, pleading. "There won't be a next time, I swear to you. I just wanted to be honest, I didn't want there to be any secrets between us."
She lifted her chin haughtily. "Well, I appreciate that. But I really need to think about some things right now."
"No. Don't think. Tell me you love me. Please."
"Zac, I need to go,” she replied quietly, dropping his hands again.
At that, Zac’s legs gave out and he was shamelessly on his knees in front of her. He clutched her hands tightly as if never having been above begging in his life. His throat felt like sandpaper and the tears stung his eyes and he didn’t even care if they fell. "Bessie, please. Don't leave me. Please. I just got you back, baby, please. Please. Please. I love you so much, baby, please. I need you. Oh, baby, how I need you. I can't live without you. And I won't. If--if I didn't have you, there would be no me. Please. I'm begging you. Can't you see I'm on my knees? Please. I love you. I love you, Bessie, I do. Forever, I swear it."
"Zac..."
"Please! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll do anything, please stay. Please. I missed you so much, I was miserable without you, Bessie. I was so miserable."
"You hurt my feelings,” she replied quietly. “People who love each other don't...almost cheat."
"I only want you, Bessie. Forever. I'm on my knees, baby. Forgive me, I'm begging you. I do love you. I love you with every bone in my body, every breath that I take...you're my entire world."
Her jaw hung slightly and she stared down at him, her eyes wide. Her eyes searched his and he fought to read her expression, blank as it was. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, he only wanted to be honest. Wasn’t that what women wanted? Honesty? Hadn’t he done right by her?
She let go of his hands and she took a step backward. “I have to think about this,” she whispered.
“Sweet girl,” his voice cracked.
“Don’t.”
“I love you so much. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”
“And I love you. But…”
“No…”
“You hurt me. And now I have to think.” She swallowed hard and she sniffled, her cheeks and her nose turning pink. “I spent this entire month the most miserable I have ever been in my life. And now that you’re home, I have to…why, I have to think!”
And then she covered her mouth and she turned and ran away.
Zac let his tears fall. He wiped his nose with the back of his wrist and then he pounded the ground with his fist and then he collapsed, burying his head in his hands. And when the rain started to fall, he didn’t care. When the wind blew violently around him and the thunder crashed over his head, he didn’t care. When the tiny hailstones pelted his back in place of the raindrops, he didn’t care. He hoped that a twister came. He prayed that a twister would come and scoop him off of the ground and carry him away, far away, maybe to another land or to another world altogether. Because he didn’t deserve to be in the one he lived in. He didn’t deserve the mercy that he begged for from Bessie.
But he was honest. He hadn’t done anything, but he was honest about it, anyway. His conscience was clear. Couldn’t he at least find solace in that?
What good was solace, though, when your life was potentially over?