I'M NEVER GONNA LET YOU GO
The next morning, after a sleepless night, Bessie got out of bed before her parents woke up. It was early. It wasn't even seven, yet. But she didn't care. She had to get out of there.
Throwing on a dress and smoothing out the French braid that remained in her hair, she crept downstairs into the kitchen, scooped some dry dog food, along with a few dog biscuits, into a sack and tucked it into her satchel. Then she crept back through the house and out the front door, retrieving her bicycle and heading up the road, with Scout tagging along.
Bessie had never been to the gypsy camp before. Admittedly, she had no real idea where she was going. But it couldn't have been that difficult to find if Zac had walked all the way to her house and back from there and her father had said he had seen him on the road.
The truth was, it wasn't hard to find. Not at all. She figured she had gotten a mile or two down the road before she saw the smoke rising from the trees in the woods that she was riding alongside. It wasn't a lot of smoke, but it was just enough to be noticeable.
As she neared closer to the smoke, she slowed down her bicycle as she wondered how she would follow it. Just ahead, she saw a small opening in the woods and, slowing to a stop, inspected it and noticed that it was a small, open pathway. Figuring this had to be her destination, she dismounted her bicycle and walked it slowly down the path. She could smell the smoke now. And she faintly heard voices. She knew she wasn't too far away.
She had walked maybe five or six minutes before the trees began thinning out. She was able to see through them, glimpses of people walking around, a fire or two, and the largest structure on the grounds--the red-painted travel trailer Zac shared with his brothers.
Slowing her pace, her heart began to race as she second-guessed her presence. She shouldn't have showed up unannounced. She was being rude and Zac and his brothers would be annoyed, not to mention the gypsies who would see her as a trespasser. Which was ultimately what she was doing--trespassing. When she approached the clearing, she stopped to look around before anyone noticed her. It was a large clearing of mostly dirt. Patches of grass covered the ground here and there, but most of the grass lie on the outer edges surrounding the area. They were surrounded by trees, some of the gypsies making use of the trees to hang clothes, food, or even a little décor.
There was some structure amidst the camp, though not much. There were different types of dwellings, from tents to wagons to trailers smaller than the Hansons' and even a man-made lean-to or two. Bessie counted maybe ten or twelve dwellings at most and she couldn't help but wonder how large the families were that lived in them. She saw mostly gypsies, dark-haired and dark-eyed, milling around the camps, building fires and cooking food and she had to admit her mouth watered at some of the smells that were beginning to enter her nose.
Nobody seemed to notice her and she was tempted to turn around and go home, when she spied a campfire to her right, right outside the red-painted travel trailer that sat next to a large tree and what was apparently the infamous broken-down automobile. Taylor was the only one outside and he sat next to the fire in a white t-shirt and brown pants as he fought the dark blonde hair out of his eyes as he concentrated on what looked like a kettle on a metal grid over the fire. It seemed that Scout had noticed him, too, and made no qualms about trotting right on over. "Scout, get back here!" Bessie hissed.
At that, Taylor looked up and noticed her. He furrowed his brow in confusion and stood up. "Bessie? What are you doing here?"
Seemingly caught, she hung her head and walked her bicycle over to the fire, propping it on its stand a few feet away. "I'm so sorry for intruding," she said meekly. "I won't bother you for long, I promise. I--I came here to see Zac."
"Well, you're no bother," he replied gently. "I'm just--surprised to see you here, that's all."
"I almost couldn't find it."
A smirk flashed across his lips. "Well, here you are. So, uh, to bring you out here this early in the morning must mean it's pretty serious. Or you just miss him that much."
"It's not good," she admitted quietly.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I need to talk to Zac."
"He sleeps like a rock. Even if you tried to wake him up, it wouldn't happen. He's one of those that has to wake up on his own. He'll be up anytime now, I'm sure. Why don't you have a seat and give it a few minutes?"
"I'm not sure I have that much time."
Taylor studied her curiously for a moment before he regained his seat on the log bench. "Sit down," he instructed, pointing to a matching log beside his. "There's always time."
Not sure what else to do with herself, she did as Taylor said and took a seat. The small fire was warm against her skin and the aroma of coffee filled her nose. Her eyes constantly glanced behind him at the trailer door. She couldn't help herself.
"Tell me what's going on," he said, going back to the kettle.
"My father isn't going to let me go to the dance with Zac," she admitted quietly. "I didn't even tell him about Zac, but I think he knows. He's making me go with another boy. I told him I didn't want to go at all, but he said he already made the commitment for me. Now I have to go."
"Oh. Wow. That's, uh, that's unfortunate. Zac's really been looking forward to taking you."
"I've been looking forward to it, too," she said, her voice cracking a little. "Mama even bought me a new dress."
"So...your mother's okay with it but your father isn't?"
"Right."
"Tough break."
"To make matters worse, I came here so early because we're leaving in a few hours for Oklahoma City to see my grandparents with Millie and my aunt and uncle. We won't be back till Saturday."
"So no spending time together, either," Taylor deduced.
Bessie shook her head in response. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she whispered.
Before she knew it, a small metal cup was coming her way. Taking the hot liquid from Taylor, he said to her, "First of all, you're gonna sip on that."
"What is it?"
"Coffee. With a little added flavor."
She looked at him as if he had three heads. "Over a fire?"
"I could make it in the trailer if I wanted to. But I think it tastes better this way."
"I don't really like coffee--"
"Drink it, it's good for you. It'll make you feel better."
She looked at him warily as she let the aroma fill her nostrils once more. "It doesn't have liquor in it, does it?"
No," Taylor laughed. "One of the ladies here gave me some spice to put in it. I wouldn't have thought to put it in there, but it's really good. Go ahead, drink up."
Hesitantly, Bessie lifted the hot mug to her lips and took the tiniest of sips, careful not to burn her tongue. Instantly, she crinkled her nose up at the bitter flavor. "Taylor, I don't think you did it right. It's not very good."
"It's an acquired taste," he said, sipping on his own. "Keep drinking, you'll get used to it."
Not to be rude, she took another small sip before she decided to let it cool a little bit. "I don't know what to do," she repeated. "Zac's going to be so upset."
"I think he'll understand."
"He won't. He'll take it personally and we'll fight and it'll just--just go back to where we started."
Taylor shook his head. "I don't think that'll happen this time. He respects you. I think he'll understand. He won't be happy about it, but he'll understand."
"What would you do? If it was Millie and not me in this situation? What would you do?"
Taylor was silent as he looked back at Bessie and sipped on his coffee. After a moment, he finally spoke. "I didn't even know Millie was leaving."
Bessie furrowed her brow in confusion. "She didn't tell you?"
"It's like I told you the other day. It's not like that with Millie. We see each other when we see each other, it's no big deal."
"Oh," she said quietly as she looked down at her mug again. She turned it up and sipped the bitter liquid to stall conversation before she spoke again. "Well, she'll be back in time for the dance. So don't worry about that."
"We're not going to the dance together," he said to her frankly.
Now Bessie was taken aback. "You're not? Why? Didn't you ask her?"
"Of course I asked her. But somebody beat me to it."
"Really? Who?"
"I don't know, I don't remember his name. Doesn't matter anyway. I don't really get into the town social like that. Only reason I asked her was because Zac asked you."
Bessie was dumbfounded. Millie was going to the dance with someone else? Why hadn't she said anything to Bessie? That wasn't fair to Taylor. Not fair at all. Bessie thought they were an item. That they did everything together, at least when she was home from school. Why wouldn't she jump at the chance to go with him? He was kind, he was nice, he was generous--and not to mention handsome. He had a certain beauty that not a lot of men had and Bessie felt ashamed of herself for acknowledging it, but it was true. Millie was a fool.
"I'm, um, I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't know. I feel like--I don't know, I feel like Millie used to tell me everything and...I guess school is getting in the way now."
"You're probably right..."
"If it's any consolation, if things were different and I was Millie and--and not me, I would definitely go with you. I don't know what's gotten into her, but she's a fool to turn you down."
Taylor smiled, a bit of color forming in his cheeks. "Thanks. You don't have to say any of that, though."
"It's the truth. You've been so kind to me, I could only imagine that you're just as kind to her."
He chuckled and shook his head, turning up his coffee. "Oh, I've been kind to her, all right."
Before she warily asked him to elaborate, she heard the door open on the trailer and, in an instant, she felt her jaw drop at the sight. Zac was awake. He hadn't noticed her yet. He wore nothing but a pair of black pants, his entire bare chest exposed, showing every tan-colored muscle and ripple he had, all the way from his curvy biceps to his carved-out stomach. She watched him stretch himself awake as he propped one arm above his head in the doorway and ran the other through his long, shoulder-length brown hair--hair she never knew he possessed. He yawned, his five o'clock shadow rippling across his unshaven face, and then he rubbed his eyes and his chin before propping his other arm above his head with the other one. He hung his head, stretching his neck, as his hair fell into his face.
Bessie nearly died.
Suddenly, she grew embarrassed. She shouldn't be staring at him like that, especially without any clothes on. It was wrong and it was inappropriate and it was extremely rude.
No matter how much she liked it.
She felt the heat rising fast in her cheeks as she uttered a quick, "Oh my god," and turned her face to hide her eyes.
She heard Taylor ask what the matter was before she then heard him say, "Zac, you barbarian, put some clothes on! There are ladies present here!"
Turning her head to peek around her hand, she saw Zac's eyes widen in surprise. "Bessie?" He darted back inside and emerged seconds later, pulling a white t-shirt, much like Taylor's, over his head. "Bessie, what are you doing here?" He asked as he stepped out of the trailer and crossed the dirt toward them.
Setting her half-empty coffee down beside her, she stood up and straightened her dress. "I, um, I need to talk to you. In...in private."
"Okay," he nodded with understanding. "Yeah, sure. We can, um, we can just step right over here."
She followed him a couple of yards away from the trailer, close to the other side of the small clearing by the trees. Standing before him took her breath away. Seeing him first thing in the morning, unshaven and his hair down was...well, it was causing chills and feelings to run through her body that she felt ashamed of feeling. Finally, she took a deep breath and she looked up at him into his expectant brown eyes. "I'm sorry I showed up uninvited first thing in the morning like this."
"No," Zac smiled. "It's okay. I, uh, I kinda like that you're the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning."
Bessie's heart grew heavy at his words. Such beautiful words. Always such beautiful words. Glancing down in shame, she said meekly, "Zac, I--I came here to tell you that I can't go to the social with you. I appreciate the invitation, but...but I can't go with you."
She couldn't bear to look up at his face. And when she did, she saw the hurt and confusion that she'd expected. "Bessie, I--did I say something? Did I offend you? Did I do something wrong?"
She shook her head. "No. No, you did everything right, I just--I'm going with Billy Connors."
Zac took a step back and furrowed his brow. "Billy Connors? Who the hell is that guy?"
"Some boy my father knows. The district attorney's son--"
"Your father? Why do I get the feeling you're being forced into something you don't want to do?"
"Because I am. Daddy already promised Billy I would go with him--"
"Behind your back?" He asked incredulously.
"I guess so. Zac, I'm so sorry. I really am. And--and I understand if you never want to see me again. It's rude to break a commitment like that, I know. I just wish--I wish I could change it."
"But you can. Just don't go."
"I already told Daddy I wouldn't go at all. But that's not an option."
Zac looked flabbergasted. "So...I'm supposed to sit back and watch you go out with another guy."
"Oh, Zac," she said in desperation, taking his hands in hers. "Come anyway! We might not be able to go together, but we can still...dance together or what have you."
"No," he said, shaking his head and letting go of her hands. "There's no point in going if I don't have a date. You--you have fun on your first date, okay? Try not to fall for him."
She shook her head and glanced at her hands as she wrung them. "I won't have fun. And I won't fall for him."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Bess."
"It's true. I only have eyes for you, Zac. I swear."
Zac let out a breath and rested his hand on his hip as the other one ran through his hair. "Well. It's only for a few hours, right? We can still spend time together before then and I'll still be here for you after--"
The shaking of Bessie's head cut off his speech.
"What now?" He asked. "Are you calling it quits on me? Is this it, is that what's going on here?"
"No," Bessie replied, shaking her head. "Never, it's just--we're leaving today with Millie and her family to spend a couple of days with my grandparents in Oklahoma City. We won't be back till Saturday."
"So...we can't see each other at all, then."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Zac was beginning to look physically angry. "You know, this sounds an awful lot like a setup to me."
"I have to leave soon," she replied, not wanting to start a fight. "Mama says she needs her picnic basket to take on the trip. And--and I was hoping you'd look after Scout while we're gone. Mama says he can't come on the trip."
Zac stared at her in silence, dumbfounded. Then, finally, he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."
"I brought some food for him, so you don't have to worry about that."
"Uh, okay. Thanks." He looked around awkwardly and then he let out another breath. "Okay. Well. Let me go get that basket for you."
Without another word, Zac turned and walked away from Bessie and her eyes brimmed with tears. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.
Catching eyes with Taylor, catching his regretful expression, she sniffed her tears back. She'd never been more upset and more ashamed of herself in her entire life.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Standing in the trailer, not caring about an irritated Isaac who stirred in his sleep, Zac was livid. He had done his best to control his anger in front of Bessie, but the truth was he wanted nothing more than to march up to the judge's front door and give him a piece of his mind.
It was so easy to conclude, it was pathetic. The judge just randomly takes half a week off work to go out of town right before a social that he was insistent Bessie go to? No. This was a ploy to take her away for a few days in hopes that she would forget about Zac in time for the dance. Zac was no dummy. The tactic was so blatantly obvious and it felt like an insult to Bessie's intelligence.
And, Bessie. Oh god, the hurt and the sorrow in her eyes was enough to make Zac violent. Nobody should ever hurt or disappoint Bessie. She was a kind, pure soul that never bothered anyone. He decided that he couldn't show his anger over the situation. He decided to be strong for her. She needed someone positive in her life at the moment and, damn it, it was going to be him.
His eyes landed on the picnic basket that he was after and he leaned over to pick it up and he stopped when he got the handle in his hand. Sitting it down on the small table, he crossed the trailer and reached under his bed and snatched up Shakespeare's book of sonnets, turned to sonnet number eighteen, and savagely ripped the page from the book. Folding the page up, he dropped it inside the basket lid and carried the basket outside.
"I'm so sorry," she said to him again when he approached her. "Please believe me when I say I don't want any of this. And please--please find it in your heart to forgive me--"
"Bessie, baby, you did nothing wrong," he said to her gently, his heart breaking at the sight of her face. "You don't have to apologize to me."
"Yes, I do--"
"No. You don't. This wasn't your fault, you had no control over it. Okay? You just--spend time with your family. Enjoy it. Have fun. I'll be here when you come home, no question. And--and I left something for you in the basket. Something small that you can look at and think of me. And I'll be thinking of you the whole time. Don't worry. And please don't cry."
"Zac," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Zac, I don't understand this. I don't understand why--why it feels like this, like I just--we haven't known each other very long but if feels like--like I just can't--like I just can't bear to stay away. And I don't know if it's right or wrong to feel that way, but I just--oh no." She stepped back and she covered her mouth. "I'm being too forward. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that."
Zac's heart jumped into his throat and swallowing the lump was nearly impossible. "You're not being forward," he whispered. "Because I feel that, too. Everything you just said. You're not the only one. Come here." He took her by the hand and pulled her into his chest. Wrapping his arms tightly around her shoulders, she seemed to fit perfectly into his body like a puzzle piece. He'd hardly held her hand, much less touched her in any way, but hugging her like this was the greatest feeling he had ever felt. When she hooked her arms under his and rested her head on his shoulder, he thought he'd surely died and gone to heaven. He could hold her forever.
"I don't ever want you to let me go, Zac," she said, her voice muffled into his shoulder. "Please don't ever let me go."
"I won't," he whispered into her melon and honey scented braid. "I'm never gonna let you go."
But he had to. And watching her leave the camp on her bicycle as he coaxed Scout to stay with him tore his heart right out of his chest. They'd barely known each other for a week and their differences were already seeming to get in the way. This would be a long, rough road, but every bump and hole would be worth it.
Too proud to let his brother see his emotion, he walked right past Taylor, amidst him voicing his concern. "Leave me alone," Zac muttered as he stepped back up into the trailer. Heading for the back, he slammed the door behind him, sat on one of the benches, and held his head in his hands. 'I'm never gonna let you go,' he repeated in his mind.
The next morning, after a sleepless night, Bessie got out of bed before her parents woke up. It was early. It wasn't even seven, yet. But she didn't care. She had to get out of there.
Throwing on a dress and smoothing out the French braid that remained in her hair, she crept downstairs into the kitchen, scooped some dry dog food, along with a few dog biscuits, into a sack and tucked it into her satchel. Then she crept back through the house and out the front door, retrieving her bicycle and heading up the road, with Scout tagging along.
Bessie had never been to the gypsy camp before. Admittedly, she had no real idea where she was going. But it couldn't have been that difficult to find if Zac had walked all the way to her house and back from there and her father had said he had seen him on the road.
The truth was, it wasn't hard to find. Not at all. She figured she had gotten a mile or two down the road before she saw the smoke rising from the trees in the woods that she was riding alongside. It wasn't a lot of smoke, but it was just enough to be noticeable.
As she neared closer to the smoke, she slowed down her bicycle as she wondered how she would follow it. Just ahead, she saw a small opening in the woods and, slowing to a stop, inspected it and noticed that it was a small, open pathway. Figuring this had to be her destination, she dismounted her bicycle and walked it slowly down the path. She could smell the smoke now. And she faintly heard voices. She knew she wasn't too far away.
She had walked maybe five or six minutes before the trees began thinning out. She was able to see through them, glimpses of people walking around, a fire or two, and the largest structure on the grounds--the red-painted travel trailer Zac shared with his brothers.
Slowing her pace, her heart began to race as she second-guessed her presence. She shouldn't have showed up unannounced. She was being rude and Zac and his brothers would be annoyed, not to mention the gypsies who would see her as a trespasser. Which was ultimately what she was doing--trespassing. When she approached the clearing, she stopped to look around before anyone noticed her. It was a large clearing of mostly dirt. Patches of grass covered the ground here and there, but most of the grass lie on the outer edges surrounding the area. They were surrounded by trees, some of the gypsies making use of the trees to hang clothes, food, or even a little décor.
There was some structure amidst the camp, though not much. There were different types of dwellings, from tents to wagons to trailers smaller than the Hansons' and even a man-made lean-to or two. Bessie counted maybe ten or twelve dwellings at most and she couldn't help but wonder how large the families were that lived in them. She saw mostly gypsies, dark-haired and dark-eyed, milling around the camps, building fires and cooking food and she had to admit her mouth watered at some of the smells that were beginning to enter her nose.
Nobody seemed to notice her and she was tempted to turn around and go home, when she spied a campfire to her right, right outside the red-painted travel trailer that sat next to a large tree and what was apparently the infamous broken-down automobile. Taylor was the only one outside and he sat next to the fire in a white t-shirt and brown pants as he fought the dark blonde hair out of his eyes as he concentrated on what looked like a kettle on a metal grid over the fire. It seemed that Scout had noticed him, too, and made no qualms about trotting right on over. "Scout, get back here!" Bessie hissed.
At that, Taylor looked up and noticed her. He furrowed his brow in confusion and stood up. "Bessie? What are you doing here?"
Seemingly caught, she hung her head and walked her bicycle over to the fire, propping it on its stand a few feet away. "I'm so sorry for intruding," she said meekly. "I won't bother you for long, I promise. I--I came here to see Zac."
"Well, you're no bother," he replied gently. "I'm just--surprised to see you here, that's all."
"I almost couldn't find it."
A smirk flashed across his lips. "Well, here you are. So, uh, to bring you out here this early in the morning must mean it's pretty serious. Or you just miss him that much."
"It's not good," she admitted quietly.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I need to talk to Zac."
"He sleeps like a rock. Even if you tried to wake him up, it wouldn't happen. He's one of those that has to wake up on his own. He'll be up anytime now, I'm sure. Why don't you have a seat and give it a few minutes?"
"I'm not sure I have that much time."
Taylor studied her curiously for a moment before he regained his seat on the log bench. "Sit down," he instructed, pointing to a matching log beside his. "There's always time."
Not sure what else to do with herself, she did as Taylor said and took a seat. The small fire was warm against her skin and the aroma of coffee filled her nose. Her eyes constantly glanced behind him at the trailer door. She couldn't help herself.
"Tell me what's going on," he said, going back to the kettle.
"My father isn't going to let me go to the dance with Zac," she admitted quietly. "I didn't even tell him about Zac, but I think he knows. He's making me go with another boy. I told him I didn't want to go at all, but he said he already made the commitment for me. Now I have to go."
"Oh. Wow. That's, uh, that's unfortunate. Zac's really been looking forward to taking you."
"I've been looking forward to it, too," she said, her voice cracking a little. "Mama even bought me a new dress."
"So...your mother's okay with it but your father isn't?"
"Right."
"Tough break."
"To make matters worse, I came here so early because we're leaving in a few hours for Oklahoma City to see my grandparents with Millie and my aunt and uncle. We won't be back till Saturday."
"So no spending time together, either," Taylor deduced.
Bessie shook her head in response. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she whispered.
Before she knew it, a small metal cup was coming her way. Taking the hot liquid from Taylor, he said to her, "First of all, you're gonna sip on that."
"What is it?"
"Coffee. With a little added flavor."
She looked at him as if he had three heads. "Over a fire?"
"I could make it in the trailer if I wanted to. But I think it tastes better this way."
"I don't really like coffee--"
"Drink it, it's good for you. It'll make you feel better."
She looked at him warily as she let the aroma fill her nostrils once more. "It doesn't have liquor in it, does it?"
No," Taylor laughed. "One of the ladies here gave me some spice to put in it. I wouldn't have thought to put it in there, but it's really good. Go ahead, drink up."
Hesitantly, Bessie lifted the hot mug to her lips and took the tiniest of sips, careful not to burn her tongue. Instantly, she crinkled her nose up at the bitter flavor. "Taylor, I don't think you did it right. It's not very good."
"It's an acquired taste," he said, sipping on his own. "Keep drinking, you'll get used to it."
Not to be rude, she took another small sip before she decided to let it cool a little bit. "I don't know what to do," she repeated. "Zac's going to be so upset."
"I think he'll understand."
"He won't. He'll take it personally and we'll fight and it'll just--just go back to where we started."
Taylor shook his head. "I don't think that'll happen this time. He respects you. I think he'll understand. He won't be happy about it, but he'll understand."
"What would you do? If it was Millie and not me in this situation? What would you do?"
Taylor was silent as he looked back at Bessie and sipped on his coffee. After a moment, he finally spoke. "I didn't even know Millie was leaving."
Bessie furrowed her brow in confusion. "She didn't tell you?"
"It's like I told you the other day. It's not like that with Millie. We see each other when we see each other, it's no big deal."
"Oh," she said quietly as she looked down at her mug again. She turned it up and sipped the bitter liquid to stall conversation before she spoke again. "Well, she'll be back in time for the dance. So don't worry about that."
"We're not going to the dance together," he said to her frankly.
Now Bessie was taken aback. "You're not? Why? Didn't you ask her?"
"Of course I asked her. But somebody beat me to it."
"Really? Who?"
"I don't know, I don't remember his name. Doesn't matter anyway. I don't really get into the town social like that. Only reason I asked her was because Zac asked you."
Bessie was dumbfounded. Millie was going to the dance with someone else? Why hadn't she said anything to Bessie? That wasn't fair to Taylor. Not fair at all. Bessie thought they were an item. That they did everything together, at least when she was home from school. Why wouldn't she jump at the chance to go with him? He was kind, he was nice, he was generous--and not to mention handsome. He had a certain beauty that not a lot of men had and Bessie felt ashamed of herself for acknowledging it, but it was true. Millie was a fool.
"I'm, um, I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't know. I feel like--I don't know, I feel like Millie used to tell me everything and...I guess school is getting in the way now."
"You're probably right..."
"If it's any consolation, if things were different and I was Millie and--and not me, I would definitely go with you. I don't know what's gotten into her, but she's a fool to turn you down."
Taylor smiled, a bit of color forming in his cheeks. "Thanks. You don't have to say any of that, though."
"It's the truth. You've been so kind to me, I could only imagine that you're just as kind to her."
He chuckled and shook his head, turning up his coffee. "Oh, I've been kind to her, all right."
Before she warily asked him to elaborate, she heard the door open on the trailer and, in an instant, she felt her jaw drop at the sight. Zac was awake. He hadn't noticed her yet. He wore nothing but a pair of black pants, his entire bare chest exposed, showing every tan-colored muscle and ripple he had, all the way from his curvy biceps to his carved-out stomach. She watched him stretch himself awake as he propped one arm above his head in the doorway and ran the other through his long, shoulder-length brown hair--hair she never knew he possessed. He yawned, his five o'clock shadow rippling across his unshaven face, and then he rubbed his eyes and his chin before propping his other arm above his head with the other one. He hung his head, stretching his neck, as his hair fell into his face.
Bessie nearly died.
Suddenly, she grew embarrassed. She shouldn't be staring at him like that, especially without any clothes on. It was wrong and it was inappropriate and it was extremely rude.
No matter how much she liked it.
She felt the heat rising fast in her cheeks as she uttered a quick, "Oh my god," and turned her face to hide her eyes.
She heard Taylor ask what the matter was before she then heard him say, "Zac, you barbarian, put some clothes on! There are ladies present here!"
Turning her head to peek around her hand, she saw Zac's eyes widen in surprise. "Bessie?" He darted back inside and emerged seconds later, pulling a white t-shirt, much like Taylor's, over his head. "Bessie, what are you doing here?" He asked as he stepped out of the trailer and crossed the dirt toward them.
Setting her half-empty coffee down beside her, she stood up and straightened her dress. "I, um, I need to talk to you. In...in private."
"Okay," he nodded with understanding. "Yeah, sure. We can, um, we can just step right over here."
She followed him a couple of yards away from the trailer, close to the other side of the small clearing by the trees. Standing before him took her breath away. Seeing him first thing in the morning, unshaven and his hair down was...well, it was causing chills and feelings to run through her body that she felt ashamed of feeling. Finally, she took a deep breath and she looked up at him into his expectant brown eyes. "I'm sorry I showed up uninvited first thing in the morning like this."
"No," Zac smiled. "It's okay. I, uh, I kinda like that you're the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning."
Bessie's heart grew heavy at his words. Such beautiful words. Always such beautiful words. Glancing down in shame, she said meekly, "Zac, I--I came here to tell you that I can't go to the social with you. I appreciate the invitation, but...but I can't go with you."
She couldn't bear to look up at his face. And when she did, she saw the hurt and confusion that she'd expected. "Bessie, I--did I say something? Did I offend you? Did I do something wrong?"
She shook her head. "No. No, you did everything right, I just--I'm going with Billy Connors."
Zac took a step back and furrowed his brow. "Billy Connors? Who the hell is that guy?"
"Some boy my father knows. The district attorney's son--"
"Your father? Why do I get the feeling you're being forced into something you don't want to do?"
"Because I am. Daddy already promised Billy I would go with him--"
"Behind your back?" He asked incredulously.
"I guess so. Zac, I'm so sorry. I really am. And--and I understand if you never want to see me again. It's rude to break a commitment like that, I know. I just wish--I wish I could change it."
"But you can. Just don't go."
"I already told Daddy I wouldn't go at all. But that's not an option."
Zac looked flabbergasted. "So...I'm supposed to sit back and watch you go out with another guy."
"Oh, Zac," she said in desperation, taking his hands in hers. "Come anyway! We might not be able to go together, but we can still...dance together or what have you."
"No," he said, shaking his head and letting go of her hands. "There's no point in going if I don't have a date. You--you have fun on your first date, okay? Try not to fall for him."
She shook her head and glanced at her hands as she wrung them. "I won't have fun. And I won't fall for him."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Bess."
"It's true. I only have eyes for you, Zac. I swear."
Zac let out a breath and rested his hand on his hip as the other one ran through his hair. "Well. It's only for a few hours, right? We can still spend time together before then and I'll still be here for you after--"
The shaking of Bessie's head cut off his speech.
"What now?" He asked. "Are you calling it quits on me? Is this it, is that what's going on here?"
"No," Bessie replied, shaking her head. "Never, it's just--we're leaving today with Millie and her family to spend a couple of days with my grandparents in Oklahoma City. We won't be back till Saturday."
"So...we can't see each other at all, then."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Zac was beginning to look physically angry. "You know, this sounds an awful lot like a setup to me."
"I have to leave soon," she replied, not wanting to start a fight. "Mama says she needs her picnic basket to take on the trip. And--and I was hoping you'd look after Scout while we're gone. Mama says he can't come on the trip."
Zac stared at her in silence, dumbfounded. Then, finally, he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."
"I brought some food for him, so you don't have to worry about that."
"Uh, okay. Thanks." He looked around awkwardly and then he let out another breath. "Okay. Well. Let me go get that basket for you."
Without another word, Zac turned and walked away from Bessie and her eyes brimmed with tears. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.
Catching eyes with Taylor, catching his regretful expression, she sniffed her tears back. She'd never been more upset and more ashamed of herself in her entire life.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Standing in the trailer, not caring about an irritated Isaac who stirred in his sleep, Zac was livid. He had done his best to control his anger in front of Bessie, but the truth was he wanted nothing more than to march up to the judge's front door and give him a piece of his mind.
It was so easy to conclude, it was pathetic. The judge just randomly takes half a week off work to go out of town right before a social that he was insistent Bessie go to? No. This was a ploy to take her away for a few days in hopes that she would forget about Zac in time for the dance. Zac was no dummy. The tactic was so blatantly obvious and it felt like an insult to Bessie's intelligence.
And, Bessie. Oh god, the hurt and the sorrow in her eyes was enough to make Zac violent. Nobody should ever hurt or disappoint Bessie. She was a kind, pure soul that never bothered anyone. He decided that he couldn't show his anger over the situation. He decided to be strong for her. She needed someone positive in her life at the moment and, damn it, it was going to be him.
His eyes landed on the picnic basket that he was after and he leaned over to pick it up and he stopped when he got the handle in his hand. Sitting it down on the small table, he crossed the trailer and reached under his bed and snatched up Shakespeare's book of sonnets, turned to sonnet number eighteen, and savagely ripped the page from the book. Folding the page up, he dropped it inside the basket lid and carried the basket outside.
"I'm so sorry," she said to him again when he approached her. "Please believe me when I say I don't want any of this. And please--please find it in your heart to forgive me--"
"Bessie, baby, you did nothing wrong," he said to her gently, his heart breaking at the sight of her face. "You don't have to apologize to me."
"Yes, I do--"
"No. You don't. This wasn't your fault, you had no control over it. Okay? You just--spend time with your family. Enjoy it. Have fun. I'll be here when you come home, no question. And--and I left something for you in the basket. Something small that you can look at and think of me. And I'll be thinking of you the whole time. Don't worry. And please don't cry."
"Zac," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Zac, I don't understand this. I don't understand why--why it feels like this, like I just--we haven't known each other very long but if feels like--like I just can't--like I just can't bear to stay away. And I don't know if it's right or wrong to feel that way, but I just--oh no." She stepped back and she covered her mouth. "I'm being too forward. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that."
Zac's heart jumped into his throat and swallowing the lump was nearly impossible. "You're not being forward," he whispered. "Because I feel that, too. Everything you just said. You're not the only one. Come here." He took her by the hand and pulled her into his chest. Wrapping his arms tightly around her shoulders, she seemed to fit perfectly into his body like a puzzle piece. He'd hardly held her hand, much less touched her in any way, but hugging her like this was the greatest feeling he had ever felt. When she hooked her arms under his and rested her head on his shoulder, he thought he'd surely died and gone to heaven. He could hold her forever.
"I don't ever want you to let me go, Zac," she said, her voice muffled into his shoulder. "Please don't ever let me go."
"I won't," he whispered into her melon and honey scented braid. "I'm never gonna let you go."
But he had to. And watching her leave the camp on her bicycle as he coaxed Scout to stay with him tore his heart right out of his chest. They'd barely known each other for a week and their differences were already seeming to get in the way. This would be a long, rough road, but every bump and hole would be worth it.
Too proud to let his brother see his emotion, he walked right past Taylor, amidst him voicing his concern. "Leave me alone," Zac muttered as he stepped back up into the trailer. Heading for the back, he slammed the door behind him, sat on one of the benches, and held his head in his hands. 'I'm never gonna let you go,' he repeated in his mind.